10 year old, laptop, and Facebook

My 10 year old stepdaughter has her own laptop, which she is only allowed to use in the living room. She is only allowed on certain sites, like Webkins, iCarly, and other kid ones. Recently, my husband allowed her to join Facebook, which I don't like the idea of. Why? Because she is becoming friends with anyone and she reads her mother's posts, who constantly posts about her drinking and getting drunk. Stuff a 10 year old, especially her own daughter, shouldn't be reading. We told my stepdaughter that she is only allowed on Facebook to play the games, but she's doing other things, too.
Anyway, the other day, I checked out her history, and since she's not allowed to use Google, she used Facebook to search the follwing topics: Sex, naughty pics, and Playgirl. I took the laptop away from her and said she will get it back when her Dad comes back from his trip and has a talk with her. It's been a week. My husband never spoke to her about it, and she's never inquired to get her laptop back. I guess she's afraid to talk to her Daddy about it!
What would you have done?

I would only have a desktop computer in the living room, which has a lock system or sometig. I'd not let her hook her laptop up to the Internet When i was younger, whenever i was left alone in the house, my parents took the internet modem with them. but usually at that young age, kids look up porn because they are just curious. There needs to be open flowing communication about sexuality with this girl from her parents. I never got the talk from my parents so i looked online for all the answers i wanted. I ended up becoming addicted to porn and felt so guilty and sidk of myself it took me a very long time to view sex as a good thing between two people who love each other.

I think I would 'accidently' drop the lap top ... opps !

Also... Since your husband never spoke to her... You gotta wonder. Was he the one who looked up those things on the Internet, and framed her so that if he was caught he could easily blame her? Sorry just a thought...

I think Facebook is more harmful than looking at Playboy site. Your daughter is curious. Are you talking about sex with her? My mother never did talk about sex with me, she instead gave me a book that explained how a fetus grew. So I went to the library and read excerpts from The Joy of Sex.

No, it definately wasn't my husband. He has his own computer. Everytime (just a few) times I have tried the sex talk with her, she gets upset and doesn't want to hear about it. Not upset, like in tears, but like she already knows, or sh'e just embarassed or acts like she doesn't want to know.
I never was made to feel comfortable with sex when I was growing up. My mom made it sound like masturbation was gross, so to this day, I am uncomfortable with sex and can't enjoy it to the extent I would like. I usually don't orgasm, and due to meds, I have no sexual desire.
I think i will do some bonding with my stepdaughter this weekend when my hubby goes out of town. Then I will try to explain some things with her, after I get her feeling comfortable with me.

Yeah that's how I was with my mom. She tried to ask if I knew not to have sex before marriage (it was a strict christian household...) and id say gosh i know leave me alone! stuff like that. but only cause i didn't have a good relationship with her. and when my mom tried to explain periods i told her i already knew and to stop talking to me. its hard to be a teen and not exactly know things yet, its embarrassing. maybe if you told your daughter about your uncomfortableness with sex growing up and how its affected you, and that you dont want her to go through the same thing. Even if she doesnt listen to you, maybe if you give her a book to read its better than nothing. that way theres no embarrassing confrontation about it.

There is something else that needs to be talked about...by all three of you. The facebook account should be deleted. Facebook doesn't allow anyone under 13 to join...their verification is by birth date. Now I know many people lie and are under 13, but I'm betting that most of them did not have a parents' permission to do so!

Thinking about it now...maybe you and your husband should talk first...then bring the daughter in to the conversation.

I'd have the talk to your stepdaughter. And when she goes online you should be able to monitor her web serfing habits. Unbeknownst to a lot of people, pedifiles have been documented to pick there victims from the facebook site.

I think that you have done the right thing taking it away from her both my 10 & 11 year olds have a facebook account but I know both passwords & check them all the time they know they do not add anyone we don't know & have a pic of there pets in stead of them so no one can see what they look like if they do anything they should not on there they will have the account deleted it must be hard for you as you are only her step mum she may not care about how you feel on these matters but I hope that is not the case for you I hope you can sort this out soon

"No information from children under age 13. If you are under age 13, please do not attempt to register for Facebook or provide any personal information about yourself to us. If we learn that we have collected personal information from a child under age 13, we will delete that information as quickly as possible. If you believe that we might have any information from a child under age 13, please contact us through this help page."

http://www.facebook.com/policy.php

By knowingly allowing an underage child to be on Facebook, you are making it more dangerous for all of us on there legitimately, adults and teens alike.

Cocos: I have twin step-daughters that are 9. I think of them as my girls, my children. At our house they just got their "own Laptop." It's our old one and it stays on a desk in our living room. The girls are only allowed on certain sites. They like to play some games on Facebook. If they want to do that they have to ask to go on MY computer, where I sit next to them and watch them play the games I allow. I am worried b/c they want their own accounts we keep telling them no. But I know their mom will let them have one soon. And when she does I will be making sure that the girls let me know what their passwords are so I can make sure privacy settings are set and such forth.

I agree with what you did. I would do the same. Our girls are only allowed a certain amount of time on the computer as well. I wish you luck. I know how hard it is to be a step-mom.

You did the right thing by taking the laptop and I agree with the others about deleting the Facebook. My 13 yr old has Facebook but I told her I have full access to view it. There are so many kids her age who's parents aren't looking at their kids account because I see the risky photos these girls are posting. I was browsing Facebook the other day and saw one guys wall with a porno pic right on the main page.

Microsoft has a feature called 'family safety' and you program what you want her to have access to. If she tries to go to forbidden areas it blocks it or asks her to ask the parents to approve it. For most teens Facebook is also for tons of arguments and bullying. Beware if she has a camera and what she doing with the photos. Have her use the laptop in the main living area and give her a time limit.

I would have left her the laptop.Being a child myself (even though not as young as your daughter) I see what you're doing as pointless.I have an alchoholic father, I've lived with him all my life, and Id rather be told the truth if I wasn't, then be told he's moody or something.It's reallity, and rather then preventing your child from doing these things, shouldn't you discuss it with the mother that she could simply put a lock on cretain statuses? So that her child, and/or a few more people can't see it?

As for forbiding her to go to any sites, I have to say this is something very ..obsessive? That people like to do.
She is going to learn about sex and similar sooner or later, if she has tehnology, why not let her learn through it? Sometimes, expecialy for shy kids, that's alot easier.

The only sites you should block for her are ones that may actualy cause her some damadge, in most cases these are sites that already have an age limit. (From 13 to up).

By doing all of this, you are showing your daughter that you don't trust her, and I would have hated it if my parents tried doing the same.10 years old or 28, it doesn't matter at all.You can't keep your daughter from the real world no matter how you try.

''Risky photos''? You can't treat your children as todlers forever.In fact the earlier they start learing about sex and similar the better.I suggest buying her a book about sexual education, protection and similar.Sure, she's still young and most probably doesn't have any need for it.But those books have alot of information on things that will eventualy take her interest.
In stead of internet, she will have a book filled with information actual child psyhologists wrote, so she will know how to deal with the upcoming situations emotionaly as well. (Even upcoming periods can be stressful at first, if you are not openly talking to her about it already)

I'm 15 years old, and thanks to my father (an alchoholic or not), by the time I was 12 I had at least 8 books on the subject, and read each of them at least three to five times.You shouldn't limit your child from the real world.So what if she's 10? So what if she recieves a link or searches up something ''inappropriate''? (Ex: a porn site. It's nothing she wont be hearing or learning about sooner or later.Having her see one (willingly) may not be a bad thing to be honest.May bring some questions to you, meaning she will gladly educate around the topic.Which is very important.)

Every child needs to know what to do and what not to.. As for facebook, you should only make sure two things things:
-If she registered using her real name, tell her to change it imediately.
-Explain to her that she should not give out any information regarding her name, phone number, adress and similar.

That's it, and that's all you should limit her to.At least regarding internet.As long as she's not meeting anyone in the real world (someone she doesn't know), or giving her information out, she's alright.