[Betty_Banana]

My son is a young adult, and also happens to be a drug addict. It's a very long and complicated story that I won't get into.

The bottom line is he NEEDS to move out, but he just will not leave. He always has excuses and uses guilt in order to stay(he's sick, it's cold,he has no where to go, we don't love him,etc.)

I hate that I don't want him in my home any longer, because, afterall, he is my son. But, I need him to leave for my own sanity. I am in a constant triggered state and it's really affecting every aspect of MY life.

I talked to the police, they said If he doesn't leave willingly, the only thing I can do is do a formal eviction. What? I actually have to evict my own child? I am not legally allowed to set his belongings outside and change the locks.

People don't understand. They judge me as an uncaring, horrible mother. I don't want to have to evict my son, but I don't see other options.

Has anyone else been in this situation? If so, what did you do? How did you handle the guilt from kicking your own child out?

Well,another option is to put him in the drivers seat.You could research rehabs,and such things,present them with a list of some changes you need in order for him to remain,and tell him that the outcome of his situation depends on changes & the choices he makes.Can you p.m me on what he is addicted to,his age,and your area? I could help you research different options for him,so that it will come down to the fact that....as happens to all of us,he understands that his choices are his responsibility.This way,in retrospect,he can see that you care,and that he decided the outcome in the end.You can tell him,"I love you,and care what happens to you,I always will.But,these things you are doing (u can list them) are causing emotional turmoil for me,and me supporting your patterns isn't healthy for you either.This is what I want to see from you,and the rewards consequences for compliance are as follows",can include eviction,reduction of assists etc.,but give him a realistic timeline.You can be a bit flexible,and even say ahead of time what bits you may choose to be flexible with.IDK,really,I had these same issues.I didn't fare too well,I understand loving a person (your child),feeling guilty for putting your foot down,and feeling torn about it.The circumstances surrounding my sons issues were a bit different likely as well.

[wanttoheal]

It's so hard when it's a child. But, yes, the only way to get them out is eviction. If they don't pay rent, you can get them out in 10 days. Do you think he would be willing to negotiate a contract to stay? If you do have to end up evicting, keep yourself safe... I believe he is allowed to stay in the house until the day the eviction notice says he has to be out. Make sure to put up valuables, sentimental stuff, etc (depending on your son). Hopefully he would be willing to do stuff to stay (ie rehab, etc).

Been there, am there and it does indeed suck (not so much with drug addiction as mental unwellness and unwillingness to get help). So sorry you are dealing with this. I wish you much strength.

[bebop]

I kicked my son out at 18. he would not work. wanted to party all the time. I finally had my fill and kicked him out with a one way plane ticket for that same afternoon. Yes I had horrible guilt for a long time but now he and I both are so happy I did it. it made him grow up and take responsibility for his actions. now he makes really good money and has a good wife and they are expecting their first baby after almost 16 yrs together. it is tough but you have the power. no I did not evict him either. I kicked him out. tough love is very hard but it does work. good luck and you don't deserve to live like you are having to hon.