[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

So... Where to begin? I was diagnosed in March with Epilepsy. I am about to be 26 next month. I started to get confirmed seizures in August 2011. It started with a grand mal seizure. But for a couple months leading up to that seizure something happened and I was always tired and never had any energy. Then I had the tonic clonic seizure. I was so anxious from that it was bad. It took a good 6 months for me to start feeling like myself. In February I started feeling better. I kept having episodes (that turns out are likely simple partial seizures) but not loss of consciousness. May 2012 came around and I had a drop seizure. I was having a lot of simple partials at this time.

I got the worst anxiety of my life in May. It lasted a good 6 months before really getting any better (without meds). So when I gained some weight and didn't do anything and stayed in bed most days I blamed it on the anxiety from the seizures.

But the anxiety is pretty much gone and my energy has not come back. I have random days of energy but not often. My therapist and pdoc said many times that they thought I was depressed but I've been depressed before, the emotions aren't the same. I don't feel miserable or anything, I just have no energy at all. None. I hate this. I look back at how I was before all this nonsense happened and I wonder if I will ever be the same. It's been 2 years and my energy hasn't come back. I try exercising and it doesn't help, I just get more worn out.

I have hope for the future, I smile and have many happy moments but I don't enjoy things like I used to, my anxiety effects that aspect. Not being able to drive stopped me from being able to go anywhere (not to mention I got PTSD from an accident almost a year to the day before the tonic clonic) and driving and getting out of the house was a way for me to get out of my ruts. I just finally got my license back but my PTSD was from an accident so that coupled with the epilepsy, driving scares me and I don't know if I'm ready to drive.

I'm starting to think the doctors may be right and I may be depressed, I just don't have the emotional symptoms of depression. I don't randomly cry (unless it's over a commercial or movie or something, heck I didn't cry when my favorite Grandmother passed away a few months back) I don't see the future as hopeless, I look forward to the future.

I took this off a website for refrence

• Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions - I do have this but not so bad since the anxiety has faded.
• Fatigue and decreased energy- Definately have this
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness- Do not have this
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism -Not this
• Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping- Not this
• Irritability, restlessness- Irritability yes, to the extreme
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex - Yes, but this is due to the anxiety of having a seizure during an activity
• Overeating or appetite loss - Not this
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment - Yes, this.
• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings - Anxious but that's better now, not the other two
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts - Not this

So I just don't know what to do. I don't want anti depressants, they don't help. I tried to contact my therapist to get back in there but I'm waiting for them to call me back. They don't know much about epilepsy and depression though, and my therapist isn't really aknowledging my epilepsy diagnosis either, even though I have an EEG to prove it.

I just don't know what to do. I try doing a lot to get me out of this rut, I picked up caffeine again, it helped on day 1 but that was it. I try convincing myself to go out and walk around or something and within an hour I'm ready to go home and take a nap. I spend the entire morning online and can't seem to break that habit. I'll be online from 8am-1pm. And this behavior isn't good, I have a child.

I was a really good mom before all of this. Now my nerves and all just get in the way and it's killing me. I just want to go back to the way I was 2 years ago, go back to the me that was cautious all the time but still wanting to go out and do things and still able to spend real genuine quality time with my daughter. What's wrong with me?

Has anyone with epilepsy had to deal with depression from their epilepsy?

[hamster-bamster]

You need a specialist. I do not know about the US - in Russia there is a subspecialty called "epileptology" and those people have had training in neurology and psychiatry.

[shezbut]

Yes indeed, PFM!

Not uncommon at all for those with E to suffer emotional disorders. Particularly if your primary seizure type is complex partial, These almost always cause emotional disorders!

It is hard. No doubt about it! But, better times will also come to you, once you adjust to medicines and life changes. Just a warning though, E can worsen significantly with menstrual cycles, pregnancy, and menopause. Make sure that you're taking the right med's for you & know the possible side effects long before pregnancy occurs (in case you and your hub are considering that option in the near future). The E definitely is a factor which should be considered carefully, IMO.

Gentle hugs to you