[livelaughlove22]

I was dreading her waking up today because last night- after a few hours of her continuously getting out of timeout, throwing things at my chandelier, kicking the walls, hitting me etc- I had to give her a spanking. It was only 10 spanks and they weren't very hard and she finally stopped misbehaving.

But instead of the even more distant child I though was going to wake up she came over to me on the couch with her blanket and sat down on my lap. I tried to not seem surprised so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable. She's never ever done that before as she hates being touched. She brought her blanket with her and asked to turn on the tv. She sat there cuddly with me for about 20 minutes. I was so surprised and confused! It was a huge step for her.

[Can't Stop Crying]

that is so awesome.....take pride in the tiny steps of progress....you are reaching her!

I am so proud of both of you - it brought tears to my eyes!

She knows you care and she is starting to allow herself to feel safe with you!

[A Red Panda]

That's a great step! That is really brave of her to come and sit on your lap! I'd definitely bring that up a lot in the near future to praise her.

Maybe the next time she's misbehaving you can try to bring up that you don't want to spank her because you wish she would just do X without you having to hit.

[livelaughlove22]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

That's a great step! That is really brave of her to come and sit on your lap! I'd definitely bring that up a lot in the near future to praise her.

Maybe the next time she's misbehaving you can try to bring up that you don't want to spank her because you wish she would just do X without you having to hit.

I tried that I said please - stop kicking, sit in timeout- whatever she was doing because I don't want to give you a spanking and I know you don't like to be spanked multiple times before I finally did it.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by livelaughlove22

I was dreading her waking up today because last night- after a few hours of her continuously getting out of timeout, throwing things at my chandelier, kicking the walls, hitting me etc- I had to give her a spanking. It was only 10 spanks and they weren't very hard and she finally stopped misbehaving.

But instead of the even more distant child I though was going to wake up she came over to me on the couch with her blanket and sat down on my lap. I tried to not seem surprised so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable. She's never ever done that before as she hates being touched. She brought her blanket with her and asked to turn on the tv. She sat there cuddly with me for about 20 minutes. I was so surprised and confused! It was a huge step for her.

[healingme4me]

That's good, that she's coming to you. Ten seems a much higher number than two or three. Kids bring out our own triggers.

[livelaughlove22]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

That's good, that she's coming to you. Ten seems a much higher number than two or three. Kids bring out our own triggers.

I really didn't want to have to do it. But nothing else was working and after a few hours I determined it was the only way to make her stop. It wasn't supposed to be that many but after a few she bit my leg and other things so I gave her a few more.

[healingme4me]

Sounds like her past was viscous. Is child services involved in her case? My stepmother was root cause for her and my father, no longer being allowed to foster home kids, after their only daughter together told her therapist that my stepmother had smacked her.

I'd proceed with caution with an agressive child, especially when not your own.

[healingme4me]

Here's some info, I've found on dealing with physically aggressive foster children. Not sure why mainly out of WA, but guess they might be good at it?
http://www.fosterparents.com/articles/index69angry.html

http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/fosterparents/videoPat.asp

http://allianceforchildwelfare.org/c...raining-videos

Restitution is listed in here, which is actually part of the discipline code at my children's school. You break it, you fix it. You damage a friendship, you fix it. Positive time outs, in lieu of punishment. Moving to a safer room, same thing. It's responsive classroom, much can be learned parenting from it. Restitution is first on the list in this method for dealing with children like this. Not time out....

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Here's some info, I've found on dealing with physically aggressive foster children. Not sure why mainly out of WA, but guess they might be good at it?
Foster Parents Community and Online Training

Foster Parent Training Institute DSHS

Training Videos | Alliance for Child Welfare Excellence

Restitution is listed in here, which is actually part of the discipline code at my children's school. You break it, you fix it. You damage a friendship, you fix it. Positive time outs, in lieu of punishment. Moving to a safer room, same thing. It's responsive classroom, much can be learned parenting from it. Restitution is first on the list in this method for dealing with children like this. Not time out....

This seem like some good ideas, although maybe geared towards a child who is a bit older. While the little girl is 5, her emotional age seems much younger. I believe that sometimes we have to meet the children where they are so to speak and allow them to grow into their biological age....just my thoughts.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

This seem like some good ideas, although maybe geared towards a child who is a bit older. While the little girl is 5, her emotional age seems much younger. I believe that sometimes we have to meet the children where they are so to speak and allow them to grow into their biological age....just my thoughts.

Good Point, as much discusses teens. Guess, this seems to be an avenue to look into, as far as discipline approach. Another might be along the lines of a child with neurological delays.

I point in these directions over the typical parenting methods, because typical books, don't address special needs. A child with emotional trauma IS a child who has needs above and beyond the scope of what the average parent utilizes.

[healingme4me]

What I like about the charts, is that it breaks down, anxiety, and what to look for. In order to deal with a child who has trauma anxiety, watching for clues and indicators can go far to minimize the outbursts. Until one lives through numerous hours long tantrums that involve aggression even as young as three, four, five years old(my oldest didn't just start, I've only begun talking), one cannot fathom the exhausting days, the guilt, bewilderment. Granted he wasn't abused yet, it's the same emotional trigger when one has a predisposition. He still has his own trauma.

[Can't Stop Crying]

keep hanging on Livelaughlove......you are doing great!