[Dani717]

I'm hoping someone can give me some insight on this. I got divorced this year from my ex husband that is a compulsive liar/addict. I am trying to provide the best structure and stability for my son, while my ex is doing the complete opposite. Every attempt that I have made to "co-parent" is unsuccessful, because I "can't tell him what to do". I started my son in therapy a few months ago, and my ex didn't want him to go because "how much is that going to cost me" and he thought that "spending more time as a family" would help him adjust better. Obviously that isn't going to help. I got him to sign the consent form and his words were "you better not put him on anything". Honestly I just want my child to be happy but something happened last night, and I am extremely upset by it. After John's session we were driving home and we just started talking. My kid says to me "two weeks is a long time" I miss daddy A LOT I wish I was with him more (I know this is a long time to go without daddy, but that is daddy's fault for being unavailable, not mine... and OBVIOUSLY I did not relay my feelings to him). So I asked "How would you like the calendar to be?" and he replied "a lot of daddy days and only a little mommy days" to which I replied, "Well wouldn't you miss mommy then?" He says "yeah, but only a little. I miss daddy a lot".
So my child obviously misses the fun irresponsible parent. He has no structure there. I even found out recently that although my son knows that it is not good to play M games, his awesome lying father is teaching him to lie to me already. He told John "you can play Call of Duty with me as long as you don't tell mommy". May not seem to be a big deal to some but it is teaching him to hide things from me, and I tell him all the time that I'm here for him, and that we don't keep secrets from mom. I had a sinking feeling that John might be being abused when I found 2 of his stuffed animals with their pants down (build a bears). Maybe curiosity, maybe not... IDK but If this A hole is telling him DON"T tell mommy about a video game, what else is going on?
He is my world and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. Although it hurts John now when he doesn't answer the phone when he calls at night, or doesn't offer to spend a few hours with him after school during the week I'm secretly happy. Every time he comes back from there it takes about 2 days for him to not be excessively whiny and defiant.
HELP!!!
Sorry about being long, winded, possibly confusing, but I wanted to give as much info as possible for a response.
Thank you!

[kgfaith2011]

Yes! Divorce can be challenging for the entire family. Everone in the family will go through stress and will have their own interesting ways of coping. That's okay. Know that you are not the only one that has had these challenges. I do want to say that each family member has more to offer in this world. Whatever situations do come up, I encourage you to not allow it to drag your energy down, or pull you away from accomplishing your goals, or reaching God's purpose for your life. Always know that there is hope, despite of all odds such as divorce, separation, loss of a family member. With much family support, encouragement, spiritual growth, and other positive stress management techniques you can get through it. Your family will make it. Take care!

[Dani717]

Thank you for your kind words. What is most difficult is trying to help my son cope with all of it. I know we are better off, but my son doesn't. He still misses him a lot, even though when he was home, he was never really there. I know in time things will all work themselves out. Thanks again.