8 year old got hurt "at school"...???

I haven't posted in this forum before, but I don't know quite what to do in this situation. For the record, I have 4 kids ages 8-18 and the 3 younger ones live w/their dad in a neighboring town (his choice, not mine!)

So, my 8 year old called me after school today and said "my privates are bleeding" and that it happened at school. I talked to her a little bit and then to her dad. I asked him if he is taking her to the doctor, he said they are going to the movies (!!) and he might take her to the doctor at some unspecified future time.

This sets off ALL KINDS of red flags and warnings for me. It doesn't ring true, and I am so afraid she is being sexually abused by her father or by...???

As a survivor of CSA, and of spousal sexual assault at the hands of her father, I am triggered to the max right now and trying to sort out what is my stuff and what is reality and mostly, what is the right thing for me to do in this situation??

Call CPS, wait until I have the kids this weekend and take her to the ER, wait and talk to her more on Saturday...I don't even know what my other options are but my head is spinning and I could use some input. I did call my T and talk to her about this, which was helpful but I'm still not handling this well.

Hard times
i can't even imagine but it must be horrible for you. But you know you have to gather yourself and solve it. I just wanted to be near no matter my knowledge are poor on such thing but I do about triggers and the pain... but think you have to help the child now.

Call CPS and explain the situation and ask their advice. Your daughter may need to be assessed and possibly do a rape kit and the sooner they do that the better.

Do you have transportation to where your daughter is staying?

yoda, it happens that my van is in the shop until next week, so I don't have transportation. I will have her this weekend and can probably use my older daughter's car at that time, but tonight I can't do much. I am worried about the passage of time as I know how vital evidence can be lost, but I'm kind of at a loss.

Here is some information that may help you.


Child Protective Services (CPS)Suspect Abuse, Report it Now.
Call Toll-Free Child Abuse Hotline 1-888-SOS-CHILD (1-888-767-2445)

https://www.azdes.gov/dcyf/cps/

Are you supposed to get your daughter Friday evening or Saturday? I would call CPS right now because you may have trouble finding somebody available on weekends.

What did your husband have to say when you talked to him about this matter? - I ask because while it is rare some eight year old girls can and do start their period early.

((((((((((((zoo))))))))))))))

What a tough situation.

My oldest son is 13, and a few weeks ago my best friend, who has a 13 y/o son found something disturbing in her son's e-mail about another 13 y/o (girl) who is one of my son's best friends. All of the parents in the situation are friends, and we are all very close to each other's children (we take vacations together, spend holidays together, etc).

My friend and I both were SA as children and as we talked about what to do, it was REALLY hard to separate our own issues from the situation at hand. It was hard to know what was over-reacting and what was under-reacting. In the end, she did contact the parents, and turned it over to them, and we knew it was the right decision. But really, it was hard to get to the point of even being able to make a good guess as to how to proceed, you know?

My thought during the whole thing was that I wish someone would have protected me. I wish someone would have erred on the side of caution when they saw warning signs. I wish the people who were abusing me would have somehow been made to stop.

I think that in your situation, I would make a doctor appt for tomorrow afternoon and find some kind of ride to get her there. And I would make an anonymous call to CPS to describe everything I knew and to hear what they would say. I would do those two things at LEAST.

I'm so sorry that this situation is going on for you. I KNOW how confusing and triggering it must be.

What did your T say about it???

thanks so much for the responses. I didn't sleep a lot last night but I did get SOME sleep and I feel a little more able to cope this morning.

As far as what her dad said when I talked to him, he just said "of course I'm taking her to the dr. But we are going to the movies right now. First she's taking a shower." So, it was weird. If he thought, believed, that she was hurt it seems odd that he'd take her to the movie. I don't believe at all that he will take her to the dr today. I am going to call him to ask, but I know he'll say she's fine.

I talked to my daughter briefly again last night and she did *seem* fine, she was happy and bubbly but that too was odd. She was talking in baby talk and said "blood go bye bye". This is an extremely intelligent, articulate 8 year old. She doesn't talk like that.

My T was wonderful when I called her last night. She said what you did, tree, that I can call CPS anonymously and give them the info and see what they say. I talked to her about how hard it is for me to sort out my history from what is going on now. I'm just so scared of doing the wrong thing or doing something that's going to make things worse. I feel like this is all my fault for not protecting my daughter and my T talked to me about that and helped me see that it's not my fault.

So. Today I'm going to call CPS, call her father, and see if I can get my older daughter to give me a ride to pick up her sister and take her to the doctor. If not, I will take her to the ER tomorrow afternoon when I get her for her overnight visit. I think that's my plan.

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Please know I'm in no way trying to minimize this, if your daughter was sexually assaulted. If she was, then it has to be handled the right way.

I agree with Rhapsody, it's possible for girls as young as 8 to get their period, especially now a days, do to estrogens in the environment. Usually when a child is assaulted, they're very secretive and wouldn't tell the school they're bleeding. If it's not her period then I would look at SA being a possibility. I pray it's not that - try to remain calm.

my 1st thought was that she had started her period, I know at 8 it is young but not unheared of. However, she talked about pain and getting hurt on the playground, and not wanting to pee because it hurt. That doesn't sound like her period to me, but I guess that's something the dr will find out.

When I talked to my T about this last night she said she has heard the story of a child getting hurt like this on the playground many, many times and that in her experience it has never turned out to be true.

I talked to her father this morning and he was saying she is fine and he has no plans to take her to the dr. I told him I AM going to take her, and he became very defensive. I told him there's a possibility that someone is hurting our child, don't you want to find out if it's true? Don't you think it's your JOB, as her father, to find out and to protect her? I don't know what to think right now about who could be doing this to her, if anyone. It could be her father, I don't want to think that but I don't know! I don't know how a perp like that thinks, I don't know how to tell who is safe and who isn't. The fact that he SA me many times during our marriage doesn't help.

It's just confusing and overwhelming and I want to push it away and forget about it and let it go, but I can't do that. I have to do what's best for my daughter. I don't want her to come to me when she's older and ask me why I didn't stop this from happening, if something IS happening.

((zooropa)) - I'm a mom too and believe me I'm not trying to sway you away from thinking molestation if something did happen. The best thing to do is speak calmly with your daughter and take her to the doctors.

When you said it hurts to pee - I had a lightbulb moment. it could be a bladder infection - this can cause blood in the urine and on the toilet paper. If her hymen was broken, it might bleed in a minor way and stop.

So what she needs is to give a urine sample, to see if she has an infection and be examined. Does she have a pediatrician? It's important you don't jump to conclusions and scare her. Try to remain calm and don't think the worst, until you speak with your daughter and the doctor. Please let me know if this is a bladder infection and get her in right away. I've had one before where the urine is completely red. I hope and pray it's only a bladder infection and not SA.

thanks, Lynn
I had thought of a UTI, too, when I heard that it hurts her to pee. I will take her to the dr tomorrow regardless and make sure they do a urine test while we're there.

I talked to my T again this afternoon, she is helping me SO much because she has a lot of experience w/this stuff and she also has experience with ME so she knows how this is triggering for me. I don't have to try very hard to explain to her how I feel and what I'm going through, because she really knows. She told me what she would do if it were HER daughter in this situation, that helped a lot. I am so afraid of over-reacting or under-reacting, so knowing what my logical, healthy T would do in this situation really helps.

I will keep you guys posted

((Zooropa)) -I'm happy you spoke to your T and she calmed you down. If it hurts to pee, it does sound like a UTI but to be safe tell the doctor you also want her examined with you in the room of course. Are you suspicious of your husband? I understand how triggering and frightening the thought of abuse must be and I'm a firm protector of my girls as well. I have an 8 and 12 yr olds. I pray to God it's just a UTI.

(((Zoo))) I think you are taking all of the right steps. Id take her to the doctor and get a ride there if you have to. You can try to ask her about what happened and not make too much of a reaction no matter what she says. If it were me Id try ot look closely at my D to see if she were covering up something.

I think it is best to take her to the doc and to talk to someone at cps to see what they say and advise you to do. They probably have very gentle and very professional ways of talking to children of any age. They can also talk to your ex. From what you have said in the past about him, he sounds like a difficult person and potentially violent. Im glad you are getting as much help as you are and support from T.

Please keep us posted.

Did your daughter have an accident at school? It seems like that might be what she was trying to say? You can call the school and ask them what happened. If a child is injured they are supposed to file an accident report and give a copy to the parents.

Recently I got my daughter a book ("The Body Scoop for Girls") written by an OB-Gyn, just for girls, and it has a section on genital injury. There are a number of ways to sustain genital injury, such as "straddle injuries" where a hard bump or impact to between the legs occurs (playing on the bars at school?). There are also ways to get cut or bruised. These injuries can occur and not be related to sexual contact. The book advises placing a towel between the legs and applying gentle pressure until the bleeding stops. Then ice the injury. If the bleeding does not stop or there is some other indication such as really severe pain, a trip to the ER is in order. Here is the book's recommendations about when to call the doctor for a genital injury:

"1) If the injury is bleeding at all. For heavy bleeding, call 911.
2) If you can't urinate within a few hours of the accident.
3) If you feel OK, but the accident seemed scary and dangerous--a fall from a 12 foot high jungle gym, a collision on a bike at high speed, or anything that seems like it could cause a serious injury."

I think you should call your daughter and get more information on how she was injured at school. Ask her if she is still bleeding and how painful it is. It sounds like she might need to be with Mom right now instead of Dad, as she might be more comfortable having Mom look at her injury to assess how serious it is. Talk to her father too and explain that these injuries can be very serious and ask him what he has done to assess the injury, if she is still bleeding, has he applied ice, how often she is urinating, etc. This may be outside his capacity to help, so offer that you will come and take care of your daughter. He could either drive her to your place or you could take a taxi or rent a car for a day or have a friend take you.

I think you will learn a lot from a conversation with your daughter. If she won't give plausible details on how the injury occurred, then I think suspecting something sexual may be right on target.

thanks so much for the support you guys

update: her dad said he took her to the dr on Friday, and that it was a straddle injury. They told her to soak in the a bath with epsom salts and to put neosporin on it.

He wouldn't tell me what dr he took her to when I asked, and then he didn't let me have my scheduled weekend visit w/the kids at all. My teenage boys were gone w/friends, and the 8 year old was on a playdate.

I really want to talk to the dr and find out if this is true, and if he even took her or if he's just saying that to shut me up. I haven't been able to talk to my daughter since Thurs night when this happened.

I think now is the time to start threatening, I would insist on having the drs name and address tell him you will get the Drs number yourself.

If he wont comply then tell him you will be phoning social services on him.

Adults have to stand up for children, they cant do it themselves.

I know this is scary but in my head this needs to be done.

Yes I agree as her mother you have the right to speak with the doctor and speak with your daughter. You need to know what caused this bleeding and why.

Call CPS. Your ex does not want to deal with you but he will have to deal with them. Err on the side of caution for the sake of your daughter.

Wouldn't he take her to your daughter's family doctor? Can you call the doctor and see if she was seen there on Friday? I think your H's caginess on this topic is a huge red flag. Unless something was not on the up and up, why would he not give you the name of the doctor?

I am assuming you are divorced if you share custody of your kids. All of this would be in violation of your Parenting Plan, a legal document. You need to be able to talk to your daughter. If it were me, I would place a quick call to my lawyer--5 minute conversation--and ask about violation of the parenting plan. Maybe there is some quick language she can give you to use on a phone call to your kids' father to make him sit up and listen and realize he needs to let you speak with your daughter, see her at the scheduled time, etc., or he is in violation. I would be very frank with him--if he doesn't let you talk to your daughter or tell you the doctor's name, you will call CPS. On Monday AM, also call the school to get verification an injury occurred on campus. When you speak with your daughter, you can ask her which doctor she went to see (and if she went at all). You might also be able to get some information from your teen-aged boys--did they know if your daughter went to a doctor?

Good luck, zooropa. I will be thinking of you and your daughter.