need advice from parents of teens

Hello all,

I took my 14 year old daughter to her pediatrician because she is having difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. This has been going on for several months and we've tried most traditional remedies but to no avail. She also has a long history of daydreaming when she should be paying attention such as when she is in school. As I have ADHD, my first thoughts were perhaps she has the same.

The doctor suggested melatonin and to wait and see if this helps.

On the drive home, she and I were talking and she mentioned that some of her friends at school notice her lips moving when she talks to herself. I tried to dig a little deeper but it didn't work. She told me "No offense mom, but it's non of your business." I explained that I was only trying to get a sense of the topics that she was thinking of when the self talk happens, not any actual thoughts. She didn't want to talk about it any more except to say that she feels like she has no control over it.

Do any of you have a teen who talks to them-self? Is this normal? I don't want to jump the gun and assume that trouble is brewing if this is a normal thing.

I don't have kids but part of my job is working with teenagers so I do have a decent idea of what it's like.

Some of the self-talk can be normal. A lot of teens are looking at their lives and the 'fantasies' of who and what they want to be. This can often involve self-talk and could possibly be the cause. Most grow out of it by 15-16 years.

If it is ongoing though or those daydreams etc. are causing ongoing issues with her school and routines, which it seems they might be, I would keep an eye on it. Maybe also mention it to the doctor just so they are aware.

The hard thing with teens is that it is almost impossible to force them to open up about their thoughts and feelings. She will need to get there in her own time. The best thing you can do is just continue to be supportive like you are and let her know that you are always there for her if she ever wants to talk and that you will not judge her for what she is feeling or thinking.

Have you ever heard of maladaptive daydreaming? There are a couple of on-line groups which discuss this and I think there is much debate about what it all is, but I thought I'd pass along the idea to you. You can google "excessive daydreaming" and a link comes up with the title "are you daydreaming your life away." That might be a good place to start if you're interested in this.

There is no way for me to know what's going on with your daughter, but if she identifies with this group, it might be helpful for her to read about it. Of course, it could be something totally different with your daughter. I would caution you to not jump to any conclusions as the teenage years brings many changes.

Here's the link:

Home - Are You Daydreaming Your Life Away?

Is she an only child? I am and I talk to myself a lot. I'm 31.

Good advice from everyone so far. Since you have ADHD I think you should have your daughter screened for it too.....often it runs in families and she may be trying to concentrate when she's mouthing words to herself. There's a man at work who talks to himself a bit when he's programming this automed machine, but I understand why he does it - he trying to be super accurate in his concentration and lives depend on his accuracy.

Could be her lack of concentration is affecting her school work - how are her grades? Its also important for her to be on a regular sleep schedule and being on the electronic devices can be tempting to be on late at night. Be careful not to take more of the melatonin - even though its natural it should be taken as prescribed. Hope things get better and you're a good parent for being concerned.

I'm a 35yr old married mother of two and not only talk to myself on a regular basis, I talk absolute crap and pull faces at myself in the mirror because it keeps me amused. Seriously.

I wouldn't worry too much about your daughter for now.

Thanks for all the replies.

In the coming month, I'm going to ask her pediatrician for a referral to a psychologist.
My pdoc said to me that she should see a psychologist and not a psychiatrist as most psychiatrists don't take enough time to get to know their patients well.
If the psychologist deems it necessary, then we will proceed to a psychiatrist.

hi
I have 14 yo who does very well in school,has friends,but i have seen her talking to herself,mostly discussing something or expressing her ideas.I was worried a little,but if she continues to maintain good grades and have healthy friendship i think it is part of growing up. Our generation had more communication then our kids (face to face).NOw they are in front of screen a lot for communication, which impairs interpersonal communication,so they end up having more anxiety issues. As for talking to teens...I have 14,12 and 8 yo,trust me ,it has been a cause of my insomnia at one point. They will not share if forced,so keep being open minded and available and they will come around

Yellowfrog268 I'd love to know how your daughter is (and you are) doing. I am pleased that you decided to see a psychologist and I hope you did some further research - there are so many kinds of schools of psychologists and so many truly have much better training than others.
On the one hand - I say if you can't talk to yourself, who can you talk to. But on the other - accompanied by the other behaviors - we go to the doctor for guidance. There is so much about learning to be human we can get some good guidance from a professional when needed! Sometimes we find that a few visits offer us the insight we need, but so often we need to learn to trust the psychologist and then the work begins. And its work for the parents, too. Good luck.