[di meliora]

Anissa Anderson Orr writes about the pluses and minuses of helicopter and free range parenting.

“Both styles have benefits for child rearing,” says Michael Assel, PhD, an assistant professor of pediatrics at The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston (UTHealth) Medical School. Assel and his colleagues at the Children’s Learning Institute have studied the effect of early maternal interaction on children’s later achievement. He calls the conflict between helicopter and free-range parenting a “false dichotomy.” Most parents don’t adhere strictly to one style or the other, and they shouldn’t. “In reality, parents need to be both a free-range parent and a helicopter parent, but at different times.” http://www.uthealthleader.org/index/...6-8405477a8fac

Parenting from the middle:

While there’s little research on the long-term effects of either parenting method, “There is strong evidence that warm and nurturing parents have a positive effect on cognitive, social and language development,” Assel says.

What does that mean for parents? Try to find a balance between the two philosophies, say Assel and Love, and remember that each child is different. One child may need more freedom and another child may need more guidance. Achieving that balance takes time and patience from both helicopter and free-range parents. Parents who tend to do everything for their children may struggle with letting them accomplish tasks by themselves. Parents who are more free-range may have to occasionally push their children to do something important. It isn’t easy.

“One rule of parenting I always go by is to ask yourself, “What’s the hardest thing I can do right now?” Assel says. “If it seems hard, you are probably headed in the right direction.”

My parents were helicopters for the most part. My Dad, however, often would assign a task to be done with little or no instruction on how to accomplish it. The strict structure impeded my social development and ability to make decisions. Then again, there was a lot of trauma in my upbringing.

[lynn P.]

Thanks for this very good article. I like to be in the middle of the two styles because each one has their drawbacks IMO. I've heard of helicopter parents calling their kids professors/Deans and calling potential employers after job interviews. Kids raised under Helicopter parents end up being adults who have trouble making decisions independently and being too depended on their parents.

The free range parent is the opposite but I do support some of what they advocate, such a independent playing that's not so structured. Kids need time just to be kids and some parents have them involved in too many outside sports....where they don't have time to just play. I'm now starting to see the benefits in my own girls - both are well rounded and independently take responsibility for their grades. They also know they can depend on me, if they need help and guidance.

I'm sorry you had an over bearing father. My husband was starting to show signs of being too strict and tough. Over the years I have become the primary parent and he's mellowed somewhat. Funny thing is, I also trained my dog and she also turned out great lol. I feel all potential parents should take Positive Parenting classes.

As in most things in life, moderation is the key.