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New Member
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: California
Posts: 8
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Mar 08, 2024 at 11:14 PM
#1
My mom died. It’s been about 10 months. She had a lung transplant. Every complication imaginable. The team was never there for us. But she died after a year and half. It could e been avoided. I can’t just explain the entirety of it . But it’s been incredibly difficult for me. AND MY DAD . I pretend like it’s fine . Oh no. I dknt want to burden people. Again, it’s been about 8 months and I’ve lost myself so much. I dknt trust anyone. Even after it happened, coworkers were like “oh no so sorry” okay…. Let’s talk about me now . I’m just so exhausted at pretending . I miss her so much . I loved her more than anything . Sorry . I know everyone’s mom dies eventually . I should be fine . Especially after 8 months . Especially after her king transplant which was a complete disaster . I’m sorry . I really suck sometimes . I’m obviously drinking. I’m sorry
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,486
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Mar 09, 2024 at 09:32 PM
#2
Pleas don't apologize for how you feel. Grief is individual and she was your mom. You have every right to feel whatever you need to feel, even when that doesn't feel very good in the moment. It will get easier but nobody can say when that will happen. When my non-bio dad died I joined a grief support group through my church. The hospice here also offers them. It really helped and might be worth looking into.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,277
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Mar 10, 2024 at 12:09 AM
#3
My mum died a year ago, she was a week away from her 95th birthday, but it was still hard. I can’t even imagine what you went though. Please don’t apologize. It’s hard.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,109
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Mar 13, 2024 at 11:09 AM
#4
I’ve lost more people than I can count in the last 7 years. Feelings aren’t right or wrong, there’s no timetable, and it’s not linear at all.
Grief groups or therapy have been hit and miss for me. It depended on the facilitator and other members. Also the frequency, distance to travel and how long they met. In hindsight I will never seek out help when it’s too raw or fresh. Filling out forms and going through their “intake” was overwhelming, as I was going through enough.  ——— Posted directly on site using iPhone __________________  Call me "owl" for short!  Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Discombobulated
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: usa
Posts: 1,490
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Mar 19, 2024 at 02:14 AM
#5
i am so very sorry for your loss. 'it could have been avoided' are heartbreaking words. i have heard of and experienced many instances where the medical profession made errors which resulted in death. medical staff are busy and stressed and mistakes can be made or clear communication can be lacking. and when you are grieving you don't have the energy and mindset to look for proof of the errors and to fight for accountability. it is infuriating. i wish i had more comforting words. just know i can empathize with what you and your dad are going through and wish wish wish your mom was still with you both.
__________________ "Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight"~Albert Schweitzer |
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nonightowl
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
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Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,713
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Mar 21, 2024 at 09:35 AM
#6
@Jessy1239 I am sorry for your loss. It sounds so difficult for you. She meant so much to you.
Go easy on yourself. Losing a parent is the most difficult loss I have dealt with. Mom died a year ago. She was 94 but no matter how long she lived, it is difficult for me to let go of her as someone I can rely on to be there when I need someone to listen. She was the one I knew would always care. Without her here I have had to try to find other meaning and comfort in my life. I really am considering therapy and a support group to help get myself back on a stable footing. What kinds of therapy or support groups have you considered? CANDC [If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message] __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,438
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May 01, 2024 at 02:35 PM
#7
Jassy1239 I'm so sorry for your loss
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