So sad for my grandson

((((sabby, grandson, and family))))

Just thinking of you and wanted you to know you are in our thoughts and prayers. I am glad he is opening up and is beginning to talk about how he feels and what he has held in. So glad he came to you and talked. I know it is very difficult for you and him and the family. Thank you for keeping us updated and know we are here for you and listening. Happy Birthday to your grandson. Sending you all many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

Thanks so much ((((((((( eskie )))))))))

Grandson had anger issues well before his dad and uncle passed away. I'm sure those two losses have compounded his anger though.

I'm not sure, but I think his mom mentioned to the treatment team about his losses. I have not had a chance to speak to them specifically about our talk yet, but I will.

He enjoyed his day pass off unit. His little brother was so very happy to see him. It's so cute, little brother does not call big brother by his name, he calls him "brother". It's just so dang cute to hear him say it. He adores big brother!

I'm sorry for what you went through with your mom. I remember you posting about it when you were going through it. I remember how devestated you were with all that went on, or didn't go on. I hope that time has helped to heal some of your wounds from then.

(((((((((( dps )))))))))

Thank you muchly my dear friend. I know you pray for us daily and I so appreciate that! We are so lucky to have you in our lives and standing by us not only during the good times, but the bad times as well. You are a dear dear friend!

xoxoxo

So, yesterday, grandson was supposed to get an "off unit" visit with the family so he could see his little brother and cousin and we could all do a collective birthday celebration. Unfortunately, grandson had a couple of incidents in which he had to be removed from groups and isolated.

We didn't know this and all showed up for a visit with the little ones in tow. They were excited to see grandson and we found out that he could not have his off unit visit. The staff was gracious enough to open up a private room to bring the little ones into so they wouldn't be running all over the place. An adult stayed with the little ones while the rest of us went onto the unit. In a way we almost didn't want to celebrate because there has to be natural consequences for bad behavior.

His mom had a talk with him and explained that his behavior not only effects him but those around him as well. I think that kind of hit home for him. Even though we know he has little control yet, he has been told that the meds help some, but it's his responsibility to work hard on his behavior as well. I do hope he's had time to think about it and come to the right conclusion.

I'm not sure yet if I will make it over to visit him today or not. I may just get the phone number and call him instead. I'm not feeling all that well today myself. We'll see what happens I guess.

(((sabby))) Please remember to take care of yourself.

I think that the hospital should've call your daughter to let him know his pass had been revoked (can't think of a better word). I am sorry you didn't get to have a celebration with him.

That is cute that his little brother, refers to him as brother. My twin step-daughters referred to each other as sisty for the longest time. Now its sissy.

I am glad that he has such good support from you and your daughter. Please know that I am thinking of all of you and you are in my thoughts. Many hugs.

Yep, I'm doing my best to take care of myself, help my daughter, help my grandson etc etc. I'm doing okay though really.

We were upset yesterday that my daughter didn't get a phone call that his off unit had been rescinded. But in thinking about this further I had to be realistic. Here they have a unit of many sick kids from age 5 up to 17. Issues are popping up all the time and in the grand scheme of things, making a phone call was probably pretty low on their priority list. I can understand that!

My daughter was pretty nasty to one of the staff on the unit when he told her the plans were changed. She really embarrassed me and then pretty much demanded that I go talk with them to ask them to bend the rules. I felt like a schmuck doing it, and in talking with the worker she insulted and another one on the unit, they were so pleasant and sympathetic to our situation, but dang it, rules are rules. Grandson and mother need to follow the rules like them or not! And I wonder sometimes where grandson gets his crappy attitude from. *sigh* I can say that I won't be pushed into trying to get anyone to bend the rules again....it was not appropriate and I knew it. I just wanted to apologize to the worker for daughters behavior and to let them know that even though we were disappointed, we understood. He was very gracious.

And the saga shall continue.................................................

maybe daughter and grandson will learn from this. we can only hope! I am here for you anytime my friend!

I remember those days with son (((((((((((((((((((Sabby))))))))))))))))))))) It's so hard on everyone. I wish you strength as you face each day.

Sabby,

Please please can we have an update ? I think of you and your family often .

(((((((((( Tishie ))))))))))))

Well, today is day 21 in the hospital for grandson. It doesn't look like he will be getting out anytime too soon at the rate he's going. He is still having 2+ breakdowns a day. There is some good though. His breakdowns seem to be a bit milder and he seems to be recovering from them more quickly.

I saw him last evening....brought him some Kentucky Fried Chicken for supper. He hates the food at the hospital and I've seen it, I would hate it too! He brought up the subject again of his uncle's death. We didn't talk too long about it, but I gently reminded him that life cycles and we're here then gone. It seems he is struggling with that concept a little bit, and understandably so.

For the most part the visit was positive and his mood was good. But every time I walk out of that facility I just want to throw up.

(((((((((( sabby ))))))))))) (((((((( grandson )))))))))

I bet you do want to throw up ! I would want to as well ....

I was on the receiving end of similar treatment with my son but without him being given the right help. He sounds like he is in the right place hun he really does. As for the breakdowns at least they are seeing just what he and the rest of the family have to cope with so can really direct the help to where it is needed.

I bet he enjoyed the Kentucky Fried Chicken ! I love it ! Tell him you know someone whos nearest one or Pizza Hut or Mcdonalds is over a 130 miles away ! So see how envious I am ! lol

Give him a big hug from everyone here make sure its a great big one and tell him lots of people are thinking/praying for him and all his family.

((((Sabby and Grandson))))

I cannot imagine how tough this is on all of you. It does sound like he is in the right place and getting the help he needs. This also might wake up the school and other officials that he does need help.

He is so lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive grandma. You are all in my thoughts. Hang in there. Try to take sometime for yourself. Sending you gentle hugs.

(((Sabby and family))) I am so sorry for all of the challenges that you are all facing. There is nothing so heartbreaking as a child in need of help and having to depend upon others for that help. I know the frustration well of being the last to know and being livid because if I had known early on his life may have been easier. I live with the guilt and frustration to this day and my son just turned 24.

Hopefully this crisis will be the catalyst that will be the turning point for this young boy’s life. You all are in my prayers. The only advice I can give is in the future be absolutely ruthless when it comes to demanding help. Sadly for many years I deferred to the “experts”. Instead of demanding what my son was entitled to I was grateful for what the school or therapists did. It took a very devoted LD teacher to point out to me that I was the foremost expert on my child and if you let them the programs out there that are intended to help will do as little as possible unless you make them do otherwise. It can be a full time job checking to make sure the appropriate actions are taken.

I WOULD start with a phone call to whoever is in charge of the police department and demand to know what changes have been made to make sure that the right actions are taken in the future. (It can be very therapeutic.)

I am sorry that you were embarrassed by your daughter’s behavior but take heart. Anyone worth their salt in this field understands that the loved ones are under duress and they are seeing you at your worst behavior.

Ah (((((Sabby))))),

Your wonderful diplomacy comes through again.....Know I have learned a lot about diplomacy from you since being a mod with you....think it's been one of the most valuable tools that I am working on improving.....but it does make such a difference in life & relating to others.....something you have always been tops at.....& still going strong with the hospital situation.

Hope that daughter learns from this.....does seem possible that her extreme actions are mirrored in her son.....with a much less ability to control himself in the long run.

Sending you & your grandson & family many 's

Thank you so much for all your good thoughts, prayers and for walking through this with me. It's so good to not feel so alone through this process.

I do so appreciate everyone's input and ideas. There are times when I am unable to see the big picture and I get stuck. Ya'll help bring me around and even come up with things that I wasn't seeing clearly which is quite helpful!

I'm a bit upset that we are having such a nasty Nor'Easter here. Of course, it's supposed to be my day off from work and I would have gone to visit my grandson, but now, I can't because of the storm. I won't be able to see him until Sunday. It would sure be a nice surprise if he could get an off unit visit on Sunday! Hope is a good thing right?

Again, thanks everyone.....I love ya!

Hope is a very good thing! Are you able to talk to your grandson on the phone? Maybe let him know that you would like to take him off unit on Sunday. He knows from last time that if he wants to go off unit he needs to act appropriately. It may help him to have that incentive. Sorry you will miss Easter. Also hope the storm isn't that bad. to you and family!

Had a meeting with his team from the hospital and the mental health clinic that is working with daughter and grandson today. It was a good meeting. Grandson will be released on a conditional release on Thursday evening. YAY! If daughter has any issues with him that she cannot handle, she can bring him back to the hospital without going through the ER through Monday. If the weekend goes alright, he will be discharged on Monday.

He has made some small improvements since being admitted. His blow outs aren't lasting as long or being quite as intense. This is not to say that he isn't having them, because he has at least 2 a day. Sometimes he has to go into seclusion until he regains his control, sometimes he doesn't. He has been more verbal in the respect of being able to discuss what is bothering him which is a good thing.

For weeks they have been trying to help him to redirect with something to do and he has turned down everything but this one thing.....to write poetry! He finds he enjoys writing poetry and he's not bad at it at all. He's written 2 poems so far, one was about "young love" and one about "rejection". The psychiatrist was so impressed with the rejection poem that she took it around to her fellow employees to share it. She thought that it may have been a song he had heard and was trying to get one over on her, but she tried looking up the words and nothing came up. So they are his own words. I'm so proud of him! He is also very proud of his writing as well. Finally, something he is doing that he is proud of!!! He needed this so badly.

The psychiatrist has taken away his diagnosis of bipolar! My daughter is very pleased with that. His two official dx'es are ODD and ADHD. Unfortunately, they have not come up with a drug combination that seems to help him very much though. Of course, my daughter is adament about med amounts and what kinds of meds as well. I just hope she's not biting her nose off to spite her face at this point on the meds.

The mental health team are going to his school with daughter on Friday to discuss with them what is needed for grandson to have a better chance at succeeding these last 2 months of school. Also, they will be getting on them about his IEP which has not been followed as it should have been. He's supposed to have a 1:1 aide for 6 hours a day and they have never supplied on to him. I'm really ticked off about that. But, it will change now! Hopefully it's not too little too late. Psychiatrist will also be available by phone for the conference if she is needed to really drive home what his issues are.

A very hard thing that daughter found out today was that she is basically the reason that grandson is the way he is. It was not meant as a slam. How they said it and what they said was to get her to realize that some of her behaviors have not helped grandson at all. They mentioned a couple of things that I have been telling her for years and trying to get her to stop, but she never took me seriously. *sigh* So, needless to say, she is upset that she hasn't really helped her son but hurt him more. Hopefully this is the eye opener that she needs to be able to make some changes in her behavior that will only better herself and her two sons in the long run.

All in all, it was a good meeting and I feel some relief at this time. I just hope it lasts and he does not fall thru the cracks once again!!

Sabby- thanks for the update. I'm glad the meeting went well.

That is so awesome that your grandson is writing poetry, enjoying it, and good at it. Way to go for him!

I hope that having the medical team with your daughter at the school meeting will also be beneficial.

Hugs to your daughter. It can be very difficult to realize (finally understand) that you may have contributed to the problems that your child is having. I hope she is able to find some help for that and to turn the situation around.

Hoping his conditional release goes well and he doesn't fall through any more cracks.

Thanks for keeping us up todate. As always thinking of you and your family. And sending many hugs your way.

Wow a lot has happened since I last posted. Sorry to hear that he wasn't diagnosed properly for the ADHD ((Sabby)). This must be so stressful for the whole family and I'm happy you feel comfortable sharing this with us. I saw a great special on PBS TV on March break - they put great specials on pledge week lol. It was a documentary called ADD And Loving It - it takes a different look at it. Here's a link to their website and you and your family are in my prayers:

http://www.totallyadd.com/