[rshudson]

i really need some help!! i have a 2 1/2 year daughter. she is my life and i love her more than anything else in the world. she is extremely advanced for a 2 1/2 year old. very smart. but she is having MAJOR behavior problems. i know most people think it is the terrible 2's until they actually see it. she gets so mad about every little thing-- and when it starts, it will last up to an hour and half. screaming, crying, hitting, biting, hurting herself. it just scares me so bad. like tonight, i made her hot dogs. when i started cutting them up, she kept saying "put it back together". and when i told her no, she went off. the plate was at the edge of the counter, she pulled the plate off the counter, i picked it all up and threw it in the garbage, well she wanted THAT hot dog-- she stood at the garbage can screaming "i want that one" and would not stop. i spanked her bottom, popped her hand, ignoring her, and attempted to put her in time out, but she took off right back to the garbage. i finally put it on the dryer and she stayed at the dryer trying to pull herself up and kicking the mess out of it. i called my sis about 45 mins later, she came over and she finally calmed down. my sis saw this for the time the other day. my mother and my co-worker also saw it. they just don't think it is the terrible 2's. i mean, she will be fine one minute and then she will snap.

we have both been through a lot within the last year. last june her father and i divorced after a 6 year marriage. we had to live with my co-worker for a week and then moved into some apartments. he works on the oil rig so he is gone for 2 weeks at a time. it was originally every other weekend, and one night during the week that he got her, but now, he only gets her the two weekends that he is home. so she dont get to see him as much. i dont know if this has anything to do with it or not. surely not, because up until the last month, she had only pitched his kind of fit 3 times. but in the last month, she does it at least twice a week. i just cant handle doing this all the time. i work full time, go pick her up from daycare, and have to deal with this.

my sis and mother recommended her seeing a physhciatrist. but a 2 year old seeing a physhciatrist?? is she too young? no one in my family has ever been to a psychiatrist. it just scares me so bad. i am thinking about going to her doctor and just talking to her about it-- not even bring my daughter so i can actually talk to her. what do i do? any suggestions-- please help

[Rhapsody]

No - she is not to young to see a child psychologist...... as these doctors deal with children in a different manner than they do with adults - they perform counseling with play, talk, dolls, painting, drawing etc...... plus they are able to help the parent better understand what their child id going thru and why..... plus as a child psychologists they can help educate you in ways that will help child at home - in between sessions.

[gimmeice]

She should probably see a child psychologist to at least be evaluated. I hope you find something that works well for both of you, good luck.

I think you are trying too many different things you are ignoring her you are smacking her bum and her hand you are giving her time out .....

After all she is only two ! Try one thing and stick to it, ie ignoring the bad praising the good, it will take a day or two but you will see a difference.

Everytime she does one thing good tell her what a good girl she is ! Wow that is fantastic thank you ! Well done ! And if she is naughty totaly ignore it .....

Try it you will be amazed.

[youOme]

I wouldn't say that she is to young. If you want to understand your child that is one thing then your child understanding herself and that is what therapy and treatment is all about. I can understand what you're going through very well actually. I have taken a 2 year old into my home, my nephew, and this child has some hardcore fits.....like none I have never seen and I have a 3 and 4 year olds of my own too. He's acts sort of similar but is not nearly as advanced as your daughter sounds. he can't communicate as well, so it's a bit hard.

My son snaps like that too. I asked him if he liked the puppet show he saw in preschool yesterday and he screamed "the puppet show is over!!!" I was like daaaaang, I won't ask again...jeesh.

Babies that age can't express themselves like we can, maybe she has feelings she's not able to comprehend and she feels angry or frustrated.

Another thing (when people say this to me it makes me bitter) is reinforcement. You have to consistently reinforce her behavior, while explaining verbally, over and over and over till it ceases. Even a good bare butt whooping with the hand is effective when all else fails. I've been practicing the time outs and whoopins on my nephew for a little while now and he is improving! I mean, it's a miracle what a little bit of reinforcement does. Just be sure to praise equally or more, I have to remind myself to do that sometimes.

I hope it gets better for you, I know how frustrating it can be.

[magasanguis]

In my opinion, kids at that age, with their still-developing brains, can benefit so much more from behavior therapy than from chemicals. That way they truly learn right behavior from wrong behavior, rather than stifling any hard-to-deal-with emotions.

Child psychiatry is very risky business nowadays. It's hard to find the right balance of medications for growing bodies, plus many psychiatric drugs are still very mysterious.

I definitely wouldn't jump into seeing a psychiatrist about your child's issues. But it's clear you need help. I'd suggest seeing a behavioral psychologist (quite different from a child psychiatrist).

I agree with Tishie as well. With kids that young, inconsistency can be frustrating and confusing. There are resources out there, like books or web sites, that can help you figure out ways to effectively discipline your child.

Super Nanny is a show I watch often, and they've come up with a very effective technique. While this isn't the whole of the technique, an integral part of the discipline is placing the child in a specific "naughty spot," and making sure they STAY there. The first time you place them down, you get down to their level and explain exactly why they're there, in a calm, low voice. They will be inclined to get up and run away, so the second time, you simply carry the child back. During these repeated times of carrying them back, it's important that you NOT say anything, and NOT buy into the fit.

Here is a good article from their site about reducing tantrum likelihood.

Let me know how everything goes!

How is her behaviour while she is at daycare?
If she is having behavioural problems there, what are the consequences for her?
Personally, I would be very reluctant to take a 2 year old to a psychiatrist.
After working with preschool children in preschool, daycare etc for 20 years, I can tell you , there are some very stubborn kids out there.
The key is firm and consistant disipline for unacceptable behaviour. And yes, supernanny is great!!!
Good luck, remember, theres always challenging times with children, and 2 years olds are challenging!!!!

[(JD)]

A physiatrist is a physical therapy based doctor.

Psychiatrist is what you are talking about? Surely, why not? Unless you can find a psychologist who is trained in play therapy, then a psychiatrist who is will do!

Since she is advanced for her age she may be experiencing frustrations that you wouldn't imagine for her age. Play therapy can get her to express herself now, and also help her learn how to better express herself so she doesn't stay frustrated as she grows older.

I'm sure the MD will keep you abreast of the therapy, and work you into it too.

[Razzleberry]

I would suggest a child or family psychologist, not psychiatrist. And it would not hurt to go just to one appointment to get an evaluation, even if to simply reassure you that this is normal, albeit awful, 2-year-old-behavior.

I think the recent divorce and moving could be part of it. Did you also change daycares? Has she had a change in caregivers at daycare?

Try to be consistent with discipline. And maybe instead of smacking her bum, just give her a time out - somewhere away from distractions where she can just "chill out" for a few minutes. Ignore her completely while she's in time out. Sometimes that can help diffuse the situation.

And yes - try positive reinforcement too. When she sits politely or stays quiet or does what you ask, say "thank you" or "good job" or "that's a big girl" all the time. Positive reinforcement is often a lot better than discipline.

[embarassed]

Is it psychiatrists who do play therapy or psychologists? I thought it was psychologists. Do they both do it?

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
I'd recommend a psychologist over a psychiatrist as well. Most psychiatrists these days do not practice any form of therapy except drug therapy.

[AAAAA]

It sounds like you've both been dealing with a lot. Children that age sometimes have trouble expressing their anger or unhappiness in any other way than acting up. But, if you let her get away with it now, she'll learn that whenever she doesn't get exactly what she wants, to throw a fit. When she throws a fit, tell her that mommy doesn't understand while she's screaming. And give her no other reaction.

I would talk to her ped. before seeking a therapist, I know that they're out there, but usually it's for extreme cases, children that have been abused etc. My friends son used to hold his breath when he'd get mad until he passed out. She was in a panic, what should she do, doc said let him do it. The more you reward the negative behavior with attention, the more negative behavior you'll get. Took a few months, but he did stop, he's currently 25 and working on a master's in psych.

[Peanuts]

I agree with others recommendation to seek out a child psychologist for an evaluation. She may need some enrichment opportunities as it sounds as though she is advanced for her age. She may be gifted - which doesn't mean that her behavior is mature at all.

A psychologist could offer strategies that would help you help her to calm down and regulate her emotions.

My son was also very intense .. very inflexible, anger outbursts etc. We eventually learned that he had sensory integration dysfunction, non-verbal learning disability, dyslexia, and was delayed learning to read. We learned how to parent him differently and got him started on occupational therapy, got him enrolled in the public school's early intervention program, plus worked with a pediatric psychologist who specialized working with children with learning differences.

Meeting with a professional let us understand that we were not terrible parents and that we did not cause his issues - it was a big relief to say the least. But more importantly, we learned more effective parenting methods that worked for him. That was over ten years ago and I can tell you that my son is doing great. People who meet him don't think for a minute that he ever had behavior issues when he was a toddler, preschooler, elementary school student.

Early intervention is always a win-win situation. She is not too young to be evaluated. Your pediatrician should be able to refer you.

Hang in there -

[Doh2007]

Has anyone noticed that the originator of this thread hasn't been back since starting this thread?

[Peanuts]

Perhaps they got the info they needed and will not be back at all. Or maybe they will stop back at another time. Or maybe life just got complicated and they have a mess to deal with. Unknown.

[rainbow62]

Hi there,

Your situation with your child is alot like what we've been through. Violence and all.

We started out with a Developmental Pediatrician who then referred our son to a Child Psychologist. That worked for us because they both followed through together----Pediatrician would prescribe the medication and the Psychologist would do the therapy.

Every country, state or even city could be different so hopefully you find a good doctor who will refer your daughter out appropriately. When I started out, I made a graph chart for ALL behaviors/moods/triggers. This showed that there were no rhyme or reason and anything happened at any given time.

Journals are great too. Maybe you can tell a cycle....do the behaviors happen at specific time, are there regular triggers, etc. I logged everything from eating habits to toileting and sleep patterns to types of behaviors and I still look at them today to see how far he's come along.

Good luck and don't worry, sometimes with maturity it does lessen. Oh and I also am careful about food additives like red and orange dyes in drinks....I found that my son also triggers from artificial sweeteners so I stay away from "sugar-free" anything and try to give him fresh fruits/veggies. Behaviors for my son went down maybe 10-15% after I deleted alot of junk foods and the rest of the behaviors are controlled with meds and therapy.

[TChamby]

Originally Posted by rshudson

i really need some help!! i have a 2 1/2 year daughter. she is my life and i love her more than anything else in the world. she is extremely advanced for a 2 1/2 year old. very smart. but she is having MAJOR behavior problems. i know most people think it is the terrible 2's until they actually see it. she gets so mad about every little thing-- and when it starts, it will last up to an hour and half. screaming, crying, hitting, biting, hurting herself. it just scares me so bad. like tonight, i made her hot dogs. when i started cutting them up, she kept saying "put it back together". and when i told her no, she went off. the plate was at the edge of the counter, she pulled the plate off the counter, i picked it all up and threw it in the garbage, well she wanted THAT hot dog-- she stood at the garbage can screaming "i want that one" and would not stop. i spanked her bottom, popped her hand, ignoring her, and attempted to put her in time out, but she took off right back to the garbage. i finally put it on the dryer and she stayed at the dryer trying to pull herself up and kicking the mess out of it. i called my sis about 45 mins later, she came over and she finally calmed down. my sis saw this for the time the other day. my mother and my co-worker also saw it. they just don't think it is the terrible 2's. i mean, she will be fine one minute and then she will snap.

we have both been through a lot within the last year. last june her father and i divorced after a 6 year marriage. we had to live with my co-worker for a week and then moved into some apartments. he works on the oil rig so he is gone for 2 weeks at a time. it was originally every other weekend, and one night during the week that he got her, but now, he only gets her the two weekends that he is home. so she dont get to see him as much. i dont know if this has anything to do with it or not. surely not, because up until the last month, she had only pitched his kind of fit 3 times. but in the last month, she does it at least twice a week. i just cant handle doing this all the time. i work full time, go pick her up from daycare, and have to deal with this.

my sis and mother recommended her seeing a physhciatrist. but a 2 year old seeing a physhciatrist?? is she too young? no one in my family has ever been to a psychiatrist. it just scares me so bad. i am thinking about going to her doctor and just talking to her about it-- not even bring my daughter so i can actually talk to her. what do i do? any suggestions-- please help

I just joined this forum and found this thread- I realize it's been over a year since you began this thread, but I am desperate for someone else to talk to who has walked in similiar shoes as I have. My son is 7- he was diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder when he was 3. This came after 2 Pshycologists, a Phsychiatrist, and finally a Neurologist. A yr and a half ago I voluntarily gave custody to his father- the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. My safety was definitely in question; my son and his older brother's relationship was destroyed; I was so tired after struggles every night that I was emotionally unavailable to my older son. I see my child every other weekend and Thursdays during the school year. I have him right now for the month of July and it's as if he never left- I fear for his future in society, and I still fear for my safety. He has pulled a buck-knife on me in the past, and just last night he was saying he "wish (he) had a steak knife so he could stab me in the neck".

Please, if you are out there or if anyone else is, that can offer any advice, experience, or words of wisdom.... I am open and would be grateful.

TChamby