new baby isolation

I had a baby a few months ago. There are many people around me yet I feel very much alone. My life completely changed and no one can understand me. I feel like people are hurting me with everything they say or do. I guess I just wanted some support, it is such a difficult time.

I'm sorry, but I have an idea how you feel. Adjusting to a baby is difficult, especially with no support. I would bundle mine up and go out in public, so I wouldn't feel so alone.

Is there a possibility you might be suffering from some post-partum depression or some such issue? I suggest you call your doctor and tell him/her what you said.

Thanks Payne - no depression as far as I can tell, it's just hard how my life has changed. Because of the baby I am unale to do so many things I used to like, including sports and my work. Breastfeeding keeps me tied down to a schedule (unable to get away from the baby) and living in a village doesn't help either. I am now trying to wean and get a car, eventually these will probably help slowly, but at the moment it is still difficult.

hey there hon

you know, with a first baby, no matter how desperately the baby was wanted, no matter how deeply the baby is loved, as you've found out, it's a huge life-adjustment and therefore a big shock.

i'm glad you've reached out here and glad you're looking to the future as regards weaning and a car etc. the best way to get thru is to remind yourself that the early feelings of isolation wont last forever.

and maybe you can take some pleasure in watching your baby make simple but beautiful mile-stones. nothing beats the first smile, first gurgle, first attempt to crawl, toddle, hand-feed etc. and it helps a stressed-out new mom to realize the precious gift they have in a child.

good luck to you hon and 's

I remember how surprised I was when I had my first child and couldn't even get a shower until the afternoons in the beginning. I was exhausted, too, from lack of sleep. Yes, the little ones are a lot of work, but we were, also, when we were small and couldn't do anything for ourselves.

I did have a husband who had a somewhat flexible work schedule, so I was blessed to have some help. That's not an option for many people.

One thing about it, if it's any consolation, over time they will become more and more independent. Just try to hang in there.

By the way, are you able to afford a reliable and good babysitter every now and then? Just getting away for awhile can help recharge your batteries.

Get a sling for the baby and go for a walk. Or, get a jogging stroller and start running. Are there groups for new moms in your area? If not, try one on the internet - there are lots of them. Your baby is too young for being weaned. Try other approaches.

Also, "I feel like people are hurting me with everything they say or do. " does sound like a symptom to me. Maybe of depression. Not sure. But it seems to go beyond the new baby adjustment.

how do you know? how many babies have you had? i've had four live births and the "right" time for weaning changes from decade to decade! are you a proffessional in the field of baby care? just asking!

Thanks everyone - the baby is almost 6 months now. Still "new" baby to me in that it takes so long to adjust to this new state of things. And in this period of time I have not had a break, so am probably really worn out and exhausted in general, maybe that's why I am rather short with people these days. But it is also true that people close to me can't completely understand and sympathise with how tired and isolated I am and what it takes to relentlessly breastfeed and look after a baby all day - and night. My husband goes to work every day, so he is still doing his usual things, meets real people and has his old schedule. It is as though hardly anything changed for him while everything changed for me. Also my parents live in another country so it's hard without their help - but even then, they seem to care a lot about the baby but not really about how I am. When I'm looking after a baby full time I'd really need someone to look after me!! Just getting back to my usual things, going back to work and having a holiday would go a long way, I think. These are all really good suggestions, thanks for all. I just need to make small changes to fit in the things that make me feel like myself again! Before the baby I was a very busy person with a career, and this new state of things (being a mom at home alone) is entirely alien to me. You lose (touch with) who you are.

Make sure you breastfeed in bed. This way you might fall asleep and be refreshed afterwards. Breastfeeding should be enjoyable and not feel like work. Your adverb choice, relentlessly, conveys that for you it feels like work.

I quit a full-time job when my first child was born, and if I were healthy enough, I'd love to have another one. Most of my friends were from work, for example, so I truly do understand what you are saying.

Hang the baby in the sling on H when H comes back home from work. They can go for a walk. It would be good for both baby and H. And, you will have a moment of privacy.

I'll definitely get a jogging stroller, that would be amazing. As far as I know they are expensive but probably worth it in the long run. Thanks for all the ideas and sympathy, much appreciated! I think it is becoming more and more realistic to put them into practice now that the baby is a little older. A few months ago I would just collapse and sleep whenever I could. Sleep and feed, basically.

"probably worth it in the long run." no pun intended? I am sure they are worth it.

"Sleep and feed, basically." that is normal and not a cause for concern. It is important to get enough sleep. So are you able to sleep while feeding?

no, I could never sleep and feed at the same time. I never worked, I just have to sit upright, unfortunately. But baby has started on solids so -- it will all change quickly.

Then I can easily see why you are so exhausted. Breastfeeding takes hours and hours during the day, and if you have to be sitting upright, that will sure be exhausting on you. Try breastfeeding on your side, even without sleeping, to be more relaxed and rested.

Also, look up the dangers of prolonged sitting in general. Try not to sit, but instead, stay in bed, or stand, or walk, or run. Try to avoid sitting whenever you can. When you feed your child in the highchair, stand next to the highchair, do not sit.

Blimey, increased risk of death in three years? Nice. Definitely getting that stroller...

Are you having sex or do you feel too touched out for that?

I am qualified in child development, child health, child psychology and special needs.

sleeping whilst feeding a baby is dangerous, you could unconciously roll over and suffocate the baby or the baby could choke, he could roll of the bed or you could drop him as when you sleep your arm muscles relax too!!!!

babies can be weaned from 4 months of age so your baby is well within the weaning age. once weaning is giving your baby a decent feed you should find he is happier for longer between feeds giving you a little more respite to catch up on housework or going out with him.

sleep yourself when your son has his nap times, don't try to rush around doing everything before he wakes up.

babies learn independence by having awake time on their own... ok in the same room with you keeping an eye on them, but not with you holding them or entertaining them.... this only leads to clingy insecure children.

the world will not end just because you haven't cleaned the house or washed the dishes before your H comes home.

take the same walk at the same time on the same days, this way people who you pass regularly will get to know you and may even start to stop for a chat. even a "hi" or a smile from a passer by is better than staying indoors alone.

try and find out if there is a mother and baby/toddler group near by, babies are never too young to socialise and you will find others in a similar position as yourself to talk to.

try talking to your H and tell him that you have been told that babies need to spend an hour with their daddy every evening to form a good bond with them... who knows he might just believe it!!!!

children need eye contact, standing to feed a child who is lower down than you are gives wrong messages to the child, it should be a time to interact with your child, make mealtimes relaxed, fun times, it is not possible to do this if you are towering above the child. Also your child is more likely to choke on the food as they do not have their head and neck in the right position to allow food to go down easily. how would you feel having to eat looking at the ceiling???