[bootsiepries]

I'm trying to connect with my two year old this morning. Our usual agreement to have a tantrum free zone isn't working. I find it helpful when I am able to take it slow, resting when I can, communicating as we proceed with each task, keeping a focus on the positive. These things have helped me make it through the challenge of the terrible two's. What has helped you?

[Travelinglady]

Knowing it wouldn't last forever!

[yellowted]

give clear instructions and explain what is going to happen at each stage of the day, both the right now and the then.

have a place where you put you child whilst they are tantruming, e.g your bedroom floor, as soon as you see a tantrum developing ask your child if they need to go to your bedroom to calm down before you carry on discussing the subject in hand.

praise the good behaviours, ignore the bad (by placing child on your bedroom floor if necessary)

a star chart may help reward good behaviour with a star on a sheet of paper attached to the fridge/kitchen wall, reward five stars with a favourite story at bed time, ten with a choice of film to watch or a trip to the park, etc!

explain whilst your child s calm that when you see them crying/shouting at you .....you feel really sad and hurt, you don't like feeling like that, and ask is there anything the child can do so you don't have to feel sad/hurt/upset. reinforce this by looking sad rather than cross when a tantrum arises, stick out your bottom lip, frown, pretend to cry if need be, you will be suprised how effective this is!

be consistant, no means no , no matter how much the child screams or crys or hits out. if you give in at any point the child will learn that if they want something they have to scream/cry/hit out to get it!

try planning a 'treat/fun activity' for the evening, tell the child this plan over breakfast, but add to it that you will only do it if there are no tantrums during the day! it doesn't have to be a big treat, a cuddle under a blanket with daddy after supper or fifteen minutes of favourite tv/dvd before bed or a favourite story at bedtime will suffice. during the dat when tantrums are brewing, remind the child of the plan. be prepared to not give the treat if there are tantrums during the day, this will cause another tantrum, but after a few days the child will learn being good gets rewards, having tantrums does not.

listen to your child, sometimes they have valid reasons for why they don't want to do what you say!

try to give your child choices as often as possible ...do you want to wear red socks or blue ones, do you want weetabix or weetos for breakfast, should we have lunch then go shopping or go shopping then have lunch, should we go left or right at the end of this road(great one if the streets are in square grids!) do you want to go to bed at 6.30 or 7 oclock..... these not only help the child feel in control of their life but also allow for 'but that is what you chosse' if tantrums arise!

just remember the terrible twos are tiny in comparison to the know it all terrible teens!

[AAAAA]

Each child is different, but the thing that worked with all of mine were clear and consistant boundaries. All of mine learned right away I did not respond to fits. If you're going to throw a fit, you'll do it in your room. The positive re-enforcement works wonders. Children are clever little things. They will push those boundaries as far as they can. We had our niece and nephew for several months. Before living with us they had never learned the word no, they had no structure in their life. It was utter chaos. With the two of them that gave me six children under the age of 7, we had to have rules. They came around literally within days. But if their father ever came to visit, watch out. They reverted immediately back to their bad behavior. My BIL asked why they misbehaved with him. Because he let them and because he wasn't paying attention unless they were misbehaving. They will get their attention one way or another, why not make it a pleasant experience?

[Travelinglady]

As Yellowted says, remember that giving in once when they are pitching a fit means they will try it again and again. Just like never giving in when they ask for candy at the check-out counter. You might also not reward a whiny voice by not giving in to that. You can tell them you will not give in--and they can whine and kick and scream until Doomsday. It does take a lot of patience and the ability to tune out sounds, though.