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Grand Magnate
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Location: UK
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#41
I’m sorry to hear you’re facing surgery Rose, you’ve been through a lot recently. Have you discussed your concerns about how you’ll cope post surgery with your medical team?
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Rose76
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#42
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It is hard for someone living alone with nearest family 2000 miles away. For years my life revolved around caring for my boyfriend who needed total nursing care. I was unable to pursue social connections or try to find and nurture friendships. I don't really matter to anyone. My sisters are caring, but they both are dealing with a lot themselves. I always knew that, if I lost good health, I'ld have pretty much nothing left. I'm 69, living on a small income. I don't mind the lack of material riches. Materially, I felt I had everything I really needed and then some. I could budget to travel to visit my relatives. I enjoy reading for hours every day. My car is reliable. I could get up and go where I liked. I thought of getting a dog. Now I can't fully care for myself, nevermind a dog. I'm being very honest about the reality of what I have been living and what I face. It's a lot of emptiness - mainly not being a real member of a family. My boyfriend had 3 adult children. They're far away and never took any interest in me . . . not much more in him either. My primary wants me to go to a nursing home for 10 days. I wouldn't qualify for that and it wouldn't solve anything. I can sit in a chair at home just as good. At age 17, I started working in nursing homes and continued for decades, eventually as a nurse. I saw how awful it is to not be fully independent. I saw how awful sickness is . . . especially for loners. I saw my boyfriend go thru major surgeries. He was a trooper, but he had me every step of the way. I don't want to be cut up and hobble around afterwards in pain. I don't want needles and I/Vs and a hunk of my insides cut out. If I do nothing, maybe this sickness will just take me and release my soul. |
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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
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#43
(((Rose))) I hear you, but 69 is not very old, I hope you can get through this awful health issue. You are a smart and wise woman and I have appreciated many of your posts here - I think you have much to give.
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Rose76
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Rose76
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#44
One wanted to come out in May when I was hospitalized with a gut infection. I said no. I'm so glad I did because then she got diagnosed with cancer and is in treatment. My other sister has heavy family responsibilities.
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Rose76
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#45
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Rose76
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#46
Like I've said, my relatives are way far away. In May I was in the hospital awfully sick with infection and sepsis. My 2 adult nieces never sent me a get well message on Facebook. One of them I was really surprised at. I helped her out in the past. I paid a big fine for her one day, so she wouldn't have to go to jail on that very day. I wired her the money. When I was working I sent nice gifts. She had surgery last year, and I sent lots of caring messages through Face book. She's on her laptop constantly, always checking facebook. I would often exchange messages with her. Then, when I'm in the hospital, not even one: "Hope u feel better, Auntie." It would have taken her 5 seconds.
When you don't have a spouse and children of your own, you're very alone in this world. Sometimes, a person like that, if they have some wealth, will receive attention from nieces and nephews. If I owned a nice home - with no child of my own to leave it to - those nieces would stay in touch. That's just how human nature is. It's just a fact of life. I didn't take the risk of having children and doing all the hard work of raising them, so I don't get the returns of having made that investment. I didn't help care for grandchildren. Having a family is a very great deal of work. I escaped all of that. You reap what you sow. If I'ld stayed back there where I'm from, I could have been more involved with my relatives. I always knew moving far away would exact a price. Well, I guess that's enough lamentation out of me. |
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Deejay14
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#47
Rose when do you think you could go home. Is there a bleed somewhere?? Do they have PACE (program of all inclusive care for elders). A case manager at the hospital told me about the program and I was able to qualify. It pays for just about everything, you have 24 hour access to doctors or nurse practioners. The program has been a godsend to my husband and me.
__________________ True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience and learn.~Richard Carlson |
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Rose76
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#48
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Discombobulated, unaluna
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#49
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Rose76
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#50
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I may have overdone it in making myself sound helpless. Right now I am acutely ill with a condition that has me very weak. If this anemia can be turned around, I'm a perfectly capable woman, with nothing else much wrong with me. As recently as April, I could have hired myself out as a caregiver to an elder incapable of self-care. Just 2 years ago, I was completely caring for my invalid boyfriend who was dying of cancer and had dementia. He couldn't shower or shave himself. He couldn't get himself in and out of bed. I did all that. My capabilities hadn't changed much, until I got this anemia that got worse at an accelerating pace. For a good while, iron infusions were effective. Now, even bags of red blood cells can't keep up with it. Nursing homes can't care for this condition. |
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Deejay14
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#51
Rode I was told to apply and the pace people will make the magic happen. I am not currently N H material but they are great advocates for their patients. Think about you on your worst day. What can you do.. Its worth the try and you will get support. Here when I need Togo to the hosp they call and page the way so I am not sent home.
__________________ True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience and learn.~Richard Carlson |
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Rose76
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#52
Quote:
I thought their main thing was daycare for elders with dementia. |
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Grand Magnate
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#53
If the surgery can stop the bleeding, you have a lot of time left for making social connections. It will hurt for a week or two, but without anemia you will have your energy back and probably feel less depressed. I hope they are taking good care of you in the hospital this time.
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Discombobulated, Rose76
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Rose76, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#54
Quote:
But this is good info for me, as i am also aged and alone, and would like to remain living where i am. |
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Rose76
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divine1966
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#55
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It’s good to know about all options |
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Rose76, unaluna
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Poohbah
Deejay14
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#56
Rose, how are you today?Are you still at the hospital?
__________________ True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience and learn.~Richard Carlson |
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Rose76
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Rose76
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Rose76
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#57
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The nurses on this unit have been very good to me. They are smart and caring. I just got another unit of blood. I should go home tomorrow. Then I see a surgeon on Thurs. |
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Rose76
Treading water.
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
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#58
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Discombobulated, FloatThruThis
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Grand Magnate
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#59
@Rose76 I hope you are okay. I'm worried about you.
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Discombobulated, Rose76
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Discombobulated, Rose76
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Grand Magnate
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#60
I’m thinking about you too @Rose76 and hope you’re okay?
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