[OliversTwisted94]

For god's sake- I know my medical history is confusing, but SERIOUSLY PEOPLE?????? Give me SOMETHING to actually work with!!!!!!!

Here's the breakdown of why I'm so Angry:

I have had serious psychiatric issues for over two years now. Somewhere along the way, I began having periods of dissociation. The dissociation is distinct in the sense that:
A.) It happens when I get emotional- so there is ALWAYS a reason.
B.) I know exactly what I am doing, am in control of what I do and say, and am fully aware all of the time- just emotionally blank.
C.) It's more like feeling spacey; that is, I feel like I'm kind of watching myself from above. But again, I am totally aware of exactly what's going on.

THEN, more recently (July of 2012), I began having episodes of completely blacking out. Like literally- I would get really flustered or upset and actually blackout for a while, during which time I would usually do some kind of dangerous activity (SI, smoking, pill popping) or write some very disturbed, angry journal entries/letters. These have really kind of dissipated over time. These were distinct in the sense that:
A.) I would NOT be aware of/in control of what I was doing.
B.) I couldn't recall anything I did or said until I "came back".
C.) I typically avoided people in these times, I guess- no one ever noticed that I "wasn't myself". I usually don't have any rage/anger issues.... so they would have known.

Then finally, in August of this year, I began getting these "episodes", where I would be semi-conscious the whole time, but not actually aware of the things going on around me. These are SO SO SO distinct to me in the sense that:
A.) THESE incidents were NOT- let me repeat that, NOT- fueled by any emotion in any way shape or form. I could be sitting on the toilet and start to feel it. I could be standing in line at the checkout counter and feel it. NOT any kind of overly emotional response to anything. In fact, they catch me completely off-guard and by surprise.
B.) I have distinct feelings of disorientation, confusion, and dulled senses. I know that I get so scared when these happen, because I don't know what the hell is going on and what I am doing. It's really scarey to be sitting in the car and all of a sudden just become so lost.
C.)I become "tongue-tied"- that is , I will know what I need to say, I will want to say it, but it's like my mouth can't make the words.
D.) These episodes last for many excruciating hours- around 3-5 hours.
E.) I seriously remember very little of what happens; I can give one word answers, but it's like I'm on autopilot. FOR EXAMPLE: I was standing in the store one day with my mother, and we were just talking; and then one of these episodes hit. I was physically hearing her, but it's like I wasn't processing what was happening. I must have said something, but I know that I was mumbling a lot; I couldn't understand the stuff coming out of my mouth. Now, my mom is technically deaf in one ear, so we often have to repeat something louder for her. While she was talking, she asked me a question; and I mumbled something in response. She asked me to repeat what I had just said because she couldn't hear me; and I just remember getting really frustrated because I couldn't understand what she wanted from me, and I couldn't repeat the thing I had just said to her. To this day, I have NO idea as to what we were talking about, what she said, or what I said. I actually have very little memory of any communication I may have made/received at this time; I knew what we were DOING, per say (just looking around town, doing a little of shopping on our way across state for a wedding trip) and it's odd; I remember a lot of distinct colors and features.... but I still have no idea about what was said by either myself or the people with me.

When I shared the info of these most recent episodes with my therapist, she became concerned and said I should go to a neurologist. The first thing the neurologist did was order an EEG- which I just found out today was normal. So NOW..... where am I??? Am I just going to be stuck randomly becoming disoriented; am I just supposed to accept that the EEG results are normal and these new episodes will just magically go away??? Well, guess what??? It's been over two months now, with these episodes becoming more and more frequent. I got them 1-2 times a week for the first two weeks. Then they just started increasing in frequency; now, they are happening AT LEAST every other day. Am I the ONLY one concerned about this??? I know I am particularly worried because in April of this year, I began experiencing tics/jerking all over my body. My pdoc just stuck me on Valium, saying that they were probably related to muscle tension. I am beginning to doubt the accuracy of this claim

I am actually just about ready to say "to hell with it all" and ignore everyone elses opinions. I am almost tempted to stop taking my meds; who knows what the hell is in those stupid psych meds?!?!?!? For all I know, I could be taking something that's f*****g me up!!! For all I know, I could be getting poisoned by my doctor or something! (Okay, not really.... but still, you get my point???)
Okay, that last part was a bit of a rant ; but still, why the hell should I be taking meds that don't seem to be helping anything, or maybe even hurting me??? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Any advice would be much appreciated please.

[shezbut]

(((wiltedrose)))

Physical illnesses and emotional disorders do overlap one another.

That said, when you come to after the 2012 episodes, do you recall what happened during your semi-conscious state? Is it the same each time?

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/schizophrenia/DS00196

Regarding your latest episides, that began in August, I can only adise you to continue seeing the neurologist. Other tests may be needed to come up with an explanation for you.

Best wishes to you!

[Leed]

What is the NAME of the medication that you are on? Can you tell us that? I'd really like to know. Thanks

[OliversTwisted94]

well, I am on a lot of medications right now...... the one I got put on for the tics/jerking is Valium. I am also on Wellbutrin (mood stabilizer), Ambien (insomnia), Guanfacine (ADD and PTSD- it's supposed to "keep me grounded"), Saphris (anti-psychotic), Vyvanse (ADD), and then my meds for my physical conditions (high blood pressure, acid reflux, etc etc etc).
The only one that I am one that is new is the Guanfacine.... I started that one in early August when I was hospitalized (part of the reason I was hospitalized was for the blackouts-I was doing dangerous stuff that I couldn't remember).

I hope this helps a little.