[sweetwilliams]

I was hoping to be able to chat with someone... but I am new to this forum so I can't use chat yet...

My brother is, psychologically a teenager ... and our parents have passed away so it is up to my sisters and I to do the "parenting"... I am overwhelmed right now and wonder if there are any parents of teens out there who would have some insight?

He is trying to exert his autonomy, pushing family members away, and at the same time being more and more reckless and not taking care of himself at all. Lately he has been testing our limits by unleashing anger on us any time he is frustrated over anything, sometimes even for no reason at all, swearing and cursing and saying really mean things. It has caused one of my sisters to stop speaking to him at all. Tonight he called and asked me what the status of our relationship is. I told him I still love him and want to be friends with him and hang out like before, but that in order for me to be able to do that I need to know if he's going to unleash his anger on me or try to be civil when he's frustrated. He responded that he doesn't want to be held responsible for verbal abuse (his words, not mine) and that I'm not worth it if he's going to have to be responsible for what he says to me. In a voicemail message he said he was ready to be done with me in his life.

He knows what he is saying, and he means it. He does not want any relationship that requires him to act a certain way - to exercise any restraint in what he says or how he acts, or to give anything back to the person. That's how he's lost the friendship of one sister and quickly working on the other two. He doesn't have any friends besides us. He basically just wants us to be dumping space for whatever he's thinking and feeling, whenever it's convenient for him. (In the past he's been sweet and kind and caring, and has always been closest to me of any of the family, so it is possible for him to have more contributive relationships - he just doesn't feel like it right now, he's angry about life and taking it out on us and pushing us away.)

But I know that the next day he will probably be calling me up, wanting to talk - not to apologize, or to talk about our relationship or to change anything that he said about not wanting me in his life - but just to nonchalantly have a random conversation as if he hadn't said any of those things. He expects me to always be there, no matter what he said to me the last time. And I am.

So what do you do when someone is pushing you away with what they say, but in reality still wants/expects/needs you to be there for them, but the relationship is emotionally/verbally abusive? He is not a rational adult; he is technically an adult in age but not psychologically - he is more like a 17-yr-old mentally - and has schizophrenia, Asperger's Syndrome, and anxiety disorder - so I can't hold him accountable the way I would anyone else... but I don't know how to respond to him when he tells me things like he is done with me or he doesn't want to be responsible for what he says to me. You can't make someone take responsibility...can you?