Help!

How in the world do you discipline a 15 month old?

I don't like to spank/hand slap, but will do it if it is extreme situation - like if he reaches for the stove or runs into the road he will get a spank - just one, enough to scare. But i dont want to use that for every small thing as that doesnt feel right to me.

Can you ladies and gents assist me with some ideas and whatnot? Hes not talking yet much so i dont know how much he understands.. i dont think a time out would work yet?

Will type a bit more later however for now I would use the word NO nice and firm and remove him from whatever he is doing that you dont want him to, it will be long and boring but keep it up consistantly for a few days and he will get the message its a bit like training a puppy.....

[lynn P.]

Hi,
I agree with Tishie. Since they're all over th place at this age, it's also good to baby proof your house to avoid him get himself in the tough situations to begin with. Even though he's not talking much, he probably understands alot more than you think. So try to explain things to him after you've told him a firm NO. Also try to keep him busy and happy(with snacks/naps). If kids aren't getting enough good attention, then they'll look for any bad attention.
Try not to give into spanking at all, because I don't believe they learn anything but fear from that. Get some good books on positive parenting. I remember that age very well when my 2 girls were young - they really keep you on your toes. Best of luck with your little guy.

Originally Posted by Tishie

Will type a bit more later however for now I would use the word NO nice and firm and remove him from whatever he is doing that you dont want him to, it will be long and boring but keep it up consistantly for a few days and he will get the message its a bit like training a puppy.....

Thanks honey!

Yes, he is VERY noise sensitive so just a slightly elevated NO is wroking right now. Depending on what it is I will remove him or continue to tell him no.

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Hi,
I agree with Tishie. Since they're all over th place at this age, it's also good to baby proof your house to avoid him get himself in the tough situations to begin with. Even though he's not talking much, he probably understands alot more than you think. So try to explain things to him after you've told him a firm NO. Also try to keep him busy and happy(with snacks/naps). If kids aren't getting enough good attention, then they'll look for any bad attention.
Try not to give into spanking at all, because I don't believe they learn anything but fear from that. Get some good books on positive parenting. I remember that age very well when my 2 girls were young - they really keep you on your toes. Best of luck with your little guy.

Thanks darling!

Yeah, the baby proofing has been done for the most part. The only thing I have to watch is my desk - not that anything would hurt HIM but he likes to pound my keyboard and mess with stuff on my desk haha. So we are working with 1-2-3 NO and that seems to be working. He is a very busy little guy, so no problems there. And its quite obvious when he is bored because when hes bored he whines alot.

He has his "bad" moments(i hate using that word in reference to babies - how about "mischeivious instead?) He will look right at me and do something he KNOWS he shouldnt do, all the while grinning at me. Thats when i break out the NO-1, No-2, and NO-3. I do try to avoid spanking if at all possible, because it doesnt feel right to me. And i do explain, always, even if i dont think he knows what the hell im talking about LOL. It cant hurt.

I saw a mom the other day at playgroup whose son hit another child, she promptly went over to him, slapped his hand, and said "no, we DONT HIT" and i thought well, isint that sort of silly? To tell a child we dont do something by doing it?

[thelionkinglives]

Rainbowzz
How in the world do you discipline a 15 month old?

I don't like to spank/hand slap, but will do it if it is extreme situation - like if he reaches for the stove or runs into the road he will get a spank - just one, enough to scare. But i dont want to use that for every small thing as that doesnt feel right to me.
I know spanking & hand slapping sucks...any parent shouldn't WANT to do it. But don't feel bad for these instances. At that age you can't reason in most situations as to why it isn't good, whatever "it" happens to be. So teaching them to have a little fear over a bad behaviour or situation isn't bad...I would offer this nugget...when you are in a position to feel that spanking is required...DO NOT smack him on the butt. Without meaning to it can hurt there spine. Even if it doesn't seem hard, spinal injuries can stick with ya for life.The safest spot is on the thigh just below the but...it's meaty & avoids the spine...

1. I would first go for re-direction & hopefully he will get distracted by something shiny...
2. Maybe try ignoring the act if it's not harmful so you don't unintentionally reenforce it by giving the act attention...
3. Taking something away that he likes that he will connect to the behaviour...
4. Yelling...the one thing all kids are scared of immediately from birth is loud noises. So it can startle enough to stop the behaviour. you don't want to over use yelling though because they can get quickly desensitized to it.
5. spanking

I feel if spanking is used in the proper context & is not over used but is used stern enough to leave an impression you will probably never need to do it again after the age of 6.
It's not much different than training a puppy. If you let a puppy run loose from birth, they know no boundaries. But if you immediately put them on a leash when they are young. After a few months the leash is no longer needed because the puppy has been programmed to not go beyond the length of the leash...
I don't know if the analogy makes sense...& I know this is a subject that will provide a whole host of view points...I know every child is different & unfortunately they don't come with a manuel...

I hope something I said helps...

LK

Originally Posted by thelionkinglives

Rainbowzz
How in the world do you discipline a 15 month old?

I don't like to spank/hand slap, but will do it if it is extreme situation - like if he reaches for the stove or runs into the road he will get a spank - just one, enough to scare. But i dont want to use that for every small thing as that doesnt feel right to me.
I know spanking & hand slapping sucks...any parent shouldn't WANT to do it. But don't feel bad for these instances. At that age you can't reason in most situations as to why it isn't good, whatever "it" happens to be. So teaching them to have a little fear over a bad behaviour or situation isn't bad...I would offer this nugget...when you are in a position to feel that spanking is required...DO NOT smack him on the butt. Without meaning to it can hurt there spine. Even if it doesn't seem hard, spinal injuries can stick with ya for life.The safest spot is on the thigh just below the but...it's meaty & avoids the spine...

1. I would first go for re-direction & hopefully he will get distracted by something shiny...
2. Maybe try ignoring the act if it's not harmful so you don't unintentionally reenforce it by giving the act attention...
3. Taking something away that he likes that he will connect to the behaviour...
4. Yelling...the one thing all kids are scared of immediately from birth is loud noises. So it can startle enough to stop the behaviour. you don't want to over use yelling though because they can get quickly desensitized to it.
5. spanking

I feel if spanking is used in the proper context & is not over used but is used stern enough to leave an impression you will probably never need to do it again after the age of 6.
It's not much different than training a puppy. If you let a puppy run loose from birth, they know no boundaries. But if you immediately put them on a leash when they are young. After a few months the leash is no longer needed because the puppy has been programmed to not go beyond the length of the leash...
I don't know if the analogy makes sense...& I know this is a subject that will provide a whole host of view points...I know every child is different & unfortunately they don't come with a manuel...

I hope something I said helps...

LK

I dont agree with shouting at all to be honest, I dont see how it helps apart from making them flinch from the noise.

Removing somthing they value also I dont feel will work not at the age we are talkig about.

The rest I feel is good advice.

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by Tishie

I dont agree with shouting at all to be honest, I dont see how it helps apart from making them flinch from the noise.

Removing somthing they value also I dont feel will work not at the age we are talkig about.

The rest I feel is good advice.

That's O.k. & after thinking about it a little longer it's not overly effective but can get the point accross on occassion...I just know what has worked with my 4 kids. If your consistant with creating the loud noise with a certain undesired action, they may learn to associate the undesired noise with whatever the undesired action is, thus avoiding it & not needing to resort to spanking....just another tool in the tool belt.

[GrayNess]

Children learn a lot by observational learning, so if you tell them not to do something but then you go out and do it anyways, then that leads to confusion. So, if the kid yells and you yell "NO, DON'T YELL", then you can see where the yelling falls flat on its face as a decent method.

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by GrayNess

Children learn a lot by observational learning, so if you tell them not to do something but then you go out and do it anyways, then that leads to confusion. So, if the kid yells and you yell "NO, DON'T YELL", then you can see where the yelling falls flat on its face as a decent method.

Obviously...if the undesired behaviour is yelling.

[AAAAA]

What specifically are you having trouble with bows? At 15 months a "no" followed by "yea!!" when the behavior changed were the most effective tools I had for my kids at that age.

I've been trying to think, time outs started around threeish. Once they were old enough to understand that they were being punished and why. A toddler whacking another kid with a toy is different than a three year old. They have to be able to remember that this behavior is not the right one and make a choice to do the bad one. Does this make sense? I'm having a bad grammar day.

[Sannah]

I think it is all about teaching, learning how you can affect their behaviors. There isn't any easy route. It's all about understanding them.

[lynn P.]

[quote=Rainbowzz;1024978]Thanks darling!

"He has his "bad" moments(i hate using that word in reference to babies - how about "mischeivious instead?) He will look right at me and do something he KNOWS he shouldnt do, all the while grinning at me."

I remember that stage - he's testing you and making a little develish game out of it. Being consistent is also important. Re-directing is best for that, when he goes to your desk. Maybe you can get him his own little play desk, with one of those baby laptop electronic gadgets and then tell him "this is mommies - don't touch and this is your desk"

"I saw a mom the other day at playgroup whose son hit another child, she promptly went over to him, slapped his hand, and said "no, we DONT HIT" and i thought well, isint that sort of silly? To tell a child we dont do something by doing wrong"

That is silly for that woman to do that -teaching a child not to hit by hitting him. I know it's a rollercoaster somes days and then they just melt you and you just love them to pieces. Best of luck

redirection redirection redirection than repeat...

[GrayNess]

Originally Posted by thelionkinglives

Obviously...if the undesired behaviour is yelling.

Well that was the idea of what I was getting at. But it's also meant to be a metaphor for if you want to kid to not do a certain behavior, then don't punish him/her by doing it or by giving him/her the impression that it's good due to how you interact with others.

Probably using some higher-pitched, happy voice of "yea", "yes", "yay", etc... for behaviors you want and a louder, firm, more angry voice of "no" for undesired ones (except for yelling).

[AAAAA]

I think facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice play an important as well. When my oldest was a baby my grandmother (twisted woman that she was) made him cry (ONCE) by saying postive things in a sad tone of voice.

Anyone with a toddler knows that if they fall the tone of your voice when you respond will have a direct response to how the child reacts. If you panic and say "are you ok" in a way that makes them think they should be hurt they're going to cry. If you say something like "boom, we all fall down (as in the game London Bridge)" they actually think for a second and laugh instead of cry. Or you tell a child they have to go to bed in 15 minutes you get a fight, but if you tell hey, I'll let you stay up for 15 more minutes you don't.

I don't think this is limited to children either. Kids crying, screaming, or thowing a fit go right to my spine. However kids screaming with joy, laughing, etc. no matter the decibel don't bother me a bit.

It's a challenge to outsmart their curious nature at this age.

[Rhapsody]

How about getting one of those TIME OUT CHAIRS and using it when he is really acting up and not listening.....
they have all kinds to choose from.

http://www.shopwiki.com/Time+Out+Chair+(B000S97Z38)

The idea is to teach him the word no, so consistantly use it for the same thing and when he gets it go over the top with praise ie, yeah well done Jer ! What a boy ! Wow ......

Try to use it as often as you can remember it really is just like training a puppy lol. And pups get the word no real fast.

You cant stop and start, its a forever thing so they get the message...

CONSISTANCY

[FRANTICMOM]

I had a friend who would get the childs attention and get really close to their face and whisper to them and they would be very focused to hear her, it was amazing! I tried it, however, and really sucked at it.lol

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by exoticflower

redirection redirection redirection than repeat...

Yes! This!!!

I do not think spanking hands and butts communicates clearly to a child but instead teaches them it is okay to hit. I have never seen any research that supports it as positive teaching tool.

Time out worked quite well for my defiant ADHD child but fifteen months may be too early. Or not. You could try and see what happens. The general rule is time out for one minute for every year of age.

Young children have very short attention spans. That is one reason redirection works well.