Re: Death Grief Time?

I bring forth a subject that has been bothering me for a long, long time.

My Family: I am youngest & only girl; had 4 older brothers

Hx: My favorite brother, Greg (the only bro to protect me from other bro's) blew himself away, 3 days before Xmas. He was my world. He was 18 years old, I was 14....was always told by mother that I had no right to grieve because "he was only your brother, he was my SON" Took 8 years of therapy to even admit he was "gone" It still tears me apart...people say "That long ago? Give it up already!"

Last April 20th: My brother John (who took over for Greg) died unexpectantly; complications from 3 prior suicide attempts...including a bullet that missed his heart by a mere 1/2 inch. I am not sure what to do this year on April 20th. I am 43, he was 46 & just married. The only brother I can talk to, (there's only the oldest & we don't talk anymore) calls me & constantly yells at me "Get over IT!!!!"
My mother says: "He's with Greg & happy, so forget it!"

In past 5 years: I have lost 3 long-time friends I have formed relationships w/ while in psychiatric wards....I am told "Forget IT! They're in a better place" (that's suppose to be comforting)

Ryan.....

Who has the right to say how long to grieve? And who is most "worthy" to be able to grieve? Is there a time limit someone hasn't told me about?

My heart feels like it's been ripped out...any
opinions out there?

((((((((( DayZee ))))))))

Oh, sweetheart. This is so sad.

You grieve as long as you need to, and not a day less. Nobody has any right to tell you not to hurt when you've suffered so tremendously.



I am always here to be a crying shoulder for you

Angela

I probably have a very wierd concept of grief & death let alone the time involved in it all.

I have always had the problem that when things go into me, they never come out...knowledge, feelings, experiences. This makes it hard for me to ever get over anything. The only thing that happens is that other things come into my life like possibly a new life or job or anything else that puts my mind into another place. It doesn't mean that that any of the past has gone away or the memories but it is just that I have new things to concentrate on.

My Mom just died this last January and the last 3 months I was with her 24 hrs a day with alot of trauma that went along with it that brought in the police even trying to accuse me of abusing her. Since I was the only child & am required to handle the estate, I am constantly dealing with the issues every day & know that when that is over, I will be living in a home that was paid for by her. Not too many meangiful personal things from the past left after the theft that went on during her home care, but I realize that my life will never be my own again without knowing that I am where I am because of her. I also know that I was in the hospital for the past 2 months because of the things that went on during the time she was being cared for & because of the choices she forced me to make. I think that grief will always come out at times forever but after a time is lessens however the more things that are around you constantly to remind you of your relationship, the longer it will last.

I guess I have a wierd concept because even though dealing with suicide is very hard (I've tried myself many times), it is not much different that when someone does not pay attention to themselves & allows something that could have been taken care of to be ignored to the point where the only outcome is death.

You are entitled to deal with grief for as long as it takes you there is no definition, but some of the grief is remembering & thinking about the situation rather than dwelling on the grief. During grief, it is hard to even function. If you are functioning, then I might consider it deep memories rather than major grief.

Don't ever worry about what you are feeling unless you become non-functional because of it. I ended up having my anorexia problems come back to the point I could not function & am dealing with it now where everytime I eat I end up with nausea. It is having an effect on my functioning so I realize I need help even though I don't know if it will do any good. I have hopes that I will be able to function again & am finding that I can do a little more than I first could, but I do not know when or if it will ever get over.

Sometimes I think we just have to learn to live with the path our lives have taken & that may mean that we need alot of help getting there. There is nothing wrong with that & we have to do what we need for ourselves & don't worry about what other people thing about where you are in your life. Just take care of yourself. That is what I have been being told for the last few months & realize it is true. I didn't go through this with my father & don't understand the difference other than the closeness. It seems that the closer you are to someone, the more & longer it effects you.

The important thing to remember is that it is your life & memories that exist & only you can control how that goes with no one being entitled to judge you.