what happened. ug.

I posted this to the depression forum as well, then realized it may get more feedback here. Thanks.I was doing really well. Started a new medication. Over the past week or two (been on the med for about 2-3 weeks) I've been able to recognize when I start to feel overwhelmed and stop myself, prioritize what needs to be done, say a handful of positive affirmations and move past it. I have 3 kids, 1,5, and 10. Husband is often away at work or school. I am often alone. My middle child has type 1 diabetes and I suspect ADHD, I love him to the ends of the earth, the truth is though, he is loud and hyper and demanding and intrusive and exhausting. My 1 year old is typical into-everything-all the time, age appropriate but at the most labor intentive stage of her little life. Trying to entertain and arrange play dates and enriching activites for my oldest is a challenge, getting out of the house is as pleasant at a sharp object to the eye. Having friends over for her is hard too because then, the entire time my 5 year old complains about not having a playmate. I can't do a houseful of kids. My husband and I talked about that I need to reach out to others with kids and maybe do a kid swap to get a break. The 2 or 3 people that I would trust to be able to handle my sons medical needs and chase after a 1yr old -have kids of their own, I feel it would be too much to ask. Relatives? The ones I trust live too far away (like an hour). I RARELY GET A BREAK. I regocnize that I was depressed and had turmoil before I had kids. I would benefit from therapy, but who will watch my kids while I go? So heavy hearted right now. I feel like I just can't do this. I hate it. It makes me feel like a crappy mom. I know logically I do the best I can and my best is pretty decent. Had a bad night and now having a difficult morning. I just feel lost. Thanks for listening.

Hi,

My kids are almost grown, but I remember the hell of them being young.

I had a business when they were your kids age and I remember being so glad to drop them off on Monday mornings and get to work.

The thing is, YOU need to take care of yourself. YOU need to be ok for them to be ok. Find a daycare for a half a day 3 days a week. So what if they come home dirty or have not been changed for 2 hours. They will live, and they will act better once you feel better.

Spend the money. Daycare. Your mental health is worth every penny. I bet your kids will respond better to you once you feel good

God bless you,

Happy holidays

Is there any way, that your husband can coordinate a day and time for you, to go to counseling? Or is this something, you can find someone to watch your one year old, while the others are in school, and then you can see a therapist? You also, need some 'me' time. Is your husband able to give you a break, watch the kids, and give you alone time, outside the home? Even for a walk, or window shopping, library to have some quiet reading time?

(asked by a mom who gets it....3 boys 6, 8, 10)