Why oh Why?

Fox · Feb 22, 2010 at 09:38 AM

I'm 24 years old, why do I get grounded from the computer right off the bat without them even talking to me? I got more respect as a teenager than now. Parents are such a mystery to me. I mean, yes it makes sense the computer is the only thing I'm attached to. But to me taking it away is pointless. I don't learn anything from it except "don't make dad mad". I tried to tell them what happened (I slept instead of going to church, I needed the sleep though. I hadn't slept a full night in 3 or 5 days and was finally able to catch up) but no, they wouldn't hear it and anything I said I was shut down by mom who talked to me instead of dad who stayed downstairs. He was really mad and I still don't understand why since this is the first time I've missed church to sleep in over a year. He hasn't talked to me since yesterday. I'm just so frustrated with them. They don't talk to me at all unless I'm in trouble. If I'm not at work I'm either home in my room away from them or at a friend's house.

Feb 22, 2010 at 09:48 AM

Why are you still living at home at 24? I'd say it's time to move out on your own.

As far as the computer thing goes, I don't understand why your parents are still grounding you at this age. You've been an adult for several years. (Which brings me back to my first point.)

Fox · Feb 22, 2010 at 09:58 AM

I don't have enough income to support myself. 24 is just a number, it doesn't mean anything. Dad has always said that I'm never too old for a spanking. Thankfully I haven't been spanked since I was 13 or 14. And yeah to me that's too old for a spanking, especially since using words is a million times more effective for me as far as discipline goes.

Feb 22, 2010 at 01:43 PM

I have a friend who is a Pastor of a church, his rules are if you live in his house then you attend a church.....

Several of his congregation follow this rule too, so I can sort of see where they are coming from.

The punishment I cant understand as talking to you pointing out the rules of the house would achieve far more than punishing a 24 year old.

Fox · Feb 22, 2010 at 05:05 PM

Yeah my dad's one of the ministers too so it makes sense that he doesn't want me to miss church but it was a mistake, I didn't mean to sleep in like that. It just happened. I think it's a good rule of the house and I plan on continuing attending even if I lived out on my own. Just I felt being punished was extreme and didn't make sense. Maybe something I'll just have to keep in mind for if I ever have kids of my own.

By the way I LOVE your signature!

Rhapsody · Feb 22, 2010 at 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fox

I got more respect as a teenager than now.

At twenty-four years old your parents probably had certain things in mind that they thought you would be doing by now and still living with them wasn't one of them. You say you do not have the means to support your self, may I ask why? - if it is due to a lack of a full time job just get out and keep looking til you find one.

It is my opinion that adult kids and their parents get along better when they all live in different houses.

Fox · Feb 22, 2010 at 11:56 PM

Rhap I tried to work full time it was BAD. VERY BAD. It's not that simple. You're probably right. I'm an utter disappointment to them.

sw628 · Feb 23, 2010 at 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

At twenty-four years old your parents probably had certain things in mind that they thought you would be doing by now and still living with them wasn't one of them. You say you do not have the means to support your self, may I ask why? - if it is due to a lack of a full time job just get out and keep looking til you find one.

It is my opinion that adult kids and their parents get along better when they all live in different houses.

Just my opinion

I'm 24 and i know plenty of 24yr olds that live at home. Not because they want to, but the economy was so bad that they had no other choice.( and they are all well educated..bachelor,masters, etc). I personally don't live it at home and couldn't. I have a full time job and grad school. When we live at home, we are forced to live by our parents rules. Fox, do you think you could slowly begin the transition out of your parents house? Maybe work and save money for an apt or find a roommate? This might help to relieve the tension between you and your parents. No, you are absolutely not a failure and the world is a lot more unforgiving that is was 20 years ago. You are still so young and there is still time to find out who you want to be in this world

Fox · Feb 24, 2010 at 01:25 AM

Only way could I move out on my own is if I move 86+ miles away. Then I can get assistance for an apartment and a mental health advocate would help me with finding a suitable job, but my problem is I work for about 6 months part time or 3 months full time then I experience burn out bad. I'm extremely shy and cautious and intimidated very easily in real life.

I talked about trying to live with my aunt in California for a while to see if I could do it without my parents. I was thinking if I had a well enough paying job there I could get a studio apartment for decent rent and just walk or ride a bike or get a bus pass. Dad said "if you leave, don't come back." It makes me really scared to try now. If I don't make it on my own will I have to be homeless?

Feb 24, 2010 at 09:08 AM

Sometimes we need to take a leap of faith ......

Personally I would give it some thought and save some money, I would then move the 86 miles away as at least you will be getting the help you need. It could of been embarassing for your dad for you to move to a relatives house while moving in on your own would be a different matter, why don't you talk to your mother about it ?

Fox · Feb 24, 2010 at 01:03 PM

Mom isn't much for conversation, she's always too busy doing something whether it's sewing or watching tv or at work. She won't stop what she's doing to listen and whenever I talk she's telling me to be quiet. I don't really know how to communicate with her. I live in a household of people who don't communicate and get mad when you don't read their mind. At least that's how I feel about it.

Right now it feels impossible to save. I give dad what I can for rent and the rest is paying medical bills and a credit card. I live paycheck to paycheck.

The whole thought of leaving is too overwhelming for me. I'm so scared to do that.

Feb 24, 2010 at 01:08 PM

Honey you don't have to move ..... If you feel better staying at home then stay ! No one would tell you to move out if you are not ready

.

Fox · Feb 24, 2010 at 09:30 PM

I feel like people want me to leave. Dad even complains about me living here still. Even my Ts have both tried to talk me into moving to the city where they can check in on me regularly. And a lot of people I talk to are shocked that I'm still living with my parents. I guess when you live in a small town where most people are married and out of the home by the time they're 18. . . it's just a lot of pressure. I wish I were braver.

Rhapsody · Feb 25, 2010 at 03:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fox

Only way could I move out on my own is if I move 86+ miles away. Then I can get assistance for an apartment and a mental health advocate would help me with finding a suitable job, but my problem is I work for about 6 months part time or 3 months full time then I experience burn out bad.

While I see that you have a plan I also understand the burnout (fear based) feeling that leads to feeling like you need to quit and run home to safety far away from the world and the people you work with - I have been.

serafim_etal · Feb 25, 2010 at 04:43 PM

You are 24 and you are paying rent, yet you were grounded? Paying rent implies adult responsibilities, being grounded implies dad's in charge. Either you are an adult or you are not...dad can't have it both ways.

My personal opinion...and you can accept it if it fits, or just ignore it if it doesn't...is that your parents are being abusive. Could this be part of why you are shy and intimidated easily?

MyBestKids2 · Feb 26, 2010 at 09:18 PM

Hi Fox!

I have no valuable advice, just a piece of info to put along side what the others in your life are saying about you still living at home.

Approximately 2 weeks ago, my 60 year-old sister in law moved back in with her 80 year-old mother..

Times have changed drastically in the past years. Its ok to be home with your parents, please don't feel rushed.

Good luck to you!!!

Rhapsody · Feb 27, 2010 at 12:50 AM

Thought: How do you feel about sharing a place with a roommate? - this would let you be independent and cut down on the living expense.

Feb 27, 2010 at 05:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

Thought: How do you feel about sharing a place with a roommate? - this would let you be independent and cut down on the living expense.

Whats the big deal about moving out ?

NuckingFutz · Feb 27, 2010 at 05:41 AM

Looks like a mixed message. These are the rules as I have read them: work, pay rent, go to church every Sunday without fail or get punished, there will be no healthy discussion about anything...ever, it is okay for dad to get mad when he deems necessary, it is okay for dad to threaten you with physical punishment because it works. We know it works because it is one of your fear buttons...how do we know it is one of your fear buttons? Because we put it there because it works. Now on the rent thing...you have to pay rent because otherwise you would move out on your own and just what would the congregation and the town think of dad then?! That about right? And uh this environment is safe for you? It is not safe, it is just what you are use to. Oh, and the most important rule is if you leave or get any professional help, you can never come back. Uncle Sam helped me out but maybe someone can come up with some options. This one is too close to my past to be objective about. I will be watching this thread. Hugs, NF

serafim_etal · Feb 27, 2010 at 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tishie

Whats the big deal about moving out ?

It's generally better for a person to leave an unhealthy, and unsafe environment?

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Anonymous32910 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 22, 2010 at 09:48 AM #2 Why are you still living at home at 24? I'd say it's time to move out on your own. As far as the computer thing goes, I don't understand why your parents are still grounding you at this age. You've been an adult for several years. (Which brings me back to my first point.)
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Anonymous29402 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 22, 2010 at 01:43 PM #4 I have a friend who is a Pastor of a church, his rules are if you live in his house then you attend a church..... Several of his congregation follow this rule too, so I can sort of see where they are coming from. The punishment I cant understand as talking to you pointing out the rules of the house would achieve far more than punishing a 24 year old.
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Fox Free Hug Giver Chat Leader Member Since Jul 2009 Location: State of Confusion Posts: 2,252 14 99 hugs given	Feb 22, 2010 at 11:56 PM #7 Rhap I tried to work full time it was BAD. VERY BAD. It's not that simple. You're probably right. I'm an utter disappointment to them. __________________
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Anonymous29402 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 24, 2010 at 01:08 PM #12 Honey you don't have to move ..... If you feel better staying at home then stay ! No one would tell you to move out if you are not ready .
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Rhapsody Wise Elder Member Since Jan 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 9,946 18 1 hugs given	Feb 27, 2010 at 12:50 AM #17 Thought: How do you feel about sharing a place with a roommate? - this would let you be independent and cut down on the living expense.
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