Need To Share.

the best way to impress a bully is to beat the carp out of them... passive resistance is not very effective on the playground... this has become a national, perhaps a global problem, with not just kids, but adults too. perhaps even demonstrated on this very webpage.... i applaud Lynn's refusal to be denigrated for having perfectly normal feelings about protecting her children, and the obligations of other parents and society in general, to support her in this~!

So that is what is inside of them!

Gus - To a degree, I agree with you - but the level of violence in today's society has gotten out of hand.

In junior high back in the late 60s, my best friend was picked on by most of the kids at school - mostly because of her thick glasses. One girl in particular was particularly cruel and kept challenging my friend to a fight - but my friend kept ignoring her.

My friend had enough one day and told her to meet her at the park after school - but the fight would be one-on-one ONLY. The entire school showed up for that fight because it was unusual back then for girls to fight. Everyone placed their bets on the cruel girl because she had such a big mouth. I asked my friend if she needed any help, just in case, and she told me to stay out of it altogether no matter what happened.

I was a nervous wreck when they faced off with each other, but it all happened so quickly. Before the dust even settled, my friend stood up - holding that girl's pierced earring in her hand with a big smile. The girl got up crying, holding her ear, and ran home as the crowd laughed at her.

No one from that school ever bothered my friend again. She and that girl stayed out of each other's space because it was too humiliating for that girl and my friend had no desire to interact any further with her. The fight didn't go any further because they BOTH had older brothers who were much bigger and stronger and didn't want to involve themselves in "kiddy drama."

If I had stepped in to help my friend, the fight would have escalated into a major brawl consisting of the original fight, personal disputes between other people, and people who just like to "get in on the action." Nothing would have been settled.

If I (or anyone else) had stepped in and fought that battle for my friend, she never would have earned the respect she received.

I'm all for a good fight now and then, but people need to know when to stop fighting and when to stop pushing. My friend's goal was not to "destroy" that girl - her goal was to make her STOP. She did, and so did my friend. If my friend would have thrown it in her face, the fight would have been ongoing. Not only would fellow students have to get involved, so would their older brothers. I'm thankful that never happened.

The two girls eventually went on to other school and other paths in life. They both learned to choose their battles wisely.

I know it's important for parents to be involved these days, but I'm not sure our/their parents could have resolved this issue. Not only were they too busy with their own lives, they were too far removed generationally to understand all the dynamics. I'm quite certain the police (or teachers) would not have been able to resolve that issue either.

I'm just rambling here....she was an awesome friend - may she rest in peace.

I would like to know why my post was removed ? It was polite and not offensive ! It even mentioned the word supportive ! I would really like to know why it was removed...

(((((Tishie))))) thank you so much for helping me.I will explain in a PM.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me here. As I explained in another thread, neither I or my husbands parents are alive, so it's a great help to share my feelings with people here at PC. As Gus reminded me of the well known saying "it takes a village to raise a child". I know I talk about my kids alot here and sometimes I wonder if I'm a little pain in the butt lol. I honestly haven't met nicer people IRL and you're all wonderful.

I hope tomorrow wil be a good day for my 9 yr old at school. Hopefully the police visiting them, will make them think it's best to drop this battle.

((Lynn)) I hope you know that everything I say to you should be taken with a grain of salt. I did not mean to sound unsupportive to you. I apologize for rambling here because I realize my childhood stories do not apply to this thread. It's too late to edit my post above, so I would appreciate it if anyone who has the power to do so would remove my post - as well as this one. Thanks.

(((Dear Miss Kathy))) - please know that I love the stories you share - I really do. I appreciate your opinions and letting us see another way of looking at bullying. You're right there are many different ways to handle bullying and some don't work for certain situations. I would never think just because you're sharing about bullying, that you're not being supportive of me.

You're one my best buddies here Kathy - you and I are always on the same page. I wrote the above post because of something that happened last night here - plus I have 2 other threads here at PC about my kids(feeling like a pest lol). I didn't write the post in response to your post. You're more than welcome to keep the above posts and I love to hear from you(stories & all) anytime KathyM.

it's true, each situation is different,,, my brother was a psychopathic genius, who could fool any adult he wanted and tormented the younger kids relentlessly,,, no one knew,, we all had been raised not to tell, to take care of it ourselves,, so much suffering, needless and unaddressed,, it never should have been allowed to go on and on and on,,, that's where i am coming from....

I'm going to go off topic for a bit:
I understand what you're saying ((Gus1234U)). My oldest is a brown belt in karate. When she moved to a different school for grade 7 and 8 - on a few different occasions, she was challenged to physical fights. Girls seem to be into physical fighting more these days. I think they were testing the waters, because there's this heirarchy with girls. Normally if the girls not strong, she would back away and cower but she didn't. Naturally she was prepared to take care of herself, but warned them 1st that she was trained in karate. As soon as she showed the girl, she was ready, the girl ran away. She also had to use her skill last week, because a boy in her class randomly tried to slap her face - she dodged it and pushed him over a desk.

I agree, sometimes it's more effective to give a swift punch to the nose. My 9 yr old who involved in this thread isn't trained and the girls older sibling is bigger unfortunately. I'm hoping she'll have a good day and all concerned will just forget about it.

Good news - there's been a significant change with the other side. Yesterday the girl in my daughters class, came to school with a card, friendship bracelet and eraser - on the card it said "lets have a 'do over' and can we be friends again' with a picture drawn on it The eraser said 'do over'. So my daughter accepted this and she had a good day - no problems with the older sibling at recess.

I think what was happening lately was - the older daughter was getting involved in this drama - carrying on the problem. I think the pricipal and the officer told the parents the oldest daughter was prolonging this.

Today my youngest is giving her a card which says - "thank you for the bracelet and yes I accept the 'do over' - we can be friends", along with a beaded key chain. I made it clear to the officer that I wanted this to end so the kids could get on with their life.

Looking back it would have been much better if the mom never came to my door - even though I was very kind to her. The next day after the incident, the principal spoke to the girls and she helped them solve this. I believe everything would have blown over at that point. So I'm very pleased it worked out this way. The last thing I wanted was, for the kids to feel uneasy around each other and not feel 100% peaceful at school.

Thank you to all that supported me and allowing me an outlet for my frustration.

Good news .... Looks like a visit to them via the Police worked wonders lol.

Yes I'm pleasantly surprised. I wasn't sure if it would make it worse or better. I wasn't about to let it continue - so it was either the police or go down myself lol. Even though I don't like the parents for what happened, I don't want my daughter to forever, be at odds with their kids. Thanks Tishie

Whats been going on ? Update would be great ....

Thanks for asking ((Tishie))) and things are still peaceful. The girls grade 5 sibling is staying away from my daughter at recess. My daughter and the girl are acting normal and interacting like classmates should.

Since they get driven in the morning and usually drive by our house, which is the morning bus stop...the mother goes around the block in front of us, to avoid driving past the bus stop. To me that's a little over kill lol - don't know if she's being silly or the officer scared her.....not going to care.

I'm still going to stick with the request for them not to be in the same class for grades 4,5 and 6 in the coming years. I just don't want to deal with their drama but they won't know I requested it. So I'm very happy the girls are peaceful. Secretly I don't like the parents but I keep it to myself.

yay!! winning the battle is Good~! winning safety for your kids is the best ~! so glad you toughed it out and went the whole 9 yards, Lynn~!!

Well done Lynn, you have managed to teach your children some valuable lessons.

Way to go Lynn!

Thank you my friends.

This is wonderful news! Congratulations, Lynn P.!

Thank you ((Rohag)) - it was a great relief for me to share this problem here. It released my frustrations, allowed me to hear members opinions and I think we understand things better when we see it written down - like a journal.

I also wanted to give a special thanks to ((Tishie)) for suggesting I call the police and see what's the law. Once again I thank everyone who supported me here.