"Shallow"???????

Amazing that things which used to knock me down in the past, only make me stronger, in a more disciplined way... now.

My personal evolutionary process as an individual has been commingled and dependent on growing and learning with my now adult kids. I learn so much from them.

Have a question here.

Story: Son has a 7 yo son. Daughter has 3 yo son.

Son felt my daughter (in a divorce and pursuing doctorate in behavioral science now...who is generously supported monetarily by her soon to be ex) would welcome good hand-me-downs from his son.

Gave her a large bag of washed, folded, clothing sizes 4,5,6 on Thanksgiving with his hopes that she would appreciate them (kids clothes are so expensive!)

She tossed it in a closet.

Recently, my son asked if the warm winter clothes were keeping the little one warm.

Daughter: "I threw them out. The bag smelled like cat urine. I don't have the money to wash all that".

Son: deeply hurt. Had hoped someday, he might have another kid, thought they could swap? Also...he thought...he hoped....he's very angry!

I ain't sayin nothing! They're 35 and 36 years old! Not my yob....but

I feel terrible. I feel my daughter is very shallow, and that hurts me to feel that. My son works very hard for a living...is a gentle, caring dad...
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Anyone? I know I haven't reached out in awhile--Once thought I knew it all, but I know now, I never will... the character, integrity of my children... Hurts to think she is shallow...I mean...I keep telling her, "I knew you before you were born"

Any insight from veteran parents/grandparents would be helpful here...this hurts me...

Thanks?

Oh my goodness, why would she tell him that?!? Even IF they DID have an odor, you would politely say yes, thank you they are!

Thank you ...no, she said it was the bag itself; she never even checked the contents.

My son has a cat, I am certain the clothes did not smell of urine; he told me sadly that he, himself had washed, dried, and folded them all carefully before placing them in the bag.

Also, my daughter did do what you said when he first asked her ((((((((AAAAA)))))))--

then she couldn't sleep all night. She felt very guilty about the lie, you see.
I never countered lying from my children, not even "little white lies" used to spare the feelings of others. "Either tell the truth or say nothing at all"... "Oh what a tangled web we weave"--yes?

She texted him the next morning and told him the truth...he was deeply hurt. She said she felt awful about lying...he was still hurt all the same...she became nasty...and on it goes...

Sorry, but, in a world where so many have no clothes, or food, or home?--why would someone throw out perfectly good childrens' clothes? They could have been rewashed; for myself? I found her act as atrocious as wasting good food. I said/will say nothing.

Anyone else have some insight here for me? It hurts.

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I'm with you on the lying thing. Except when it would hurt someone's feelings. I cannot lie. Do not ask me if I like your new haircut or outfit if you do not want to know the truth. Because this has created so much conflict in my life (people think I'm cruel, a *****, etc) I've taught them that in some situations you may be forced to bend things.

I have no idea why she wouldn't have put them in another bag and donated them. I guess the only person that has that answer is your daughter. I also believe that you are wise to stay out of it.