Why Do Kids As Young As Elementary School Call Each Other Gay.

Hi, ]
I'm a Mom of 2 girls 7 & 11 and I hate the way young kids at their school tease each other with words like you're gay, lesbian or fag. Is it because as parents some don't teach their children that it's wrong?? My brother was also gay(now passed) so this is a particular pet peeve for me.
I feel this is the biggest prejudice left in our society today. I mean you never hear someone say "you're HETEROSEXUAL". I remember the first time my daughter got told by a boy down the street "you're gay"! She was is grade 2 at the time and I thought for a second, is she old enough to talk about this. I was so frustrated that this nasty boy put me is the position of whether to explain or not. So I sat her down and explain that some people are like mommy and daddy who love each other and some people like 2 men or 2 women love each other the same way and that means they are quote "gay". Then I told her that kids like him use those words to make others feel bad and that she should never do the same.
Everyday my girls say they hear someone's called those names and I know it's like that every where. I wish there was a way to stop it.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ (((((((( HUGS )))))))

If you can try and disconnect the words these kids are using with that of your brother and his life (may he R.I.P) I think you might be able to find some inner peace as I feel that todays kids seem to use these derogatory words as we used the word "hate" in the old days.... with out the true meaning and force of the word.

Thanks Rhapsody for your kinds words and it's a good way to think about. I just wish some kids weren't so mean. Thanks again.

It's very irritating, but "gay" seems to be the new buzz word for something stupid or that they don't like. It drives me up a wall! When they say it, they don't realize that it's offensive. Even my son (who is gay) will say "oh that's so gay" when something happens he doesn't like. It seems to have a different meaning to them.

Well, when we were kids we used to call something retarded instead of gay. (That's no better, maybe even worse) heck, I used to be called a lesbian in kindergarten. Kids say things without thinking all of the time. I'm not saying it right... in fact it's very wrong that kids do these things but I don't know how much that can actually be done considering how much peer pressure there is... I think parents can underestimate it's power (or overestimate their own) sometimes, for kids, this stuff is considered "normal" and during an age where you are longing for acceptance from your peers, kids generally don't like taking chances straying from the norm. (especially if they aren't very empathetic yet)

Hi AAAAA,
you made a good point and I think you're right. Even my daughter has been called Fag. It's just so frustrating because if I have taught my daughters not to say it then, why can't other parents or maybe they do and don't have control. Thanks for sharing.

Well Lynn, it does seem to be a world wide thing as it is very common in the UK also, but I don't think young children really understand the meaning of the word. I know fairly young people that use the word 'gay' a lot but not as a real insult. It's a one syllable word that is easy for a child to use and feel clever about using it. I personally don't feel it's really used in the malicious sense and can certainly think of worse words that could be used.

I can see though how this is upsetting for you in particular and you can insist that your own children do not use such language. Unfortunately children today seem to be growing up much too fast.

Pegasus,
thanks for sharing your view and I agree that unfortunately it's a worldwide thing. I think you're right that it's not used to symbolize hatred to actually the gay community but rather a broad spectrum hate word. I wonder how the gay community feels about this topic. Thanks again.

Monkey see, monkey do. Or in this case, monkey hear...

We had a very long conversation about what is appropriate. I read somewhere that words that our parents thought were unthinkable to say in mixed company (I never heard my father say anything worse than **** or damn although my brother and husband assure me that these other words were in his vocabulary) have been so used in today's society that our youth have become desensitized to them and I believe this to be true. My son brought up some good points, the power words have to offend us remains with the person being offended being one of them (provided of course that there is no offense intended). I countered with the typical parental comeback, just don't do it because I don't like it. Many words that some people don't mind I just don't like such as stupid. I hate the word stupid.

Thanks AAAAA,
I agree I really think society has changed for the worse. When I went to school(long time ago LOL) there was never name calling or swearing, particularly in elementry school - but there was also the strap in the principals office. I'm not advocating bringing back the strap - but there is such a lack of respect. Here in Cananda they even have anti-bullying programs that talks about verbal bullying. I just wish the meanness would stop. When I was in school I remeber my mom told me 'treat others as you wish to be treated, so I never picked on anyone. Take care.

Lynn, I know what you mean!! Children hear it from older children, I'd say. My son is 14 and we are a very socially conscious house. I am a Mental Health advocate so you can imagine that intolerance of any sort is not a done thing in our house.

He referred to things as being "gay", "homo", "retarded" and other meaningless drivel. I tried to explain the unquantifiable ramifications of speaking like that.......he would improve and then it would be back. 2 weeks ago I said " babe, if you say those words in this house one more time, i am going to ban you from the TV. I have tried to explain why you do not say these words. Would you run around and say the "N" word? No, this is NO different. One day you are going to say it in front of the wrong person and they are going to retaliate in a BIG way. Not only that but it HURTS!!"

Everyones opinions on certain issues are different and I have no problem with my son having one, but do not be uneducated about it. Slander is slander no matter how you look at it.......he is really good with my friends who are mentally ill and has tolerated me being in a psych unit, even though he was not directly exposed. So his bad language does not necessarily reflect his compassion and understanding.........complex creatures teenagers....

It shall pass.......sometimes with hard measures!!

From my experience when using the word 'gay' as an insult, it's not actually used in the sense of being an actual gay person is bad. It's like the word has a total other meaning. I would say the definition of gay when used insultingly is like a rubbish person or thing, but has nothing to do with actually being gay or relating to gay people being bad. It doesn't make it ok, because people shouldn't have to take it that way, and it in everyday language it is not an insulting word.

I hope that makes sense. I'm not trying to justify it, but the way I know some people think of the word as having another meaning, just the same way as it means something happy.

But I know some people also use it in the sense of actually being gay as an insult, that I cannot figure out.

Thanks Anna,
it does make sense what you said. I hope one day will come when it's considered so shameful, equal to the 'N' word because hardly anyone would dare say that word.

Thanks to everyone who replied so far and your opiinions make alot of sense. I'll try not to let it bother me like it did before.

Kids that young probably don't realize what the word may really mean but rather they hear it used over and over especially for certain situations, such as when someone does something stupid, therefore, it must mean someone is stupid. That's probably the line of thinking that's going on. They don't realize that "gay" doesn't mean stupid but rather it means happy, homosexuality, etc... .

Also, when a kid is insulted with such a word they don't like it as that can separate them from the crowd. So to be part of the crowd, then they can say it and be no longer seen as an outcast.

But one major reason despite the first two outlined is that nobody is there to tell them otherwise. If you as the parent don't tell them otherwise, then how are they to know when nobody else corrects them? However, if you do tell them otherwise yet the other kids aren't told, then they're stuck at a fork: either they obey you at school possibly leading to being an outcast or they disobey and don't risk being an outcast. If they do obey, then they may tell the others what you have told them, which is going against the popular view. As there usually is one or more dominant kids, then your kid would have to confront the dominant one(s).

However, there is now one problem to you telling the kid otherwise: what does the teacher do? If the teacher does not scold the kid, then to the kid, it must be corre... but wait... now you're saying something completely different.... who is correct? Do you tell the kid that the teacher is wrong or what do you do? Remember, kids that young don't have the same capacity of reasoning and understanding as we do, so what is told to them tends to be more factual or something that they'd have to obey rather than seeing that it is open to reason. So if you tell the kid that the teacher is wrong, then does that also apply for other things that the teacher says or does? To us it's obvious that it doesn't but to the kid, is it also as obvious? Absolutely not.

The following is a paraphrase of a conversation I had with my son about this yesterday.

What I find ironic is that we are taking a single word: gay, and deciding whether it is offensive. Someone somewhere took the word gay meaning happy and its meaning was changed to slang for homosexual. The widely accepted meaning of the word changed again and the slang now means stupid or strange.

My point is that we are deciding that this has some type of negative meaning regarding homosexuals when the majority of the time one has nothing to do with the other.

I think you might have something there AAAAA with that statement, that the word gay may have a different meaning than calling someone homosexual. It's a very smart observation. Thanks!

I wish I could take credit for it. That is his opinion, I still don't like it. I'd like to say the reason I take their opinion into concideration is because I'm an awesome parent, but the truth is they're very smart people and have incredible insight.