How do I help anxious stepdaughter talk to her mom?

Tsuki632 · Aug 06, 2014 at 05:24 PM

My 11 year old stepdaughter becomes visibly upset after talking to her mom lately. She's a sensitive kid, mom not so much. My mom never made me cry so I don't know what to tell her when hers does. It breaks my heart. I don't speak badly of her mom. I can't stand her but she's a good person and does the best she can for her kid. Right now the issues aren't life changing just the usual stuff that's important to an 11 year old. But if she can't talk to her mom now, what happens when the issues are more serious like parties, alcohol and drugs?

Does anyone have any resources for step parenting and how to direct her back to her mom while making sure she feels listened to and taken seriously?

Most of the stepparent resources I'm finding are about blended families. Her anxiety is increasing and so is mine.

Little Lulu · Aug 07, 2014 at 05:39 AM

I don't know that it is possible to change the nature of your stepdaughter's relationship with her mom. It sounds like this girl is lucky to have you for a stepmom. Letting her know you are willing to listen to her about anything she needs to talk about may be the best thing you have to offer.

Tsuki632 · Aug 07, 2014 at 08:58 AM

Thanks Lulu. I know I can't change how her mom is. There has to be strategies I can equip the daughter with. Either helping her to take the message and brush off the tone. Other ways to approach her mom. I don't know. Until I figure it out I'll keep listening.

It's sad that a google search with stepdaughter in it brought up all sorts of results about how they're brats or stepmom can't stand step daughter. Breaks my heart

Little Lulu · Aug 07, 2014 at 02:35 PM

I like that idea of 'taking the message and brush off the tone'. It might be helpful to help her see ways that her mother demonstrates her love for her daughter - solid examples that you are aware of that the stepdaughter might not be seeing right now. Just a thought ...

I wonder if this mom is going through a rough time right now with a personal issue?? Again, what a great thing you are doing to support this girl.

jimmy rich · Aug 24, 2014 at 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tsuki632

I don't speak badly of her mom. I can't stand her but she's a good person and does the best she can for her kid.

Sorry about your stressful situation. Are you sure that she is doing "the best she can" for her kid?

Quote:

Right now the issues aren't life changing just the usual stuff that's important to an 11 year old. But if she can't talk to her mom now, what happens when the issues are more serious like parties, alcohol and drugs?

Which are all the sad consequences of inadequate parenting which has FAILED to do the best they could for their now damaged kid!

Quote:

Does anyone have any resources for step parenting and how to direct her back to her mom while making sure she feels listened to and taken seriously? Her anxiety is increasing and so is mine.

IMO, any kind of basic, healthy, sensible parenting information could HELP such a stressed kid and I'd simply look around for it to LEARN HOW to be a good role model for your step kid.
good luck,
jim

jimmy rich · Aug 24, 2014 at 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tsuki632

Thanks Lulu. I know I can't change how her mom is. There has to be strategies I can equip the daughter with.

I'd say the best "strategy" is to just be the best role model you can be. After our dad walked out on us, my brother and I went to live with our mom's brother - our uncle and he & his wife were the best adult role models I ever had and had a profound effect on my life!

Quote:

It's sad that a google search with stepdaughter in it brought up all sorts of results about how they're brats or stepmom can't stand step daughter. Breaks my heart

I see the same patterns at Yahoo Answers where the adult is ALWAYS right and the kid is ALWAYS a brat! IMO, a brat is simply the victim of bad parenting but it's so much easier and SAFER to blame and attack the defenseless "brat" rather than the ones who are causing it.
Oh well.....

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Little Lulu Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2013 Location: Eastern US Posts: 1,761 11 462 hugs given	Aug 07, 2014 at 05:39 AM #2 I don't know that it is possible to change the nature of your stepdaughter's relationship with her mom. It sounds like this girl is lucky to have you for a stepmom. Letting her know you are willing to listen to her about anything she needs to talk about may be the best thing you have to offer.
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