House Rules

Hi,
I just wanted to get some peoples opinions on house rules. I want to set up more structure in my home and want to post some rules everyone can go by. I have a six year old, a two year old, and a seventeen year old staying in the house.

What are your house rules?

What kinda rules were you thinking? Like a household rota? Or "If Mum says no it means no" sort of thing?

no1) familys that eat together stay together.

More positive ways to say "No running" or "No jumping on the furniture".

Hazel, here is a 30 day family plan. I was a big fan of the Nanny 911 shows, I used to watch them with my mom when I was living with her, and point out to her that I wasn't nearly as bad as THOSE KIDS (for a 53-yr old)! Hope this helps. Day 6 is house rules, but I looked at it, and I think it make more sense to just start with day 1. Good luck!


http://www.parentsconnect.com/parent...nanny-911.html

how we use words in making rules, especially with kids in the concrete operational stages of thinking is important. Human brains are slow to process negatives (that's why the questions on tests with the word NOT in them are usually the trickiest). Keeping it simple and assuming compliance helps too.

We walk in the house
we jump outside
we keep our space clean
we treat each other with respect
we use kind words with each other even when we disagree

That help?
If you get stuck on turning any around into positives put them up. My son has autism so all rules must be in the positive or I am left beating my head into the wall.

Thanks. That is exactly the stuff I am looking for.

Would "no back talking" be under the "we treat each other with respect"? Or what is more positive wording for "no back talking"?

Hmmm... no back talk... my doesn't talk so I sneak by on that one!
That could go under respect but it sounds like there may be a need for something stronger/more directly aimed at back talk.
what kinds of things usually trigger back talk? I think I would try to be as specific as possible:
this is a 0 excuse home
we help when asked
we respect ourselves by taking responsibility for our actions

IMO they do need to be taught a respectful way to disagree or question. I say this because sometimes kids who know better than to back talk to an adult can get hurt when an adult tells them to do something wrong or harms them. There are however respectful ways to do that.

I may be able to come up with something better with some examples.

I have also found it helpful when I have been working on rules for my son to not be afraid to make a really long list at first. Then take a break and come back to decide what are the most important ones and to see if there is a way to put several rules together into one. We don't want to hit our kids with "101 things you can't do in this house" but sometimes, with the right wording you can fit what you are truly trying to get into 10 rules... Seeing everything together helps us sort for patterns, be more specific and condense. The kids don't have to know it is really 101 that magically looks like 10

I know having an autistic son can be rough but let me tell you, you got off easy with the no back talking thing. No offense.

Some examples are: When she is told to clean her room, she will argue with us about going to clean it and say she doesn't want to. When we tell her to brush her teeth, she says "why"? When we tell her why, she comes up with another reason why she can't or doesn't want to.

I want her to be able to voice her opinion on certain issues but I want her to know that some things are non-negotiable.

A positive way to say no back talk, I would think is, Do what you are told to do when you are told to do it. I don't know if that will work for you, but it is a start.

I say "that kind of response is disrespectful and I expect you to apologize and speak to me nicely instead." Then, after the inevitable second bout of back talk I give consequences if the behavior is not done.

As for the teeth brushing, etc. I say "you know, the most unpopular girl in my class was the one who had skuzzy teeth and smelled funny. I hope the kids in your school aren't mean to you like that."

Use peer pressure to your advantage.

Also, I use either/or..." would you like to brush your teeth before your shower or afterwards?" Give them some sense of control, and in a subtle way your expectations are slipped in there.

I have a 17 yr old, and the only rule I can get him to follow is a curfew. Good luck there...no advice to give ya!

Thanks! I am dreading those teenage years!