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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2024
Location: Earth
Posts: 11
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Mar 02, 2024 at 12:44 PM
#1
Anyone dealt with anticipatory grief? I just learned that I am probably experiencing it as I take care of my elderly mom. We are very close. Her mental and physical health are declining rapidly.
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 nonightowl, TerryL
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
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Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,415
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Mar 02, 2024 at 07:11 PM
#2
@Jazzyjazzjazz I am sorry for your impending loss. That must be rough to consider your mom not being there. It sounds like your relationship has already changed. That is part of anticipatory grief. It is not an imagined loss it is a real loss due to the change from how things were.
I lost my dad 8 years ago and my mom 1 year ago and in both cases a couple years ahead I started grieving. I had never considered my parent's death. Grandparents die but I never really confronted that both my parents would die. Some people just do not feel things deeply but sensitive people know what is awaiting when the signs are there and they do not try a lot of medical miracles that cost a lot and may not even increase the length of life and may make the quality of life more unbearable for the patient. Instead of trying to "save " them which was not what they wanted, I spent that time expressing gratitude to them for good times we had, all they did to help me and just to keep letting them know I love them and be willing to not cling to them when it is time for them to die. In eastern Asian traditions, the person dying is not exposed to the tears and grieving of the family in the exact hour of their death. It is said to help the person die without regrets. I was not there for either death so I am not sure I could have held it together, but I tried when I was with them but cried when I got out in the car. CANDC [If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message] __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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 Jazzyjazzjazz
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