[bugbear83]

I have no idea where to ask this. I thought about the PTSD section but it doesn't feel right. I'm just experiencing some weird things and I feel like I need to talk about them and ask.... Was this "trauma"?

So to start, I had my second occurrence of an infected abscess on my right inner labia. (I know, super gross, I'm sorry.) Could have been a bartholin's abscess, but it hardly matters now. What mattered was that it was so painful to move my legs or stomach or hips, to sit down or stand up straight, to lay down on my side or walk around that I was effectively crippled for a few days with the pain. I desperately tried to take care of it myself with some home remedies that had worked the first time I had one of these buggers, but finally resigned myself to the hospital for treatment when the pain had me writhing and without sleep one night.

I knew they would lance it. I also knew they'd be sticking me with needles to try and numb the area before they cut it open. I was extremely terrified of this happening in my vaginal area, but saw no choice in the matter. I sucked it as bravely as possible and was assured that the needles would be the worst of it.

The lidocaine needles were *not* the worst of it.

I don't know if anyone's ever had a needle pushed into their genitals but let me assure you, it was not the worst of it. Because I wasn't numb when they cut me.

I could still feel the scalpel, and the doctor even attempted to just squeeze all the puss and infection out because she could tell that I wasn't numb. But that wasn't as effective as it could have been, and they needed to proceed with slicing me open. I have no idea how painful it could have been without the numbing medication, but it was still so painful that I was screaming and sobbing and just trying to count the seconds of the clock over my head, since that was all I could see, and telling myself it would be over soon.

It took fifteen minutes of terror and pain like I'd never felt, but they were finally done. They packed the drained abscess full of gauze and told me to come back to the ER in two days to have it removed.

But I'm scared to go back. Even though having the gauze removed won't hurt (I assume) I don't want to go back to that hospital ever again. I called out of work for today and tomorrow, and have been scared to move around. I don't want to dislodge the gauze, and I also just don't feel like moving.

I had to get up to help put away groceries, and even that small amount of activity had me fatigued, breathless, and needing a nap. It's that I'm most worried about, because I'm always worried about heart issues being obese.
Fatigue is a part of trauma but was this even "trauma"? Was I just over reacting? I was told by the shocked doctor that I have a "high tolerance" for medication and that's why I wasn't numbed enough, but I seem to be numb enough at the dentist to be alright.

Why was this time so different?

Why am I this horribly tired????

I just want to crawl in a hole and not move for a week.

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's totally nderstandable that you don't want to go back to the or that hospital. Can you have someone else remove the gauze in another setting? Your GP, maybe?

(On the other hand, if you don't go back to the hospital now, you may develop a long-lasting fear or phobia of hospitals. Be careful.)

[bugbear83]

Hey Breadfish. Thanks for replying.

Well to give you an update, I did go back to the hospital. And the trip was a much better time than before, specifically because everything was much more relaxed and no sharp objects were brought out. The doctor who removed the packing was very nice, and allowed me to just stay in a regular bed rather than scooch into a spread eagle position, which made me feel safer in the first place.

All in all I'm glad I went, and I seem to be healing just fine.

Still depressed though. I'll get over it in time.