ha.
hi.

I'm trying to just... focus on some positive stuff first. It doesn't last too long. I just got some upgrades to my health care benefits, which don't kick in until January. The good thing is, January is only like eleven days away.

The bad thing is that pretty much the last year has spent with me trying to get my life together and be less sick.

I've been through like four jobs, because I keep trying really hard to make a living outside of disability. I keep failing becausee my body keeps insisiting it's sick [but what does it know, right?].

um. But I've lost a lot of weight and gained some mental stability and s light bit of financial stability- recently because of some assistance I've been enrolled in. So really, it's like January should be the month of plenty. Kind of hah.

Anyway.
As I'm typing this my wrists and hands hurt. But I'm used to that, as it's a usual thing now.

I don't really know what is wrong.
My health has really gone downhill and everything hurts all the time.

I had seizures and migraines under control kind of.
Only now after being on well over the max of my A/C, its' clear that isn't really working anymore.

So I have had to drop the dose of the only AD that actually works for my depression- right as winter kicks into gear and we lose sunlight and gain cold weather.

...and so goes my mental stability.
I'm fighting the whole "going crazy" thing, but... really?
Why?

And still having seizure activity and migraines btw. Now with bonus depression! only it's like, chemical depression creeping in, not just "occasionally bummed out because I don't feel well" kind of depression.

Also, I woke up with really the first nose bleed I ever remember having and a pounding headache that felt like my brain wanted to leap through my face this morning.

At least I could actually see alright this morning though.

...which is different from about half of my mornings. My doctors can't really figure out what that is, though. I'll wake up and not really be able to see about half the time, but it comes back after about 30-40 minutes. So i can't get into the office for them to observe what is going on before it restabilizes.

Not at all freaking me out.

Also, showering sucks.
My arms are weak and my wrists and hands hurt when I wash my hair.

My hips and neck hurt when I try to sleep.
naproxen makes me nauseated.
Though occasionally I'm nauseated from an imprending migraine.

Sometimes I sweat because my body temperature gets screwed when I'm expecting a migraine- which no one has heard of, so of course MUST NOT ACTUALLY BE TRUE.

So, apparently I hallucinate that I sweat the night or two before a major migraine and wake in a cold room, which increases the pain in the muscles and joints throughout my body like five fold.

um.
oh.

My skin itches.
I can't eat oatmeal anymore on top of dairy and gluten and eggs and WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE because I start coughing and my throat gets itchy.

My jaw hurts and my teeth break sometimes.

I randomly wake up with my eyes so dry and itchy they hurt and i have trouble opening them. Unfourtunately this does not coincide with the sight issues, so no help there.

My face, lips, throat, all swell randomly.

I can't feel my feet sometimes.
Sometimes they feel like they are on fire.

People tell me I'm fat and need to exercise more because I'm lazy, also, that I need to get a job... oh and I'm lazy.

This is all in my head by the way and I need to stop whining.

um.
but you know me... I'm ok.
HA.


...that would be why I'm occasionally a cranky pants.
I'm seriously not just a jerk at heart.

/end scene

[Travelinglady]

I know some health problems can be caused by mental disorders, but......I am concerned that there is something serious going on with all the ones you are having.