[StarBlue]

For the past 2 weeks have been in the hospital twice - scheduled now for CT next week. Been feeling very weird, like all of my affairs need to be put into order and life now has taken on a life of its own where it now is deciding for me the constraints and constructs and how and when things will play out.

My breathing has changed, my heart is beating faster from every effort and pain is weaving in and out of my stomach and pelvis, back and front. I try to breathe but there is a slight catch to the breath. And little appetite.

I've often said and felt I don't care one way or another and anytime is a good time to go. I still stand by those words, as I've never felt that this was my home or place or that there was anything keeping me tethered.

Been exposed to so many toxins since birth and so many illnesses since birth and so much pain since birth that the record has been broken. I look at people now with different eyes, from the viewpoint of someone leaving and having little to remark on anything, we're just meeting briefly and then I go, and no one will remember that time or the sentiment.

Anyway, I have no family to speak of, I have 2 cats. I am not divulging location because it doesn't matter. Right now, breathing. Right now conscious. No regrets. No sorrow. Just this.

[Yours_Truly]

(((((StarBlue)))))