Very devasting loss of friend

*************** POSSIBLE HIGH TRIGGER REGARDING LOSS BY SUICIDE ***************

One of my best friends committed suicide in my therapist office last week. The day this happened. He actually went in for a session, and at the end of session the therapist got up to open the door and see him out and he refused to leave, then pulled out a gun. she tried to talk him in putting it away for a minute or two, then ran out as fast as she could to call 911. My friend proceeded to barricade himself in the office. Police, SWAT and crisis intervention crews where called in. They tried to negotiate with him for about 3 hours to to come out. (I can't imagine the agony he was in during this time) He was described as being either extremely angry or very calm, and kept demanding for the T. to come back in the room. According to police, he was planning to kill her too. he finally just shot himself in the chest and died on the scene.

This is the most tragic thing I've had happen to me I can remember in a very long time. I know he was off his meds, but none of us saw this coming. He had defintely planned it out for that day because he dropped a packet of final instructions at a friends office before he went to his therapy session. I also know he had told me he was very fond of her and even felt protective of her as well.

In his final note to all his friends he said he tried to find a way to stay in life that made sense, some way that had some actual real integrity. He said he couldn't and didn't really know how we all manage to do it.

part of me is really mad at him and then really sad. I'm also feeling sad for my T. because she is shock over it and is really hurting. She told me I don't need to try and help her, she will do that on her own. But I can't help it. Its such an horrible event to go through and to have a client do it in your office. she's such a kind woman, and very compassionate too. But sometimes I'm angry at her too for how come she couldn't see it coming and do something to help him. Or if she helped cause it in someway. My rational mind knows she didn't, he was just severely disturbed but wouldn't open up about it, at least not to us. She says she didn’t see it coming either.

Another good friend of his said she was angry with the Therapist for the some things she had said to him therapy. I asked how she know, and she said, "because he told me about it".

We are in communication with each other and I'm trying to figure out if I should see a new T. to process. She says she can handle it with me, and if she feels she can't she'll refer me. I know her that she
always wants to be strong but I feel this a big game changer here. It’s so hard because my friend and i were close and he had referred me to his T. My T. and I had developed a very close thereaputic relationship over the past 2 years. It's all very complicated and intensely emotional.

My T. is now so distraught that she has cancelled all her appts. Over the next couple of weeks. when I spoke with her yesterday she was crying on the phone and had called another therapist for me to see. I think she is also heart broken she can't be there for me because she knows how much I'm suffering over it. These are very complicated emotions to understand. It will take time, but I feel our relationship is strong enough that when things stabilize for her we'll work through it. At least that is my hope. She has told we can work through it but right now she needs to do her own healing for awhile.

I'm currently seeing my Psychiatrist to keep emotionally stabilized.

I will say this tragedy has brought me closer to my friends and made me realize how deeply I care about them.

Please post any thoughts you think might help me understand or how to deal with my Therapist now.

Hello, and welcome. You've come to a good place for support and understanding. I'm glad you've reached out for that.

I'm so sorry to read what's happened. I can't imagine what that must feel like for you and hope that you're talking as much as you can about it. It seems that you are.

I further can't imagine how horrible this must be for your therapist. She may need a long period of recovery and I'm glad she's taking time for herself. You'll all be in my thoughts and prayers.

I really can't begin to guess where your relationship with your therapist might go from here. She may be doing self-care for a while...allowing you both time to heal before you even meet again. That in itself might ease everything when you first begin to meet again.

One thing I can say is that I wouldn't make *any* big changes right now...including changing therapists. If you need to see one in interim, please do...do some processing there. You might not know how it will go until you're actually seeing her again, and very well might have to make a decision. It might feel for me that a disaster has entirely changed the "landscape", so much so that the path to the destination goal might change completely to where I'd have to find an alternate route. However, it could also be that the path I was already walking just might need to be cleared again...and I won't know until I actually begin walking the path again.

I would just suggest that you make no big changes or decisions right now. If, when you being therapy with your t again, it's not working, then you might have to find another "path".

Again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

KD

So Sorry for your Loss. Such a tragic situation. I know Ive been there myself and am lucky to be alive today.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please don't hesistate to PM
if you need to talk more about it. Again I'm very sorry.

I lost good friend 6 years ago from suicide so I can relate to what your
going through....

Take care
and be strong

ziggy1
(Dave)

I am so sorry for your tragic loss. suicide to me is so senseless.

I don't have any good advice regarding your T, but I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. I've had a friend and a family member commit suicide. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. Take good care of yourself right now.

********hugs*********
i just want to say i am sorry and that i am sitting here with you.
I think processing it as you need to is a good idea with another individual.
k

Thank you all so far who have commented here. it is comforting I have a place to help process this tragic event. We have the memorial service today for him and I think that should help us get some sense of closure to move down our healing path. Your thoughts about my Therapy are good for me to see. i know my T. is very strong resilient woman and this episode was game changer for us both. It is my hope we can work effectively again in the future. I just dread the aspect of changing therapists and all the time it takes to develop that trust again with someone. I do know it is important for me to handle my own self care. Ultimately I'm not responsible for helping my T....it's her job to support me, and I understand if she's not up to it, then I need to move on.

Thanks again for your understanding.
Warmly,
Funnyguy

my deepest sympathy to you for the loss of your friend. i lost my cousin to suicide 6 years ago, so i can relate to your pain. it is very difficult to accept the loss and the means by which it took place. i hope that both you and your therapist are able to grieve and continue your relationship once you are both feel well enough to do so.

agony

My condolences.

I sure can relate. My friend killed herself mid August, right after seeing her case manager and assuring him that she would not harm herself.

I've been going through such a mix of feelings also. I really feel for her mental health support team. I'm mad at my friend, sad, shocked, now that time has passed I'm more at peace with the reality.



I like KD's wisdom about making no big changes unless needed. And I'm glad you know that a therapist's job is to help and support you.

(((Hugs to you)))

I am so sorry to hear and hope for best wishes and care for you from here on out...