[Ygrec23]

I can't think of any other forum in which to post this thread. If you have any ideas, please let me know.

Over the past year or so my wife has found it increasingly difficult to be able to remember enough words to express what she wants to say. She sleeps 15 to 16 hours a day. She drinks a lot of liquor. She totters when she stands up and, if I'm not looking, holds on to things to steady herself when she walks. She tries to hide all this from me and won't answer any questions about it. Her neurologist has prescribed Aricept and Namenda for her, which we can't afford. I haven't yet been able to get her to sign HIPAA waivers for her family doctor or the neurologist, so they can't talk to me.

From all this I have to conclude that she's slowly falling into some kind of dementia. I don't know if it's Alzheimer's or some other kind. Based on what I've said in the preceding paragraph, do any of you readers have any idea of which kind of dementia she may be developing or whether I'm totally off-base here? Is there anything that can be done about it to slow it down? When should she stop driving? She'll resist that mightily. When should she stop drinking alcohol? She'll resist that too. Does anyone know how this might affect her longevity?

This is not fun. If any of you have any experience as caregiver for someone with dementia, please share your insights and conclusions with me. And which websites have helped you most. I (obviously) need as much information as I can get. I suppose those HIPAA waivers are the number one necessity right now. Thanks for listening. Take care.

[Yoda]

Alcoholism is one possible cause of dementia.

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/dementia/a/aa990714.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_dementia

[lotusflames]

i was going to say similar to the poster above. are you sure it's not the alcohol causing the symptoms?

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Yoda

Alcoholism is one possible cause of dementia.

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/dementia/a/aa990714.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_dementia

Thanks for the references, Yoda. Take care.

[lynn P.]

I'll be very honest here and say your wife is possibly an alcoholic. My brother was a lifelong alcoholic and at the age of 62, he was diagnosed with early onset, alcohol related Alzhiemers. She needs to quit the alcohol (preferably an AA program) because alcohol damages the brain.

[Perna]

I think you have to take her to a doctor. It sounds to me like there could be all sorts of physical things wrong with her and it's possible a few meds and things could help her enormously. I was having more than usual trouble with my words and my Vitamin D prescription appears to be helping me (and I'm not drinking too much). The sleeping could be thyroid; there's all sorts of physical things that could account for a lot of her symptoms. Get her to a doctor for a physical and blood/urine tests, etc.

[bebop]

not sure where you are but neither myself nor my husband has ever had to sign a waiver for the dr to talk to either of us. of course we always go with each other to appts. also I never had an issue when I would go with my other relatives. my dad and my aunt.

her memory problems are what everyone else has said. it is the drinking. stop enabling her hon. it will pull you down as well. been there done that.

[SophiaG]

Alcohol makes you black out and forget....the parts of the substance that cause neurological changes in the short term maybe have migrated to longer term?

Perhaps it would reverse if she stopped drinking.

She's obviously in denial...

Like all alcoholics. o_-

[Ygrec23]

Thank you all very much for your responses. I spoke about my wife's alcohol problem with our T (we both see her separately) yesterday. T raised the issue based on our P-doc's notes (same guy, in the same office) about what I'd said concerning W and alcohol last time I saw him.

I gave T more detail. She too thinks that W's problems could be alcohol-related. We agreed that I would draft and send one letter addressed to W's neurologist, family doctor, P-doc and T, containing my statements of what I'd seen and experienced and my concern. It may not be the same in other areas, but here in Florida at least all these doctors insist on formal HIPAA written waivers before they'll talk to you. They'll LISTEN to you at any time, even without a waiver. But they won't say anything back. I don't care about that. I care about her getting treatment.

She's in absolute, total, complete denial, even when she has a large glass of straight brandy in her hand. She's pretty comfortable with alcohol. She has the idea that somehow her national origin protects her (she was born in France but she's been here in the U.S. permanently since 1960.) She's not like MR, one of my old friends from high school, who just won't stop drinking until he passes out. And I have to say it, I'm not really comfortable with "turning her in" or ratting on her. I know if she's drinking this way for so long it's because something must be wrong, but maybe it's because there's something wrong with me. No alcoholics in her family, whom I knew well before they died. But she's diabetic type 2, and has been for years. Somewhere inside her she must know drinking is bad for her, but she just won't talk about it.

So talking with our T yesterday lit a fire under me and I will get that letter out and fax it to the doctors' offices. Take care.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Ygrec23

but maybe it's because there's something wrong with me.

dear Ygrec23,
Would it be ok if I asked what you meant by this?

E

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Elana05

dear Ygrec23,
Would it be ok if I asked what you meant by this?

E

Sure, Elana,

I was raised to believe that a man owed it to his family to be a "good provider" and supply them with a comfortable standard of living. My father was a good provider. I am not. My mental nonsense has made it a much more difficult thing for me to do. But I still feel that way. Particularly now, when I feel overwhelmed. I know quite well that I shouldn't feel that way. I fully understand that in today's world (and for some time past), couples share that kind of obligation. But I've never been able to undo my conviction. Does this answer your question?

Take care!

[Elana05]

Yes, I understand now. I know where you're coming from. Being an only child, I still believe it is my obligation to provide (at least a small amount) to my parents or at the very least not have to ask them for help anymore since I am now in my 30's.

Not sure if this might be any help, but I can relate something I picked up at the last AlAnon meeting I went to. It is in regard to how life does not look like we want it to. A group-member (who has been struggling with her past for over 30 years) said she felt like she was back at "0" again and ready to relearn many aspects of her self-care as if she were a child. She said something about not having life turn out the way she expected and wanted and yet... that she was human and doing the very best that she could under all circumstances. I found this helpful... and have been since saying this to myself when I freeze up thinking about "what should have been," whether it's what should have been 15 years ago or what should have happened yesterday (I'm constantly doing it). To me this says something about it not being bad, just different because this is where life is:

"Here is what I wanted it to look like,
and here is where I am human."

[Ygrec23]

Hi, Elana,

You said, in reference to someone in your Al-Anon group: "that she was human and doing the very best that she could under all circumstances." Or she said it about herself. It doesn't matter. That's where I am too. I'm just starting out working with an excellent T (4 or 5 sessions so far). And that's pretty much what she's been telling me. But what we're doing now, going back to all those past years and dredging up all that repressed emotion, just makes it all the harder to keep remembering that I'm human and did the best I could. I think unthinkable thoughts. Like I'm drowning in a sea of acid. Like I'm being eaten by a shark. Like I'm in a concentration camp. All my life I've defended myself against this stuff. And now I've got to face it because this is the first time I've even been able to contemplate doing such a thing. And there's this overwhelming desire to change and come out of this lifetime of craziness. To be me, at last. Then I can die. I'm pretty old. It would be nice to fix this before I go. Thanks. Take care.

[Perna]

Aricept and Namenda are both used during the initial stages of Alzheimers and alcohol should not be used at all if either is taken. Namenda actually increases sedation and drowsiness if there's alcohol.

I know you said you all couldn't afford these but I didn't know if that meant you didn't get those prescriptions filled at all or that they were just costly to you.

I think I would conclude, if she was prescribed these drugs, that she was in early Alzheimers. Do you know anything about the tests or background of what "happened" that she was prescribed them?

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Perna

Aricept and Namenda are both used during the initial stages of Alzheimers and alcohol should not be used at all if either is taken. Namenda actually increases sedation and drowsiness if there's alcohol. I know you said you all couldn't afford these but I didn't know if that meant you didn't get those prescriptions filled at all or that they were just costly to you. I think I would conclude, if she was prescribed these drugs, that she was in early Alzheimers. Do you know anything about the tests or background of what "happened" that she was prescribed them?

Hi, Perna!

I accompanied Jacky to several visits with her neurologist. I did not observe him giving her any tests. I think that his conclusions were just seat of the pants, him being a very, very experienced neurologist. And we cannot afford either Aricept and Namenda and have not purchased either. We've applied to the makers of both for free prescriptions, but haven't heard back yet. I'm quite sure that Jacky has not shared with the neurologist the fact that she's a heavy drinker. That very well might cause him to change his diagnosis. I don't know. But I think so. I have no doubt at all that for a woman of her age and physical problems (heart condition and diabetes 2), alcohol is just out of the question. But she won't even discuss the matter with me, let alone listen. So I reviewed the DSM-IV entries on alcohol abuse and dependence and am writing one letter about the situation to all of her doctors: therapist, P-doc, GP, and neurologist. Hopefully she'll listen to one or more of them. Thanks. Take care!

[Laurie1041]

I am sorry to hear of your grief over your wife's alcoholism. From what I have learned through addiction experts is that you are POWERLESS over whether or not your wife continues to drink. Having said that, you do have control over your own responses to your wife's drinking and behavior. I highly recommend that you attend Ala-non meetings which are intended for the family and/or loved ones of those who are alcoholic. In the meantime, I would suggest that you do an internet search for chemical dependency facilities in or around your area. Your wife's doctor may be very instrumental in getting your wife into a chemical dependency program so that she can be safely detoxed. Abruptly stopping alcohol without medical intervention and medications can result in death. Read all you can about "co-dependency". It has been said that the spouse/loved one of an alcoholic can become "sicker" than the alcoholic. Find help for yourself so that you can regain your mental well-being.