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withoutthelove_
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Default Mar 07, 2014 at 02:54 AM
  #1
So my mother has never actually been diagnosed with NPD, but through my own therapy I've learnt that she has narcissistic qualities / traits ..
While I've found she's particularly "worse" when interacting with me, she can and does exhibit these traits around my other siblings.
Why question is, how do you guys deal with narcissistic mothers?

I'm only seventeen, nearly eighteen and I live with both parents, so I can hardly cut off contact.

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Default Mar 07, 2014 at 06:29 AM
  #2
I had narc parents. They drove me mad.
The best thing for you is to play along with them as much as you can, don't argue ( no point, they won't listen, narcs NEVER admit fault) work hard at school, then, as soon as possible leave home and make a life of your own.
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Default Mar 07, 2014 at 09:05 AM
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Hello, Withoutthelove_. You may find works by the author Nina Brown of value. She emphasizes for the children of N parents the importance of building psychological boundary strength.

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Default Mar 08, 2014 at 10:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Rohag View Post
Hello, Withoutthelove_. You may find works by the author Nina Brown of value. She emphasizes for the children of N parents the importance of building psychological boundary strength.
Thanks for the recommendation! I've put a hold on one of her books at my library

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Default Mar 08, 2014 at 10:31 PM
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Originally Posted by marmaduke View Post
I had narc parents. They drove me mad.
The best thing for you is to play along with them as much as you can, don't argue ( no point, they won't listen, narcs NEVER admit fault) work hard at school, then, as soon as possible leave home and make a life of your own.
I honestly do my best. I'm about 98% sure I'm the only kid who notices the narc traits in my mother, the rest of my brothers are under the thumb.

I guess you got out? If you don't mind my asking, do you still maintain contact with your parents? And does anyone else know they're narcs, or is it just you?

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Default Mar 10, 2014 at 06:51 AM
  #6
You are lucky in as much you are young and have identified narc traits early, this will help you protect yourself.
I am 55, when I were young there was no internet, we never even had a phone, I had no idea what was wrong with mother she was so controlling, cold, she enjoyed being cruel & pitting one child against the other. I was told I was stupid, useless, fat, ugly, that I 'stank' & was nothing but a burden. I totally believed her and hated myself.
I remember no kindness, warmth, love, or support. I do not remember ever being hugged or cuddled. I never remember having a conversation with mother, she talked at me not to me, and boy, does she just love the sound of her own voice!
She didn't know me at all, nor ever wanted to.
By the time I was 8/9 years old I thought about suicide most days (suicidal adulation) I felt embarrassed I existed, shamed, guilty.
I blamed myself, poor mother, lumbered with a useless child like me.
I left home at 22 married someone just to get away (she denied me an education)
Yup, with my ignorance and chronic lack of self esteem I married unwittingly-------------another narc. Sigh.

I was 50 before I found a website about narc mothers, this was a moment. Mother (and father) ticked the boxes. For the first time I knew It was not me, it never had been. They were faulty, not me! If only, if only I known this years ago I could have set myself free, protected myself.

I'm am the only one who recognizes mother has a PD. My middle sister is the 'Golden Child' and can do no wrong, my eldest sister knows mother is 'not right'.

I do have limited contact, my mother is 90 now. If I'd known about NPD when I was young I would have gone no contact. Instead I spent fruitless years trying to 'fix' things, be whatever she wanted, always trying to make her like me/love me. Now I understand NPD I know all that effort was wasted. So frustrating, so much wasted time!
My mother for whatever reason (I think she was born like it, wired wrong) cannot love, has no empathy.

I'm rambling. My message to you, do well at school work hard with the goal of getting away from a toxic family dynamic. And don't marry a narc!
It will be hard, but you are a clever cookie. You can make it. Many many

Last edited by marmaduke; Mar 10, 2014 at 07:16 AM..
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