[Br0ken]

As most of us would probably agree, a loss is a loss.

Who has invested time in something/someone online and felt a loss?

I know a lot of people won't want to answer this honestly because we know "online" isn't real life, and there is a stigma as far as taking it too seriously.

I will volunteer to go first. I have lost a friend of over 4 years online. And it is a very difficult thing for me.

[ghost]

i once had an online "relationship" of sorts with someone in the military. i really liked him and (i thought) he really liked me, too. we made arrangements for him to spend his 3 weeks of leave with me. i looked forward to it for months.

but then when i went to pick him up at the airport and he saw me (head to toe) for the first time, he looked downright... disappointed.

i used to think of myself as positively repulsive to look at. i couldn't look in mirrors, because i was disgusted with myself. it took me years to get over it. and he just brought it all back. in one second.

i hate him for it. but i'm sorry we lost the good part of what we had. even if it was "just" online.

[ghost]

but i think it's only fair i talk about something worth remembering far more.

i had a friend who went by the online name of *Champagne* and she was a cute, sweet little thing with muscular dystrophy. her only contact with people was generally online because she required round-the-clock care. she loved everything "normal teenagers" loved and was just a real treat to talk to. just so darned sweet. i'm glad to have known her.

she passed away a few years ago, at the age of 18. but she won't be forgotten.

[kisha69]

i lost a great mate 2 suicide she lived in america and i lived in the uk and we never met but we were goin 2 now we cant and i dnt care about it being online she was a great mate!!!!!!

kisha gooding rules!

[Taonuviel]

I've lost so many relationships, on and off line. When I found I couldn't have friendships in person I turned to the internet. Everything lasts for a while, then dissipates. For the past couple years I've done a lot of investing in people besides looking for friendships - more of mentoring - online, and much of it feels like a loss, as well. I just hope some of it matters more than it has seemed to.

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...

[gloria]

I am with you. A loss is a loss. My friends on line are a significant part of my support system. If I loss any of them it would be a big loss for me.
I have never experience this type of loss, and I hope I never do.
I'm sorry you have.

gab

[SeptemberMorn]

In my opinion, a loss is a loss. Some say that relationships on the Internet aren't real, that we're crazy to strike up friendships on the Internet because it's not real life. Excuse me?? I haven't had a relationship on the Internet, good or bad, that hasn't impacted my life in some way.

For years, I haven't gone into chat rooms on AOL because of the crap that goes on, but "way back when" AOL was young, I frequented a room called "Thirty-Something." The people that met there were just as real as you and I and we formed close bonds. Someone got it in their head that we should have a party and meet each other. They pulled it off! Many of us even flew in to the given city. We all got rooms and met at the same hotel. That evening, we went to a hall and had our party. The people acted in 3D just like they acted in the Internet chat room. It was a wonderful experience! Love, acceptance and kindness were overflowing.

Later on, when I separated from my husband, I had an "on-line relationship." It was wonderful!! ... as long as it stayed on the Internet. We met in person and things weren't as intense as they had been. Regardless, that man made a definite impression on me and my life. He encouraged me to pursue my writing. We shared written stories and we even wrote some poetry together. He also taught me much about relationships, communication and expectations. A very important lesson he taught me was that we don't really KNOW the people we have interaction with on the Internet. We only know what they allow us to know and sometimes they pose a fake front. There's no way of knowing who is on the other side of the screen. We even had some wonderfully outrageous flights of fancy. Better than anything, he was always the perfect gentleman.

There were a couple of women I became acquainted with on a grandparent's site. This didn't turn out to be nearly as positive as other relationships, but you bet I invested much of my time and in the end, some of my sanity with the younger of the two. How badly I wanted to save her life! Come to find out, her life wasn't in jeopardy at all! She used me... but I learned a valuable lesson.

Quite a few relationships have evolved here on this board. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be who I am today without them. I'll be eternally greatful for their friendship, understanding and patience with me. A few of those friendships have been lost along the way, but I'm still a better person for having "known" them. I've mourned the loss of the relationship, like I would mourn the loss of any of the relationships I have with my on-line friends here. But I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Everyone leaves their mark on those whom they come in contact with.




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[shakes]

I believe that online losses can hurt just as much, if not more, then "real life" relationships. I know when I first started coming online I was young (12 or 13) and I was really alone. I met a really nice guy and we became really close..or at least I thought we did. I ended up catching him in a series of lies that really hurt me a lot and he just stopped talking to me after he found out that I knew. It hurt a lot.
I think losing online friends can hurt because, at least I, feel more apt to be very open and honest with people that I meet online because of the lack of face to face contact. I find it to be so much easier to be honest under those circumstances. When we trust others in that way and they betray our deepest feelings it could hurt so much.

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[mandala]

I've lost friends online and it can really hurt. I think worst is when someone (on line or off) just seems to lose interest in you... and you don't know why.

But I've also made really great friends online. In fact, I find that my losses and successes online parallel my relationships offline... as I've become more adept at making healthy friends, both online and offline relationships are more likely to last.

I do think loss is loss and I like Jessica's point about being more honest and vulnerable online... that is true for me... and then I feel the "real" me has been rejected if an online connection doesn't work out. Offline I often have the excuse that "well, they didn't know the 'real' me"

Wow, I think I'm babbling.

Thanks for reading!

[LadyDragus]

I have had an online loss. I can understand wher you are coming from..

I had contact with someone oneline for a very long time. then they cut off all contact, then when I finally got an email back it was not them, it was there sister saying they were no longer with us..
I know how it feels,
My online life is as strong as offline, for I create bonds just as strong online with some people as I do offline..
So yes your feelings can be crushed just as they can offline..

And if this has ever happend to you, I am truly sorry for your loss..



<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better

[Mistymona]

>I think worst is when someone (on line or off) just seems to lose interest in you... and you don't know why.>

That is the WORST horrible depression-starter ever. Happened to me a few times. The last real-life thing was the boyfriend of two years, no fights, last phone call said he loves me, then he just stopped and hangs up when I call. His stuff is still in here in my place, I haven't heard from him in 2 months. Called him at work, he hung up on me.

[emwell]

I experienced an online loss last June. I met this man because we were both looking to learn as much as we could about the afterlife. We became very connected with eachother. I had the wonderful opportunity to meet him and his family on 2 occassions.

One Sunday, I sent him an email that I had been meaning to send for quite awhile. The next day, when checking my mail, i noticed one from him. My first thought was "cool, Al never responds that fast." It wasn't Al, it was his daughter. Al had passed that very night. Al had many online friends and his wife knew this. Even before the coronor had left, his wife was telling his daughter to "get on that thing and tell someone". I was the one they told. My first call was to my Mom who also met Al. It was so hard telling other online friends of Al's passing. I had phone numbers for a few, but most I had to contact via email. Trust me this is not the type of information I wanted to send via email.

I lived close enough to Al to attend his funeral. With me I brought numerous prayers and words of comfort for his family to read. I wish i had been able to spend more time with them, but being an online friend, I thought that it was not my place. Later I found out his wife was looking for me and wanted me to come to the house.

When I first met this man, I had no clue how important he would become in my life. Many people may not think online relationships can grow into something incredible. Those are the people who never experienced one like I have.

<font color=white>laughter really is the best medicine</font color=white>

[mandala]

Your story is so sad... that must have been very difficult contacting all those people. (I lost a friend to suicide and the family had me notify all the friends so I know how it goes.)

Your friendship with him sounds so very special. I am glad for what you and he shared... he sounds like a unique individual.

I also like your story because it points out that sometimes there is NOT so much of a difference between on and off line relationships.

(((emwell)))

L

[emwell]

Thankyou ((((Mandala)))) He was and still is a unique individual. We originally connected because he lost his daughter in an accident. The night before my Dad passed, I returned home to find a message from someone I did not know. All it said was "if this is the Deb from the site, John Edward is going to be in New Haven, CT on Dec 1". I had every intention of going straight to bed as it had been a very stressful weekend, but I had to know more. I found numerous messages from MrAl. I am so glad Al called me (all he knew was my name and that I lived North of Boston).

To make a long story short, at the seminar, John Edward brought through Al's daughter. His daughter in turn brought through so many other people. I now know that I was there not for me, but to get messages to a family of a woman who passed on 9/11.

If you want to know how awesome Al is, you can check out the site he created in memory of his daughter. <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.ourjodi.com>http://www.ourjodi.com</A> I am doing my best to keep this site alive as Al's wife is a computer person. It had actually expired prior to Al crossing. I "accidentally" got it back online for free.

<font color=white>laughter really is the best medicine</font color=white>

[shakes]

I feel so much for that poor family and their losses. I can only hope with all of my heart that they are hanging in there after the loss of their daughter and now their dad/husband. That website is beautiful and Al sounds like a wonderful person.

Jessica

"Take these chances. Place them in a box until a quieter time..." ~DMB

[Wants2Fly]

What an interesting thread. I've only started using the 'net recently as a means of connection thru these forums.

As I read the posts, a quotation that pertains to self-presentation and fantasy came to mind:

"It isn't hard to fall in love with someone you barely know. In fact, the less you know about 'em, the easier it is." --MM Kaye. I may not have every word exactly in order correctly.