Question for Parents

I am not a parent and a little worried about even posting on here because the last time i did it someone got angry with me about it and it just seemed to annoy people. My question is what do i do about my neighbors child that live upstairs from me. She has some behavior and other mental health issues that i have observed. She spends every second that she is awake trying to annoy and provoke me. She has every symptom of O.D.D. She has nothing to do literally. They don't have a TV anymore and it is always quiet up there unless they play music. They sit and listen to everything that goes on in my apartment. She follows me around knowing i don't like it and stomps her feet so i can hear her and drops things over my head and bangs things on the floor constantly. Her parents don't seem to know what to do with her. They keep trying to talk to her and resason with her. The thing is she is using me as her entertainment because she is bored. I want to approach the parents but i don't know what to do or say. I know they are embarrassed and hoping i don't say anything even though i complain loud enough for them to hear. I have not confronted them. Some people think i should go to child services and make a complaint. I'm hesitant because they are not abusive they just don't know how to handle her and don't seem to know much about children. Plus how can i prove that she is in need of help? I can't move i'm not financially able. Also they are my landlords. They are from another country and i think they feel mental illness is a curse, that is what i read. I have articles that i want to give them but my bf said they are going to be mad and offended. What am i to do, just continue being harrassed. I know there are mothers on here that may have children that are defiant, maybe not to this degree, but does anyone have any suggestions?

How old is this child? Does she have toys and books? It sounds like she is attention seeking.

If she is school age or turning school age the school with probably approach them. If their doctor hasn't. Mail, no return address, them with a type list of free and low-cost activities for the summer. Is her birthday coming up? However if they are not interested or unwilling there is not much anyone can do. This does not seem to be severe enough to warrant medical neglect. You don't seem to have a lot of connection to this family so there's really little you can do. I would really stay away from dx'ing anyone. If she's infatuated with you may I suggest setting up a reward system. Where every (time period) she doesn't do (most annoying thing) you'll put a sticker on your door when she gets ( number) stickers she can come down and do an activity. I've always had lots of interaction with neighborhood kids so I tend to treat them like my own. I'll have more suggestions based on age soon.

Ok, i didn't go into detail much because there is so much to say. I had several posts about this topic a few months ago. I come here because i want to see what parents that are going through things with their kids think i should do. The girl is around 13 or 14. She doesn't act her age. She runs around the house and sounds like she's jumping off of things and she stomps her feet like shes marching when she walks. She sometimes yells and hollers for no real reason and sounds like shes talking to herself at times. She does not have siblings. Her parents are from another country that i won't name and they have strong accents and i am not sure how long they have been here but we've been here for over 10 years. Anyway, the girl is very loud like i said and one day at least 5 years ago i complained loudly about it and said i can't have peace in my own home with all the noise she makes. I had went to the parents before about it and asked if they would put down a rug at least and they said they had a rug but they cant because she stomps her feet on the hardwood floor and drops things and i can hear that its hardwood floor that shes making the noise on. They have said things sometimes that make no sense to me and sometimes they do try to act like things are not happening when its clear they are. Anyway after i made the loud comment the girl's noise making got louder and to me sounded like it was being done on purpose. She would listen to where i was and go directly over me and make the noise. This just escalated into her following me around the house and making noise whereever i went in the house. They ignore her and i sometimes here the mother laughing with her as if she is happy about it. The mother doesn't like me. We have had words because she is a rude person. So now the girls every waking moment is spent obsesing over me. I'm not exaggerating. Her whole life is about being over me whereever i am in the house and trying to annoy and provoke me so i will complain loudly. The thing is now i'm not sure if its only to annoy me or is it a actual problem like she can't seem to stop doing it. I say this because she will sometimes not even make noise now, she just has to be over me. Her room is over mine and she sits directly over me and when i get up she follows me and if i go to the bathroom she stands there over me and doesn't say anything or make noise. Sometimes she will tap of walk around a little but the point is why would she do that. Like i said in the middle of the night or early morning hours if i'm up and i go to the computer she will go in her parents room and wake them up to be able to be over me. When i hear them trying to get her to leave she saiys no and she'll start whining. At one point i lost it (actually i've lost it several times i can't help it). And i yelled why do you allow her to follow me everywhere, can i have some privacy, why do you let her wake you up because i'm out here on the computer, i said make her go back to her room and don't let her in. So the next night when i was on the computer i heard all this commotion it sounded like banging and just alot of noise and it was her trying to get in their room and they weren't letting her. Why did i have to be the one to tell them what to do? She went on having a tantrum for at least an hour and then i guess she tired herself out and went to sleep. But like i said she doesn't sleep much because it seems like whenever i'm up she is up and i have insomnia so i don't sleep much. I don't make noise either, i have the tv on mute. They do hear much to well so she will complain if i have the fan on or if i'm eating or even reading they can hear that well, but thats not my fault that the house is made like that. All i want is to live in peace and i don't want a shadow following me. Then, if i'm quiet and she can't figure out where i am in the house she runs around looking for me and then she'll start banging things and stomping her feet she has a tantrum. I'm not gonna lie i have done it on purpose sometimes to prove a point. Just yesterday i had fans on and the tv and she was stamping her feet and dropping things mad because she couldn't hear as well. I managed to sneak out a couple of times and she didn't know it. But she started really listening hard i guess she must have her ear directly to the vent. But i still tiptoed over to the door and then i threw something into the room so she would think i was in that area and when she went in that direction i snuck out the door to go to the bathroom. She eventually came in there. But i mean she uses up all her energy and time to follow me. I think she thinks its a game. I decided to walk back and forth from the kitchen back to my room, then to the bathroom and back to my room etc. just to wear her out and she seemed to enjoy it even though her mother was fussing loudly about it. Her mother acts like i'm the problem instead of looking at the way her child behaves. Yesterday i yelled all loud, do something with your child, she's bored, find her something to do, play a game, do your nails, talk, do something, i am not her entertainment i'm not a toy. I said you need to be spending time with her and keeping her busy so she can stop following me around. I was mad. It went in one ear and out the other because she is still doing it and her mother was laughing about it. The father doesn't seem pleased and they argue all the time. But it seems the mother tries to apease her daughter, she will even listen to where i am in the house and tell her where i am when she is looking for me. She follows her to the bathroom to try to keep her quiet but i can hear her voice, she tries talking low but i hear her. I said loudly what is wrong with you why are you going with her why aren't you stopping her from following me. I said its disgusting to stand and listen to someone when they are in the bathroom. It does nothing to yell and complain they continue to do it. I mean i don't get them. Especially the mother. I can't go to them and try talking because i have said to much out of anger. I admit i handled it bad by losing it but i couldn't take it and the fact that they are allowing this behavior jusf infuriates me. They have no tv so they sit up there in quiet all day and night right over me by the vent in my bedroom. They don't move unless i do. Its crazy and they have no shame, i can't even embarrass them into stopping. I can't move, we don't have the money to right now. I am on disability. I'm just asking does anyone have any suggestions and please don't tell me to move because i can't and please don't put the blame on me because i was living her quietly and peacefully until their daughter started all of this mess, i am not the problem. I didn't handle it well but i'm not the problem. Do you think i can try going to the father or what. I have already downloaded a bunch of articles about dealing with difficult children because she is difficult, she talks back to them and orders them around and basically runs them. I can't understand it because according to people from their culture parents are strict and kids are well behaved. I suspect they realize she has some issues and they feel they can't discipline her, i don't know i'm just guessing. I even looked for people of their culture in the mental health field to talk to but can't find any in my area. Although i may call a couple of places and ask them directly. I'm at my wits end and though i'm mad i am also concerned and i feel they need help learning how to deal with her plus they just need to know that kids need things to do and they need to be involved. I also printed some articles about things to do in the house with your child since they never go anywhere. I am not a heartless person i want them to get some help i want them to learn how to deal with things. I suspect they are having financial problems because they have no cable anymore and they don't go out and they used to entertain alot and they haven't. I know the mother is unhappy that i'm home all the time because she has told my bf that i need to go to a new store that opened and apply for a job. I am on disability. I think that bothers her and the fact we have a tv bothers them i think. I mean i can't imagine just sitting around doing nothing staring at each other and the walls all day. I hear nothing coming from them, they are too busy eavesdropping on me. They are up there arguing right now because the girl is mad that i'm typing i guess she can hear the noise it makes and shes been marching back and forth and slamming things around. If it were up to them they would tell me to get off because its bothering her. They act like everyone has to walk on eggshells because she gets bothered by things easily. I pay rent and i'm in my own place and i'm not living like that. Thanks for letting me vent again and i'm sorry its so very long. I just wanted to try to get all the details in so that you would have a good idea about what is going on. I forgot to mention she has been out of school like half of the year and they were trying to keep her quiet during the day but i could hear her over me. The mother would try to talk low to keep her quiet but i could hear. I don't know what happened but she would go to school and come home sometimes within an hour or two. The mother used to work she stays home now. She also does not have many friends. The few times she has had a friend over she has acted strange, she would holler and run around and jump and the friend would end up leaving early. The last two times she was still following me around and trying to make noise to irritate me and i guess the friends didn't want to spend all day doing that and they ended up leaving. She needs help, she needs someone to teach her the right way to behave and she needs support. I know its not their fault but her parents don't have a clue how to help her.

Also, I wondered if its a form of OCD. I know i shouldn't try to figure out a diagnoses, i know i'm not a doctor i'm just trying to figure out why she would behave like this. I don't know if its just she wants my attention or is it to get her parents attention, is it because she likes the angry reaction she gets, because she gets mad when i ignore her. But i always eventually get mad about something and complain loudly. I do it mostly for the parents because they seem clueless about what to do and i just don't understand why they sit in the house all day even on nice days and do nothing, i hear nothing coming from their place, i just think its strange and its not good for the child. Then i wondered if it has turned into OCD because she will try to get to me even when they have tried to stop her and she has a trantrum. Most mornings lately they have kept her out of her room because she will not let me sleep she can't stand it when its quiet in my place she will start dropping heavy things, slamming things and hollering so they keep her locked out and i can hear a bunch of loud noise and commotion which i believe is her acting out because she can't be over me. I have never seen anything like this and i can't find any thing similar on the internet. I wonder if it could be ocd and if so they would have to get professional help.

Do you feel comfortable with kids? Maybe if you do, you could tell her you'll spend a bit of time with her if she stops all the weird behavior. She definitely sounds like she needs help!

Please sign up for section 8. It'll take a while but you will be able to move

Even in different cultures families raise children differently. We are considered lax in my husbands culture but strict in mine. His sister is laxer than us but it's except-able because she's an only parent. There's all these little loopholes in any culture just like ours.

The other thing you can do is talk to your landlord. It sounds like she probably got suspended from school. The parents are trying, and it does sound like the school professional failed.

Sigh, nevermind. I don't think anyone gets where i'm coming from. I will stop trying to get opinions. I appreciate the two of you that responded but i just don't think you get the magnitude of what i am going through. Nobody seems to care that i'm being bothered/harassed continuously. So I am not going to bring it up anymore. Thanks anyway.

((((Angel)))) i am sorry you are going through this. And I am really sorry if you feel you are not being understood. Do you feel the parents are not competent to care for her? Your thoughts, feekings, observations matter very much.

What does a resolution look like to you? Can you picture it?

I know you mentioned you cannot move so what does a peaceful end to this look like?

Hugs to you

It seems clear that the girl's parents are not going to help. Perhaps you should buy several radios and put them in different rooms in your place so the girl won't be able to find you as easily. She will probably be even louder at first but at some point surely she would give up,

I'm sorry you don't feel understood. I know you want to be able to help the girl, but it's obvious you have talked to the parents and without their support, there is nothing you can do.
Yes you are being harassed, no it's not fair. As much as I am stuck in a pity party rut myself right now, I'm trying to accept that we all have things in our lives that arn't fair. The only thing we can do is "accept the things we cannot change, have the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference." If you can't change your situation (you can't affect her behavior, and you can't move) you need to find a way to accept it. I'd suggest earplugs so you can't hear her following you, and if you already have the tv on mute it wouldn't make a difference, and try to go about your day as you would if she didn't live up there.
And although I know it's probably not right I would be very tempted to go on the computer everytime the couple is 'enjoying' their bedroom time, just because then they will be forced to react to their daughter's desire to follow you. Yes, this may just mean leaving her locked out of the room and having her throw a tantrum, but then the parents would also be suffering some of the consequences their daughter is forcing on you.

..

I would call Child Welfare Services and just make a report. They have to investigate. If the girl has some kind of special needs that aren't being addressed then that would be considered neglect and the social worker can at least plug the family into appropriate resources. It can't hurt to express your concern and see what happens. It seems to me like the family is in denial and the girl needs help. As the mother of a special needs child I think getting help for the kid is the best thing.

Thanks to all of you i appreciate you responding because i do feel very alone in this my bf is not supportive because i think he sympathizes with them because his family has had problems before with his sisters kids and his brothers and child services became involved. The kids didn't end up getting taken away but they were always secretive and wary of outsiders and letting people help with anything. I didn't agree with the way his family handled things and i still don't agree with the way they do things, they deny things and try to act like everythings normal too. They are secretive still and dysfunctional as can be. My family is not perfect but i was in therapy as a teenager and have been on and off ever since and i have to take meds for depression. My mom wasn't thrilled but she didn't try to argue about it she let me get the help i needed. My sisters kids have some issues they are getting help with. I see things very differently then my bf. This whole thing is causing problems between us because i expect him to be on my side and to be upset that i'm going through this and to (gasp) maybe even speak to them about it on my behalf. But he is so passive to begin with he would never do that and plus like I said he feels sorry for them. So here I am in misery basically because she just keeps escallating the level of noise and aggravation because she wants the reaction of me losing it. For the last several days I have not said very much and yes i have had my earplugs in. They are uncomfortable because i have allergies and i have fluid in one of my ears so i worry i may get an infection but i have no choice. They don't even help sometimes. She gets so loud that i can hear her anyway. And her parents sometimes make noise too. The father got up real early the other day and was banging really loud like he was working on something. It was like 730 am or something. The night before we watched a movie until 300 am and the tv was loud but at this point i don't care. I don't try to be considerate anymore like i used to because they allow her to harrass me and do nothing so i don't try to behave like a good neighbor anymore. I used to but i don't care anymore. Then I have a sound machine in the bathroom that i put on full blast either on white noise or waterfall when i go in there. She comes in of course and stomps her feet and bangs and has a fit the entire time. After i turn it off I say you don't have to hear this if you just go in another room. If you follow me in here you will hear this noise. The mother was yelling all loud one time when it was on and all 3 of them were over me, the parents arguing the child having a tantrum. I mean, i'm trying to have privacy plus give her a consequence of following me. They don't do anything. So the other day they had this loud noise i don't even know what it was but i heard it thru my earplugs. It went on for a good while in the morning. Its back and forth, tit for tat. I wouldn't even resort to doing these type of things if i didn't feel i had to. But for them to retaliate when its thier kid thats the problem is crazy. I'm sorry but the entire family needs help they are all a little off. I told my therapist i'm living in a crazy house and i don't know how long i can keep doing it. I'm seriously nearing a breakdown. Because i'm sickly, i'm unhappy with my life, There is just nothing going right at all and i don't even feel like i have a reason to be here. And i can't even have peace in my own home. I have been taking xanax, klonopin, gabapentin, benardyl and other pills to try to knock me out sometimes so i can sleep and not have to be awake. This is how much this is affecting me. And I have no idea what to do. I have been living with this for a few years and it just keeps escallating. We are not doing well financially we have no savings we live check to check. I don't work i'm on disability. My bf doesn't make much. I feel stuck and i really don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this and i can't continue to live like this. My bf and I started seeing a therapist together and she said we should talk to the landlord before we see her next. I have no idea what even to say. I wanted to write a letter but i don't know how well he reads english. Knowing them they will deny everything anyway. I really don't want to call child services because they will retaliate even moreso because they will assume i did it. I am however going to call around to some mental health places and ask their advice, ask if anyone from their culture works there and speak to them about it. I feel if someone they trust tries to tell them that its ok to get help maybe they will agree. But really the parents need help themselves. They are clueless as can be about kids period. Nevermind a kid with special needs. I don't think they were even taught manners and how to treat people with consideration and what is right and what is wrong. The mother is rude as can be. She has said things to me that were so inappropriate, she is nosy and i suspect she has come in my place when we were not there. I now have to put something in front of the door as i leave so i can tell if anyone has come in. And like i said they sit up there in silence. No radio on or anything. From the outside the house looks dark like nobody is home. Sometimes we would think they were not home and we would talk and go about our business and then out of nowhere once we finished talking you hear them start walking around and talking. They were there all the time just listening. They are strange I tell you. And I have no support except my therapist. I need to be working on other things with her but i am so stressed out that i spend the time talking about this and telling her i don't know how long i can do this. I really almost took my meds and was going to go elsewhere to take them all and be done with it. I just took enough to sleep though. Its a struggle. I don't need this. Thanks for allowing me to vent and i know you say well there is nothing you can do about it but deal with it and i know that but i still have to talk about it. I am hanging by a string, my life doesn't seem worth living. I told my bf the same thing. He gets an attitude and says well why do you have to keep talking about it we can't do anything. I told him fine don't listen but i'm telling you i'm near the end of my rope and i mean it. I don't want to scare him, well maybe i do so he'll understand the seriousness of my state of mind. Maybe he will try to figure out how the hell we are going to get out of here. I can barely function, i can't focus on anything. I have been trying to make phone calls, set up dr appts, and do laudry and other household things all week and have done nothing. Partly because i'm not physically well but also cause i can't focus. I need him to step up. I am not well and i'm falling and i need his help his support. I don't know what i'm going to do if he can't be there for me. If the both of us can't handle anything then i don't know what is going to happen.

I would tell the parents about the noise (rather than start with a direct complaint about the child) and ask them to install carpeting in their space; that's not an unreasonable demand, most multi-story professional apartments require a certain degree of carpeting. That would get rid of some of the noise.

My bf tried that already and i wasn't happy. He asked the father if he had heard any noises in the house because he was hearing alot of loud noise. Of course the father said no he heard nothing. I was pissed. I'm sorry but i feel we need to be direct. We all know where the noise is coming from and why everyone is at each others throats and we all know that they need to find away to control their child. I don't really know how to say that in a nice way. There is no way to sugar coat it. I cannot be subtle with them because they are already in deep denial and my avoiding them and trying not to confront them about it has not helped. Instead they are taking advantage and not doing a damn thing, not trying to keep her from following me, not telling her to stop making the noise, they do nothing. They have to be told that we know they are having some difficult times with their daughter and while we sympathize we cannot continue to live the way that we are. I cannot continue to be harrassed. They have to find a way to keep her from bothering me somehow. And since they don't have a clue how to do that they need to get professional help and advice on what to do and how to handle the situation. I know they are going to be offended and angry but i'm pretty angry myself because everyone is going on about their business while she tries her best to torment me and no one gives a hoot. They are going to have to figure out something or I am going to be a problem. It is not like she doesn't know what she is doing. She is well aware that she is annoying me, that is her mission. She is not happy unless i'm upset. I've had it. I know she is probably angry and frustrated with her life and i do feel for her that her parents don't know much about kids and what to do with them and how to guide them and teach them how to live. But she can't take her anger out on me. I have problems too. I'm sick of those 2 adults acting like they are afraid to tell her she can't do something for fear she'll have a tantrum. I tried to ignore this but it is out of control and i am paying rent i deserve to live here in peace. Again, i understand she has some behavior issues and they don't know how to get her to behave especially since they can't even punish her by taking something away. There is no TV, and i don't think they do anything up there except sit by the vent in my room and listen to my tv or listen to me and follow me around. She doesn't have friends and she doesn't go outside. How do you discipline her? Thats why they need professional advice. If they don't want to get the help and they continue to allow her to make my life miserable i am going to become a problem. I already go sit at the computer on purpose so she will bother them but its not interfering with their couple time because the mother stays in her bedroom. They are attached by the hip. Wherever the girl goes so does the mother. I already have the sound machine in the bathroom that i use and that makes them mad and if i leave the tv on too late that makes them mad but they still are not trying to stop her from bothering me. So i don't know what else to do. There are people on the floor over them but its their relatives so i guess they just deal with it because i know they have to hear everything too. I figured if i'm annoying everyone in the house maybe they will do something but you know what, i don't think they will. I just don't even know what to say about them anymore, i just get disgusted by the whole situation. Anyway i know everyone is sick of hearing it and i know i'm long winded so thanks for allowing me to vent since i can't vent to anyone else except my T once a week. Oh and by the way putting carpet down wouldn't solve anything because she will find another way to make noise. She already yells and makes sounds through the vent and she'll just start banging on that, or the walls and she follows me around and makes noise where ever i go in the house. She wants to upset me that is her main goal so she'll do other things to accomplish that. I feel sorry for her i really do that she has such meaness in her at such a young age. But her mom is the same way so. I just keep praying for her and for them. Because like everyone has said, i can't change anything.

Well what I can gather from this is that a direct confrontation is needed. It's not helping any to just yell at them from your apartment because it seems to aggravate them so they want to retaliate. What I would suggest is to just march right up there and tell them what you have told us. If they don't get it at first, go collect yourself and then go back the next day. Tell them that you are paying rent and you have certain rights and they are not being respected.

I feel like they maybe don't understand what the problem is because it never has been addressed directly. You are assuming they can read your mind about your frustrations, when they may just think that YOU are being the problem by being a "cranky neighbor". There seems to be a huge breakdown in communication here, with both parties just getting mad and stewing about it and nothing getting done. At this point I wouldn't even worry about being nice about it, just tell them matter-of-factly that it is unacceptable behavior and it is bothering you and they have to correct the issue.

I wouldn't bring up the fact that you think she has mental problems. It seems like it would offend them and cause a further breakdown in communication. Perhaps you could make a letter that states something like, "I have certain medical conditions that require peace and quiet. There is a lot of noise coming from your apartment. Please respect my privacy and my health by discontinuing the noise. Thank you." and slip it under their door every time the girl starts making a racket. You shouldn't just have to live with it if it is causing you such distress. A solution needs to be reached because everyone sounds miserable.

As for CPS? Not a good idea at all. You have no proof that they are abusing her in any way and it would cause undue hardship and grief on the family, who seem to already be in distress.

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation." ~Oscar Wilde

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I certainly understand being annoyed by noisy neighbors, but I cannot begin to comprehend your frustration with this situation.
I have some suggestions, and I really hope that at least one of them will work for you, because you are absolutely right. Your young neighbor needs help, your living environment has become toxic, and you deserve to live peacefully in the space you pay good money to lease. Despite the house of horrors, please know that you are loved, and that your existence is full of beauty.

Suggestions:
1. Soundproofing your Apartment
-It will help dampen the noise you transfer upstairs, making it harder for her to follow you.
-If you have downstairs neighbors, it will help dampen the noise you transfer to them. I don't know if this is the case, but if you have people living below you, this situation might be just as horrible for them.
-It will dampen the noise the girl makes, perhaps not by much, but it might help you get some more uninterrupted time.
-It will give you something to focus your attention on. If you have even a cheap set of headphones(not earbuds, because of the ear infections you suffer from) and an ipod, you might be able to tune out a lot of her noise while occupying yourself with a hammer and soundproofing materials.
-While you will spend some time and money, it is much less expensive than paying a fee for voiding a lease, putting down a deposit and rent for a new apartment, and the expense of moving to a new place.
-It is an opportunity to connect with your boyfriend in an activity that is proactive. It seems that he has been unsympathetic to your frustrations, and while I don't blame you for complaining about this situation, he might be tired of having the same conversation over and over.
-It will cost. Mostly time. I’m not sure how much time you have on your hands, but as it seems you spend a significant amount of time being driven crazy by the noise and trying to figure out ways to make it stop, maybe you could try to reassign some of that time to soundproofing. Depending on what option you choose, how much you have to invest, and how effective you want the soundproofing to be, you could spend a lot of money on prefabricated materials, or you could spend next to nothing. Cardboard is a super sound insulator when it is oriented and fastened correctly. If you are unclear on how to install cardboard sound insulation, message me, and I’ll send you some resources. I’m an architecture student, and I have never, ever had to buy cardboard, but I use it almost every day. Cork is another material that is a great sound reducer, and it will take less cork to do the same job as cardboard, so you could save time and space. But it is pricey, and you mentioned that finances are tight.
-If you have zero construction experience it might take some getting used to the tools you would need to do this job. But if you have ever used a hammer, a drywall knife, or a screwdriver without hurting yourself, I have no doubt you could pick it up quickly. You mentioned you are on disability, so I am not sure how mobile you presently are, but perhaps enlisting help from the bf could help you here.
-It will have an impact on the amount of available space you have. It will take anywhere from 1 to 18 inches off the height of your ceilings.
-It can’t stay in the apartment when you do have the resources to move out. Everything that you put up will have to be removed before you go unless you have consent from the landlord to leave it.

2. Engage your neighbor
You have been living in this apartment for several years now, and I’m sure that you’ve come across this girl before she started harassing you so vehemently. Next time you are sitting at the computer and she stands right above you, knock on whatever you can find and ask, “Hello? Anybody home?” and see if she’ll respond. Try your hardest not to become angry, but remain playful, especially your tone. She has made her life revolve around you. While that is clearly not healthy for either of you, she has fixated on you and it’s not going to get any easier unless you know why. Her social skills might actually be so underdeveloped that she doesn’t realize her actions are distressing you. She may just feel the need to be close to you for whatever reason. If she can’t hear where you are, she might be worried and scared that something has happened to you, or that she won’t have anyone to play with anymore, since her parents are clearly not stimulating enough. She might be dropping things to see if she can nudge you out of hiding, not as a way to make you mad, but much in the same way a kid interrupts me in the middle of a conversation wanting to play. Their world view is not very expansive. If it is all a game to her, change the conditions of the game so that you are in charge of the outcome. Whether you like it or not, you react to her movements just as often as she reacts to yours. Your life has been so dramatically altered that you can’t even go to the bathroom without wondering if she has her ear pressed to the floor. I’m not suggesting that you try and accept her behavior and do your best to ignore it, but rather initiate the connection through the floorboards and direct the conversation that follows.
Have you ever spoken directly to the girl about her behavior? I don’t mean yelling aloud from the floor below to stop stomping. I mean, have you ever had a chance to introduce yourself, sit down together, and ask her what she likes to do for fun, and what is fun about dropping things on the floor?
If you haven’t, I’d strongly suggest doing so. Ask the parents if you can come over and meet their daughter, because you’d like to find a solution to the noise problem. If they refuse, try not to become accusatory, but let them know how hard it has been to sleep, work, and enjoy your beautiful space. That you want to figure out what will work best for everyone, and that you think including their daughter in the discussion could really help to determine a happy solution for everyone. They may still refuse, but don’t give up. If you see them in the hallway, smile, speak politely, and ask again. Don’t give up! A lot of times, how you say something is much more important than what you are saying. It might be, because you mention the family is from another culture, the mother responds to tone more than words. If all she hears is you angrily addressing her daughter, she is less likely to work for common ground. But if she can witness you treating her and her daughter kindly, and patiently, it can go a long way. It might be tough to be cordial, but try looking towards the rewards you will reap once you are all on good terms.
When I have seen children with severe cases of opposition or hyperactivity, I've noticed that negative reinforcement does nothing to deter their actions. Giving in to every demand isn’t an option either. What works for me with kids like this is to engage them for a reasonable amount of time, but with limits set for before and after. Like, “Hannah, I’d love to play space invaders with you. But I can only play one level, because I promised your aunt Maggie I would help her in the kitchen. Let me finish talking to uncle Ted here, and I’ll be there in 6 minutes.” I always pick a number that I know is just a little bit longer than I expect something to take, but never a typical 5, 10, or 15. It’s something we here all the time, and so it doesn’t hold much weight. 6 minutes is very concrete, so a child will sit by the clock and watch. If she continues to bother me, I’ll say, “I agreed to play but only as long as I could finish my conversation. If I can’t finish it, I won’t be able to play.” I'm not a health professional of any kind, but I have ADHD and anxiety. My understanding of my own condition has helped me better relate to kids with similar behaviors.

3. Get out of the apartment.
I am not suggesting moving, but spending more time outside of the building doing activities outdoors, with friends, family and anything else you can think of to distance yourself from the source of your stress. I don’t know how much time you are in the apartment, but if you can join a book club, schedule a weekly dinner out with a group of friends, or connect with a community garden, after a while, your neighbor might find something better to do with her time. This is tricky though, because we all know she needs a better way to learn and play, and removing the object of her focus (you) from her life, could backfire. But please understand you are not abandoning her. You are not her toy, and you are not her parent. While she needs structure, you can’t control how a parent raises a kid. All you can do is ask, ask again, report any abuse you think is happening, and then take care of your own well being.

4. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation
I get the sense that you are sick of people telling you to try and ignore her, or just accept that there is nothing that you can do about it. I agree with that feeling of frustration, but those suggestions aren’t invalid. You can choose to accept and ignore, but only if you have the tools necessary to cope with this major stressor. Do some research on mindfulness and meditation. It has helped me enormously in the past few years. I don’t know if you will benefit from practicing this, but at the very least, it has the potential to lessen the physiological effects of stress. This can keep you healthier, because it’s so much easier to become ill when you are under unreal amounts of stress.

I hope that you can find a way to fix this situation. Your well being is too important to let this continue. Let me know if you want some info or tips about soundproofing, and best of luck.