[wisewoman]

I spent the weekend with my youngest at college and left this afternoon to return home. About ten minutes after I left my spouse called and said he had something sad to tell me. I screamed and told him not to tell me something bad happened to my puppies. (my dogs aged 8 to 9 months). He told me that he was putting the dogs in the car to go for a run and the baby ran into the road and was killed. I screamed at him that he killed my puppy and he started screaming at me saying that he walked to the end of the drive and was calling her and a van came and killed her. I screamed more. I called my dog's breeder and was sobbing badly and told him what had happened and that I was soooo angry with my husband. He talked to me for a long time telling me that it was an accident and that it wasn't hubbies fault. I went to town and got drugs and went to his house and spent about 3 hours in the dog house with him and 2 litters of pups,and all of his adult dogs. I picked out a puppy as I had been planning on another puppy.

We talked about death and loss. This man had become my friend in the last 7 months. I told him about my losses of the animal kind. He told me of his. I cried. He told me not to go home angry with spouse as it would hurt more in the long run. I told him that everytime I was away from home something bad happens. It is true and my animals are my babies now and i love them so very much. I take good care of them and spouse's dog too. I am so much more careful. But he told me to let the anger go. i did not want to go home even to see my other 2 dogs.

I am home now and I know to some this is trivial. To me it is not. Animals have always been my friends and in childhood they were murdered without conscience. I could not look at my husband. he buried her. I had yelled at him to bury her as I do not do dead animals. He looks drawn and pale. I told him we could not speak of fault. It would hurt us. She is dead and I am so sad. I do not know who can understand my pain. My dogs live my inside life with me. They are my closest friends.

I hurt so much right now. I am eating some crackers as my stomach turned with my meds that are 4 hours late. Pain meds. My daughter is still sick and my spouse is an airhead and my dog would be alive if..... I had been home.

[onlymedid]

You can't blame yourself, hun. You shouldn't blame hubby because it was just a huge accident.
I don't think it is trivial. People have love for animals just as they do for people.
About if "I had been home", you never know what would have happened. What would you have done if you were the one putting the 'kids' in the car and the baby got away from you? It would still be an accident.
I truly believe things happen for a reason, whether they are big or small things. I cannot say what the reason was for your baby, but know that she is ok.
My step-dad still thinks that my mom wouldn't have gotten sick and gone to the hospital and passed if he had not gone out of town as it was the ONE time he ever left without mom. When he came home she passed. There was nothing he could have done, even if he was home and that is how I think about your poor baby.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

(((((wisewoman)))))

[pegasus]

That's dreadful. I'm so sorry for your loss.

(((((((((( wisewoman ))))))))

[I_WMD]

As I too have had the strays we have adopted [ errrm ,, adopted us ],, as our own >> many in almost 3 decades ,,, That yes the worse is the sudden loss.

But then I go to the thought of what would their Lives had been without the reaching out and Love they recieved from Us ??
Then I cry ,, and think to myself ,,, " The time they were here ,, They were LOVED with all of our Hearts !!!! .

[nothemama8]

ww, the puppy is over the Rainbow Bridge, no suffering anymore, please forgive your hubby, he is hurting too

[free2beme]

I also spend alot of time with my animals. They are a huge part of our family as well. I know you will miss the puppy terribly.
I am sorry for you and your family's loss.

[wisewoman]

She was so beautiful and full of love for me. Thank you ALL for kind words. It hurts so badly right now. I ache inside and yes, Hubby was/is terribly upset. I am with them all of the time except small appointments. I feel such a loss right now. I just brushed and trimmed one of the others as he found burs while I was away. My little Jack only shed white short hair everywhere. I love her and wish her back. She did know only love. Why did she go in the road? So many have been strays but I bought her after my last foster daughter. I hurt so. The kind words do help. It just hurts so,,,,,

[Danialla]

I feel so sorry for you.

I know the accident and the death of your puppy is such a sad thing to deal with (I am a dog lover myself). But I bet it is especially hard because of the association with the loss of your foster daughter.

I pray you will find peace soon.

[wisewoman]

Yup, especially hard. I want her here. I can't settle down tonight. I hurt.

[Rapunzel]

I'm sorry. I have lost pets too, and I know it does hurt. Your love is real, and nobody can tell you it is or should be any less than what it is.

[bebop]

((((ww)))) hon puppies sometimes just run like that. please don't blame your hubby. I know my little one takes off anytime he thinks he can run out the door. thank goodness I live 450 ft from the road. I am so sorry for your loss.

[DocClyde]

(((WiseWoman)))

So very sorry

[wisewoman]

Thanks Rap, bebop and Clyde. I had to look around and find what forum was appropriate for my thread. Hmm, survivors of abuse since I am like I am from watching my friends be murdered without conscience?
Relationships since i mention my husband and my angry feelings toward him?

I put in general due to the fact that it was a bunch of topics in here and because grief in my opinion should be kept for the loss of people in our lives. My loss of Jane is a lot worse then my puppy.
I am sad and triggered by many things as I try to deal with my puppy's death. Ptsd as I am terrified over the road and obsess over it? I am religiously careful after a child landed in my driveway hit by a car going 60. SHE was a neglected child from next door and never had a chance. I can't get the mail because of that and I am terrified of road sounds because of this. I too sit back from the road. Abuse as I watched the female parent use cloroform to murder my pets? My pets who were my only friends, my only solace to be found.I would try to hide the animals so they wouldn't be killed.

My spouse was not careful as he could have been. relationships?

I feel hurt that I am not considered intelligent enough to know where to post a thread. Due to the complex nature of what I am experiencing I really felt it should be in general. Flashbacks to the child's death. Flashbacks to the whole let's take away the foster child because I have a disability. I feel sad that I was moved and can't be left where i felt I wanted to be. I feel so many feelings right now. I will be startled by each new noise, hypervigilent. I am restraining myself because my anger would harm my husband. when I was a kid I used to beg the great spirit to lat me and my dog and her puppies all die so we would be together and away from the suffering that my life was. My dog away from breeding every available heet to make money off the sales of her puppies. She would hunt for them for days. I wanted we should all die. This was after I was a little kid and watched the dogs get murdered for no reason. The cats had it worse though. Just kill ALL of them. The dogs sometimes were allowed to live for a little while.

It doesn't matter though. It was only a dog and my suffering is a simple thing afterall.

[sarahlilianne]

I'm so sorry about your loss...
Lily

[nightbird]

I am so sorry for your grief, (((((ww))))), and all that is stirring inside this broken heart of yours.

Please know that people care and feel the pain you express. And your husband does too (((((ww's husband))))

I hope you feel strengthened soon, as you seem the kind of spirited person who is unsinkable.

It is wonderful to know there are people in this world who love their animals as you do.

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[sujunew]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
wisewoman said:
grief in my opinion should be kept for the loss of people in our lives. My loss of Jane is a lot worse then my puppy.
It was only a dog and my suffering is a simple thing afterall.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

(((((wisewoman)))))
grief is for anything and everything we may lose, whether it be a person in our lives, a pet, a stage of our lives, etc etc. Some ppl might grieve as much for missing out on hearing their child's first word as someone else might when a person close to them dies. It is all relative to that person, and as you hold your puppies so dear to you it does not make your grief any less significant than if you lost someone dear to you. I hope you are able to work through this ok, and that you and hubby can support one another- the guilt he must be carrying right now will be huge too.

[wisewoman]

Thank you both. I told my husband when he voiced what I had initially told him, that it was his fault that we need not go there and now the task at hand was to protect the others by changing our ways. He understood. I see the deep pain in his eyes and I know he saw her die and he buried her. His voice is also very scratchy from yelling at me over the phone when I was yelling. I told him to take some honey and tea and to sooth his voice. It is a terrible thing. I am aching so much and trying not to think of it. I can't deal with this pain. It hurts to see fewer feet. I love her. It is very complicated.

[wisewoman]

I want to appropriately thank you all for responding to my despair and offering support. I appreciate it more then you can know. I just felt that I was not thanking and responding appropriately. Thank you all so very much, everyone who held my pain for a moment and sent me caring. It means so very much.

[nightbird]

It is nice to see you today and I'm glad you found your thread.

May solace come quickly.

[wisewoman]

Thanks, I think that the few days have deadened it some. But I feel the loss sting on me with the memories of child abuse and animal murder and torture. I want my puppy back. at least she went very quickly. I want my puppy and I want the memories to go back to sleep.

[nothemama8]

ww hold on to her memory, that is a forever thing

[Soidhonia]

(((Wisewoman))). I am sorry for y our loss, and I hope things get better for you soon. Take care and best wishes. Soidhonia