[Sabrina]

My son is twelve. He is expressing a desire to have his own email address, which I could easily create for him in yahoo or gmail. But he is also expressing, very loudly, that he does not want me checking up on him. I am instantly bristling at this as I don't know if he is old enough for it yet.

I want to give him his privacy but I know that I am going to want to check up on him too. Is this invasive? Where do I draw the line. If we create an email address for him, he has to have a password, which he is not going to want to share with me. What now?

I don't mind him using my business email addy for close friends - as we do for family - but this seems unacceptable to him.

I don't know where to go from here.

[pachyderm]

How willing is he to put up with tons of spam? Will he respond to any of it? That might be another worry for you...

[perpetuallysad]

Well, my son's 9 and I set him up an email addy about 3 years ago because some of our friends (and their girls) moved far away from us. Both our families have been working on teaching the kids about the computer and internet, so we encourage them to type out emails to each other. My friend's two girls are the only people who have his address and I have it set up so that any email he gets automatically sends a copy to my address as well. The kids are all pretty sweet and innocent, so I haven't had any problems. Though they probably only contact each other 3-5 times a year.

Its kind of a hard choice. On the one hand, I would ask if you listen to his phone calls? If not, why check his emails? On the other hand, I know there is fear that kids may be talking to strangers, so I would definitely understand being afraid of that. On the other hand (I have many, many hands apparently!) I am glad that the two of you have a good enough relationship that he asked you about it without just making one for himself and not telling you about it. Of course, you know your son best, but maybe you could take it as a sign that he talked to you about it in the first place that he's ready to use email in a responsible way. If you are really nervous, you can set up through gmail (I don't know about other services) two email accounts, one for yourself and one for him. When you set his up, you can go into the preferences and set it to email you a copy of all incoming messages. You could try just glancingly monitoring it like that for a while (not exactly sneaking, but maybe just keeping an eye on things until you are comfortable).

Also, if he doesn't sign up for any website's newsletters or just type in his email address willy nilly, I doubt he will get spam. I've had the same email address for 6 years and maybe get one piece of spam every 2 or 3 months.

[lynn P.]

Since your son is asking for your permission to have an email, then he shouldn't be putting conditions IMO. My oldest girl has had one since she was 10 and I just told her this is how it would be - I would have access to it. I also taught her about internet safety - not giving out personal info. I rarely check on it now, because she has earned my trust, but I could still look if I wanted. Funny thing is, I wouldn't mind if she had access to my email either - I have nothing to hide lol.

She started a Facebook account a few months ago and she knows I can see her page. I've browsed at other kids accounts and I wonder if their parents look, because some of their photos are inappropriate and the language is awful. You're the parent Sabrina and you make the rules.

[notz]

As has been said...your house, your rules. It's reasonable to expect him to earn his privilege, not the other way around.

I have a 12 year old son who I trust however....

I don't trust others so no I would not allow him privacy.

[Juliaspavlov]

I trusted one of my sons back in the 90's
but he went on wierd cult sites and downloaded
psychotic sounding religious stuff
anyway I'm sorry this isnt what you were asking
just wanted to have a word on the topic

[Sabrina]

Thank you to all of you for responding and reaffirming what I thought was best.

I will allow him an email addy but it is my computer and my rules. So I will have access. Basically I will tell him to take it or leave it. Nicely of course.

[Perna]

Whose computer is it :-)

As the Wizard of Id cartoon says, "Remember the Golden Rule: He who has the gold, makes the rules"

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by Perna

Whose computer is it :-)

As the Wizard of Id cartoon says, "Remember the Golden Rule: He who has the gold, makes the rules"

I love that quote Perna. Sabrina has the gold.

[Sabrina]

I'm smiling. Thanks friends!!

[notz]

Love smiles...........

[Yoshi]

I Honestlly think your son is old enough. I think he just wants you to trust him to do the right thing, but then again it would be good to check up on him once in a while. Maybe you 2 can work somthing out together, so you both get what you want??