[Evening]

And I’ve mentioned previously, I am going through cancer. It just keeps getting worse and worse in terms of news and now I’ve been told that my chances are so slim they aren’t expecting I’ll live. Thought I MIGHT.
My surgeon is trying to organise surgery for me, and I’d be sent interstate for a radical surgery with the top surgeon of this field in the country. However after it was explained to me what they may be doing, and that I may end up with both a colostomy and ileostomy for the rest of my life, I’m not sure if I can go through with it. Which will mean I will die. I’m only 31 which makes it extremely difficult to go through (not that it wouldn’t be difficult for any age, but I’m not exactly 70 and had a long life). I have had to live with the potential of having a colostomy for the last 2 years since my cancer ordeal started, but because they may be removing my bladder too... I don’t know what to do. I have never been a confident person, and I have always had body image issues. So the idea of pissing through my stomach for the rest of my life is hard.
I tried looking up photos and videos of people with stomas and colostomies/ileostomies to get used to the idea and I just couldn’t deal with it. When I watched a video of someone cleaning their stoma I was crying within 5 seconds. If I can’t even watch someone else how am I supposed to deal with it on myself every day.
I’m scared that either decision I’ll make I’ll end up regretting. I don’t want to turn this down and then look back and wish I’d gone through with it when I’m dying. But I don’t want to agree to it and then not be able to handle it and not be able to turn back if this surgery does end up saving my life.
And then there is the possibility of more people turning on me. I’ve predominantly had people be supportive of either decision I make, but I know one or 2 people who will likely call me selfish if I don’t go through with it.
I’m still waiting for them to tell me exactly what is going to be done, but I don’t want to wait until I don’t have much time to decide before thinking about it, being such a huge decision.
I really just don’t know what to do...

[happysobercrafter]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish I had answers for you but I know nothing about this type of situation.

There must be some system of support connected to the medical aspect of this, right? A caseworker or a therapist of what you need or who could help you find the answers you need? I am sorry if I am not making sense. xoxox

[Evening]

I have a therapist, but I won’t be seeing her for a few weeks. There is a nurse I can contact too but I really need to know EVERYTHING they are going to do and how I will look after so that I can make a decision. When I had my hysterectomy 7 weeks ago I felt things weren’t explained to me as much as I’d like. If I get sent interstate I’d be there for 2-3 weeks. They are considering a pelvic exenteration and a HIPEC (which is a form of chemotherapy). If you look up the surgery you’ll see how major it is and I’ve already had 2 surgeries.

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you can find the help and the information and support you are looking for to make your decision.

Have you tried to join specialized forums with people similar to what you are going through? If you cannot watch videos, maybe reading about their experiences and their everyday lives is easier for you, and could help you understand better how living with colostomy/ileostomy would be like. I think there are also people who write about their experiences in blogs or their websites. People with inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) go through these procedures as well. The underlying causes are different, but the procedures are the same. So, they also can shed some light on what you want to know in terms of life style in general and the specifics of living with colostomy/ileostomy.

[Skeezyks]

I don't have anything useful to offer. But I wanted to let you know I read your post & I send my best wishes whatever decision you ultimately make.

[Aviza]

You said you feel like you should go through with it. My suggestion is follow your intuition whatever it suggests. This is a crossroads. You choose life or let things take their course i.e. death. If it's not a life you think you can live, your option is to let nature take its course. Knowing more won't change the fact you think you'll regret living the way the surgery will leave you. How spiritual are you? Do you believe in heaven? I personally would pray for God to guide my decision. Best of luck.

[happysobercrafter]

Evening, honey, what do you want to do?

Hi, I read your post and found many great supportive post here. Sounds like you are faced with a difficult decision, but at least it is your decision to make. I guess that could be a blessing and a curse, but I know I would want to choose if possible. My suggestion is gather your facts, percentages, and as much information and testimonials as possible to make your decision. Join a support group and live your life to its fullest. Is getting a second opinion from different medical professional an option?

[unaluna]

Ive gone back and read some of your earlier posts. It sounds like your current job doesnt give you much to live for, what with the hours and the constant on-call.

So, whether you have the operation or not, how would you like to spend your last years? Could you sell your house and live on the proceeds? On a permanent vacation til the end? Or if you have the operation, could you then go back to vet school? Then you might at least have a happier life.

If nothing else, you may want to tell your story to a wider audience. Your posts that have been preserved here on psych central have an immediacy to them.

[Travelinglady]

I had a friend with both bladder and bowel stomas, and she coped well with them. My sis has a bowel stoma. They are pains to deal with, but it just get to be parts of a routine. They can be managed, and they can give you a longer life.

Do you have family and friends in your life? I think they could be considered, too.

I'm sad you're in this situation, but at your age, I don't think I'd give in to the cancer.

[TerryL]

i was just wondering if there was any news about evening?