feel like a horrible failure of a parent

It really bites. I am supposed to be able to help my kids. I have been trying to help my son with reading and I can't. I get so frusterated that he is so distracted and won't try that my head hurts and I want to cry. I can't get him to do it. I sit there to help him and when he won't do anything I don't know what to do. I'm lost. Gosh what a sucky parent I am. I can't even stay calm to help with something so important. He is so unlucky that he got me as a parent hed probably be better off if he had someone a ltl more patient. Oh it makes my head hurt and I can't breath and there isn't anything I can do to help.

((hugs bridgie)) Parenting can make us seem useless, or awful many times.. but we have to remember, we are our children's world.
If it helps you any, I didn't have the patience to teach my eldest 2 to read.. I think I was causing more harm than help, I left it to the school to fill in where I couldn't. I really just couldn't help them without getting frustrated.
If he's not interested, try finding something he is interested in.. try labelling things around the house, so he sees the words and can put it with the object (fridge, mirror, wall, etc)
Try not to be so hard on yourself.. you are doing the best you can, and the best you can, is all that matters
((((HUGE HUG))))
Sorry about your head.. I hope it feels better soon...

I was locked in that power struggle with one of my kids too. Now he's 11 and reads just fine. Back when he was learning, I knew that he knew more than he would let on, and I got so frustrated when he claimed that he couldn't. Especially when he would show off the things I couldn't get him to try for other people, like Grandma. Sometimes you just have to get out of the power struggle, make reading (or whatever else) attractive, and let it be their choice.

My son liked this online program he could do mostly by himself: http://www.starfall.com/

How old is your son? I got my kids interested by explaining to them that a book is much better than a movie or TV show. YOU get to imagine the setting, the book is always there for you when you want it. It helps to find a topic he's interested in. Try bringing him to the library, get him his own card, and chose books he finds interesting. There are many many many age/level appropriate books available. Start by reading to him, then say, I'm tired, you try a page. Most public libraries are now like a community library, you can check the availability of a book online, if it is not at your local library you can "order" it online and it will be there in a couple of days.

Check out this site or other's like it for suggestions. We're not all academic teachers, we're not all trained to help our child in this manner. When school starts, approach his teacher or the chapter 1 reading teacher for suggestions.

http://www.earlylearning.org/blog/ar...ild-interested

When my twins were in the third grade they had to write a book report every week. Instead of trying to force them to read something they really weren't interested it I took them to all of the bookstores in the area so they could find something they were interested in. Barnes and Noble is their favorite store to this day. My older twin discovered his love for Junie B. Jones, and the younger loved the Magic Treehouse series. Their teacher (I use the term loosely) put up a stink, she didn't feel Junie B. was "age appropiate". I approached the principal with a printout from Stanford stating that it was actually above their level and reminded him their goal was to get them interested in reading.

Reading is one of my passions, my older two did not share this passion. I had to accept they would read what they wanted. My eldest prefers these books that are like comics. He's reading so I can't complain.

I think you received great suggestions so far. How old is your son? First thing you should do is relax - if you feel frusrated then it means you should take a break. Every child learns at their own pace and eventually it will just 'click'. I think it's silly the way you see these info-mercials claiming you can teach your child to read at 2 yrs. of age. For my girls I started out making sure they knew what sounds the alphebet letters made and then I got them the first level books - the kind that comes in a set, with coinciding pictures. Also once my girls started grade one, each week the teacher would send home a list of words, so by year end they were expected to know them. all I agree it should be a book that he loves and for a beginner. If you get one that's too advanced then it will be frustrating. Also the other post mentioned when you're going out ask him what the signs say. You know what's funny is both my girls read there first book alone with thr Dr. Suess book called Green Eggs and Ham. It will happen, don't worry.

Thank u all so much for your suggestions and information. My son is 8 years old and knows quite a bit. He reads these hard words then messes up the simple words like you. I got him some choose your own adventure books to read together. And he has enjoyed a few magic tree house. I think I feel worse because I actually work with books and love them and I can't help him with something as important as this.

Have you seen these books:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Read-Me-Il.../dp/0316363502

You Read to Me; I'll Read to You. They are fun stories written to be performed as a duet. I've used these with teenagers, and they have been well-received.

Bridgie, please take note:

I have a wonderful well-adjusted honor-roll sophmore son who would rather read a book than watch a movie or play video games. He didn't learn this from me. There were some things he let me teach him but I did not push reading on him at an early age. Many parents were making their three and four year olds learn to read but I was more interested in him learning social skills at that age. I figured the academic learning would naturally come later.

And it did. Ever since he entered school, he would rather figure things out for himself than have me help him with his learning. Don't know why, because I was a licensed teacher. It was the fact that I was his mother. Kinda like having a husband or wife teach their spouse how to drive? Never works. He wouldn't let me show him how to ride his bicycle either. He did it by himself. He fell off twice, and the third time flew away.

Occasionally, he would ask me to help him with something but, truthfully, it was only when he wanted answers to things that he didn't really care about (like grammar) and really didn't care about how to find the answer, he just wanted the answer! And, to be honest, it was his half-sister and her husband who taught him to love reading. His sister reads ALL the time and her husband is an English teacher at his high school. His reading didn't get really strong until 7th grade.

I also play guitar. But not the kind of guitar he wanted to play. So, we paid for him to take lessons. I was disappointed because he never learned to read guitar music (as in notes on a scale) like I did so he had me buy him some books and he taught himself how to read guitar music.

I wouldn't stress so much about this. He's only 8 and things can change a lot. I had trouble reading during part of my schooling (it was the teaching method they used) and I have a high IQ. I feel like I never really learned to read for content really well until college. It sounds like you are doing lots of things for him so give yourself a break, it will happen soon enough.

I think I wldnt be so overwhelmed by this situation normally. But his school is constatnly telling me he needs to read more and better he's not up to their standards. Get him a tutor over summer (sorry can't afford one) I heard that all school year and now tha the new year is almost starting I'm sorta freaking out. It makes me feel so bad.

{{{{{{{{{Bridgie}}}}}}}}

I wish you didn't have to stress out so much about this. You might try asking your son how he feels about it. Ask him what he thinks would be a good plan to help him read better (meaning read more). If you let him design a solution and express confidence in his ability to improve, he just might.

To be honest with you, the school told me the exact same thing about my son at that age, too. I did do what AAAAA suggested and took him to the book store and you know what he picked? CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!!! So I made a deal with him. I would buy him one Captain Underpants book if we would also read one from the approved reading list. So, he went for it. He could bring a book home from school and when he had read it all and written his report, then we would go get the one he wanted from the bookstore. I could hardly see the comparison but it made him read so what the heck. He really didn't start having to read a lot until fourth grade, age 10, I think. He simply decided it was just something he had to improve on.

Some people might think I was a bad parent because my philosophy was to let the child motivate themselves. My son always knew school was his "job" and I have never had to make him do homework. But, I also took what the school said with a grain of salt. If you allow them to create a lot of anxiety in the student and the parent, that makes learning a negative experience and you lay the groundwork for failure. How do YOU think he is doing? Do you think THEIR standards are reasonable? There were some instances when I thought my son was doing fine but the "standards" disagreed.

I'm not sure where you live, but some communities have "Reading Is Fun" programs (RIF) which meet after school. I wonder if yours does. If not, why not start one. Maybe some of the other parents of children who need more reading practice might be interested in helping. Maybe you could get the local library to participate.

Take care.

Are you in the US bridgie?

Yes I am in us

Be very proactive then when it comes to school. If he's tested and requires Chapter reading the school gets extra money from the federal government to cover the cost of his education.

Sometime between my oldest two and youngest two, a change developed in the public school system. I'm all for active parental participation, but it became quite ridiculous. My kids were doing homework from the minute they got home from school, an hour off for dinner, and continued homework until bedtime. My kids were some of the lucky ones, it took my kids less than five minutes to get home from school. Others were on the bus to and from school for an hour. I would sign each uncompleted piece of homework with "doing homework from 3:30 - 9:30, no more time." Weekends really sucked, that's when they'd have to read an entire book for the book report due the next Friday and finish anything that they didn't have time for during the week.

We had a wedding to attend one weekend away from home and were unable to do 14 hours worth of homework that weekend and the teacher actually complained and kept them in for recess that Monday to complete some of the work. That was the straw that broke the camels back.

I threw an absolute fit. All the parents and teacher from the third grade classes, along with the principals, superintendent, and a representative from the county school board were at a meeting discussing the new state tests and witnessed my meltdown. I told them from now on they would do 3 hours of homework a night, during the weekend they had to put in 4 hours total, PERIOD. Furthermore, I let them know I was absolutely fed up with hearing about their state testing (they actually wanted them to do a million things in addition to the homework so the kids would test well) and if this homework nonsense was not immediately addressed I would refuse them permission to test my kids entirely. The majority of the parents in the room asked "can we do that?" I replied that they absolutely could and since they had to hit a minimum participation level to qualify, they need our participation.

Make an appointment to talk to your child's teacher for suggestions. Often they have programs to help struggling students particularly in reading and math, but they aren't common knowledge. If you don't get the help you need, move up the ladder. These people are there to help you whether they want to or not, and the squeeky wheel gets the grease. Let them know that you do not feel qualified to give your son the extra help he needs and that you do not have the money to hire a tutor. Find out who to contact above your local school staff, such as the county school board or state school board.

If you're still not getting the help you need in a reasonable amount of time, send an email to your state representatives including the govenor, each one of them has and educational advisor.

Vickie, self-motivated learning is the best kind. Don't you enjoy learning more when you want to learn something? That's a philosophy I wish all teachers would embrace.

Some children don't get into reading until there is something they want to learn, or want to read, and they need to learn to read in order to do it.

Come to think of it, my son started caring about reading when he wanted to play Pokeman and understand the written story and instructions in the game. My oldest daughter learned to type playing World of Warcraft, and my middle one from IMing with her friends.