I Don't Think it Ever Gets Easier

I lost my Dad in 2021 and my Mom in 2023. They were both 80 when they died and both were in a bad way. Honestly, as hard as it was I prayed for both their deaths as they were suffering so. It wasn't that I wanted them to go but I no longer wanted them to suffer. I did get to have them to old age, but I don't think it makes it any easier. They were my Mom and Dad. They were always there when I needed them. Sometimes they helped make life make sense when I was lost. I will never forget my Daddy telling me, "A Raines never gives up." I wish I could hear those words again. When times are rough, it is hard because I am on my own. No-one loves me like my Mom and Dad. I can't really say there has been something extraordinary I would miss them not being there for since they have been gone. Although I am sure they would loved to hold my young grand-niece. I do miss their presence and the time we shared. Sometimes I am ok and other times it hurts so bad that they are gone. I heard it gets better over time. Do you think less of them? Cause that is the only way I see the grief going away. I will always miss them in every moment of every hour. But sometimes, it just gets really hard. It is like a gaping hole in my chest. The knowing that I will never wrap my arms around them again in this life. I will never hear their voices or see there smiling faces. My best support group is gone. I am afraid of forgetting their faces in my mind or the unconditional love they showed. I don't feel like I will ever stop needing my Mom and Dad. What do you do during those times? The times you miss them so bad you can't breathe and the tears roll down your face. The times no-one else could be in that space, as if a void sets before you. Maybe it gets fewer and farther between, but in those moments, I can't see it getting any easier.

I'm sorry for your losses.


Have you done a Griefshare class? Churches and hospices offer them. They do have a Christian component but it can be ignored and I imagine hospices don't emphasize that part.

It really helped me when I lost my dad.