[BenMSW]

I recall the times as a teenager when I really gave my parents a run for their money. On many occasions I must have driven them beyond the point of insanity. Although I have several years to go until my children are teenagers, as a counselor, mental health professional, parent of young children, and blogger, I'm curious to know what strategies for staying calm with your teenagers (and/or young children) do you find useful?

Thanks.

Ben

I teach high school and probably the best thing anybody ever told me is not to engage in an argument with a teenager. I simply don't. I have three boys of my own also, and we really don't have many problems. We established and modeled correct behavior early on, and our boys know what is acceptable and what is crossing the line. I do that with my students also. They know what my boundaries are, and they know not to cross those lines.

Occasionally I'll have a pretty hard core student who clearly has no idea how to deal with authority figures. Again, I don't engage in arguments. I set up my perameters of expectations, and if they can't comply, there are consequences that they know ahead of time will follow.

I also pick my battles carefully. You really have to ask yourself if this battle is worth it. Some things can just be let go. You really have to have a sense of humor with teenagers; they actually see that as a sign of respect.

It may not sound like it from what I've said above, but there is a great deal of laughter in our home and in my classroom. I am NOT their buddy though. That's a mistake many parents make. Buddies don't discipline buddies; parents do.

[Rapunzel]

It is so much harder with your own kids sometimes than in most professional contexts, because with your own kids you have more of your own emotions to deal with and it is hard to be calm and objective. Sometimes you just have to give yourself a little time to breathe and put yourself together. It is easier to stay calm if you have a plan addressing the current crisis. Figure out what the problem is and what outcome you are hoping for. How can you communicate your goal to the kids and get them on board with it? One of the most useful things I have learned from my professional experience that applies every bit as much at home to is to establish that whatever the problem is, you are working with the kids or other people involved to solve the problem. Thus, it is "us, against the problem;" never "me against you."

[MyBestKids2]

I am in the middle of this "crisis" with my 14 year-old daughter....

My only advice is:

RUN, FORREST, RUN!!!