Are some things unforgivable?

My foster daughter has just let the loser that is the father of her child move back in with her. Well, I just found out about it anyway. He showed up Christmas morning with the clothes on his back and not a dime in his pocket.

I KNOW that she's lonely. I know it is tough being a single mother. This guy has four children with four different women. My granddaughter is second in the birth order and she is 2 years old. He hasn't done a thing for my granddaughter in her short life. He walked out on my daughter when she was pregnant. He couldn't be bothered to show a bit of interest when my granddaughter was born pre-maturely.

I could forgive someone for dumping on me, I just could never get past someone dumping on my kids.

It makes me very sad. I do not understand how you can still be attracted to someone that has treated not only you so poorly, but your child as well. Maybe I'm just a cold hearted bee with an itch.

She's an excellent mother but this is a really bad decision. He's running from fines in the area that he lived in before. She says she's set up boundaries and if he goes back to his old habits she'll kick him out. She thinks he's changed. I say how much could he have changed if he took food out of his child's mouth by showing up without a thing to his name and expecting her to buy him clothes and cigarettes.

I think I showed a great deal of restraint. When I found out about it I told her I loved her and I understood why she was doing this, but reminded her that she is now teaching her daughter how a man should treat her and to tread carefully (he has been physically and emotionally abusive in the past). She was pretty relieved. My daughter, her best friend since Kindergarden (which is how Amy came to live with us to begin with) told Amy that she would not be a part of Amy's life as long as this loser is in it. I understand that decision (as does Amy) but the whole situation makes my heart hurt. And I want to rip that useless SOB's testicles off so he does not do this to a fourth woman.

I think you would be forgiven for doing THAT... maybe even applauded... I'm sorry this is happening. I remember you had been doing a LOT to help Amy out with the baby, not everyone would do that, but you put the baby's needs first. It may not always seem like it, but you are lucky - blessed? - to have these children in your life.

There is only one thing that is unforgivable, and this is not it. I would have always wondered what would have happened if I would have given him one more shot. At the very least if he messes up again, this will give your daughter a sense of closure when she kicks him to the curb. But she will have to stick to her guns and enforce the ‘boundaries’ she has set.

I would hope it does give her some closure, although I honestly do not see that happening. Amy's biological parents are the definition of disfunctional, she did not have great role models early in her life. She is continuing the circle. She literally had no idea who her siblings were for sure. She saw her mother move from one loser to the next and back to the one last before taking her own life. Her biological father, well I have no words for this man.

I wish that there were some actual reason that this guy came back into her life other than the girl he was with kicked him out and he needed a place to live. This is his MO. Makes the rounds.

I am blessed to have these people in my life. I want my granddaughter to have a better life. I would never bad mouth her father within her earshot, although before this she has only seen him twice so I have a very difficult time calling him her father.

Can you blow the whistle and anonymously inform the area he is running from on his whereabouts?

I have thought of that, but if I do that her anger will be directed at me rather than him. I need to let this run its course and hope she learns her lesson this time. However if he raises a hand to her or my granddaughter he had better pray the police get there before I do.

(((AAAAA))) - you're completely correct in feeling frustrated and angry. Sounds like she has a soft spot for him and probably hoping he's changed or maybe has trouble saying no. All you can do at this point is watch how this unfolds and let her know you'll be there to help but not financially.

A mutual friend suggested that if my attitude toward him does not change, he will not allow me access to my granddaughter. My daughter is smarter than that and I would like to see him try to pull that off. I am authorized to pick her up from daycare, he is not. She has sole custody, his visitation is supervised only (he has never exercised those rights btw). If he tried to flex that muscle it would definately open her eyes.

I cannot say this irl because it would be cruel but: I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!

Amy called at 3:30 a.m. SOB is on his way to jail. I do not have any other details. I do not know if he started hitting her and she called 911 or if he went out and raised hell which brought him to the attention of the local law enforcement (an intelligent person would lay low when you already have warrants out for you but this jerk has never been accused of being intelligent) but he's on his way to jail.

I know it sounds horrible but I truly hope that it was Amy that called the police on him and she is finished with him. If it was the latter, then I am sure she thinks he is the misunderstood victim and we haven't seen that last of him.