Bad day

She is even worse today. I don't know what to do anymore. I had to give her a spanking earlier - I felt horrible and it was only 4 and they weren't really hard. She broke a vase on purpose and was hitting and kicking and out of control. I don't want to spank her ever again.

She isn't allowed to for 6 months then she will get occasional supervised visits. Thank you so much. That's very sweet of you to say.

Be gentle on yourself

She sounded very out of control, yesterday. Did it bring her back from the edge?

It worked for a little while. She went and say quietly with her dolls. Then I talked to her about it and she said the spanking didn't still hurt but it hurt her feelings

Does she have an upcoming visit with her mom? Some with anxiety get nerved before. Many typically ask how visits were, after, but sometimes it's behavior before that displays anxiety. Does she act out, at school? If so, she maybe entitled to an Individual Education Plan.

No still about 4 months until visits will start.

How'd you find the talk with her, went, while she was playing with her dollies?
I can tell, it was an utmost last resort for you. And believe you, when you say you never want to do it again. You may never need to again. It's the way it was.
Is she making friends at school? It does seem like numerous school questions, curious if she's a lash out in home only type or no matter where she goes? I think it may matter, just not sure how nor why.

Can't always ward off, future moments, but trying to get to the root of her triggers can help maybe cut down on them. What do you believe brought this on, with her?

This worked unbelievably well with my daughter around ages 4 and 5, she's 6 now and I still do it.

She did things to annoy me, purposely, like in the car repeatedly kicking the back of the seat. She interrupted adults conversations just to get attention, just to say "I love you mommy!" She would also throw things and break things just for fun.

My friend told me something she learned in therapy with her kids. Calmly and assertively announce: the rule is, we do not kick the seat. The rule is, say excuse me when you want to speak while others are speaking. The rule is, we do not throw things in here.

And provide ways that she could kick and throw and scream to her hearts content. Outside with rubber balls, jump ropes, and acting loud and silly.

Give her an outlet for her aggression. Give her rules calmly without room for argument. Praise freely. "You know the rule, good job!" "You know you can kick the ball when you feel angry!"

It sounded too simple but it really did work. I only had to repeat "the rule is. . ." About 3 times, and it made a huge difference. I stayed calm giving her less reason to act out. She calmed down when she got more praise for doing good things and didn't feel like acting out as often.

You're doing a wonderful thing for your friend and her child, but are either of you in therapy or getting support?

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Trigger warning. Came accross this video. Granted it's about a foster child, in my eyes, this is similar.
Can't say, tears won't fall. Maybe will help you?
:Hug:
http://www.upworthy.com/heres-a-stor...me-2?c=reccon1

How are things going for the 2 of you now?

Thank you for the great suggestions. She is in therapy. She's got an appointment tomorrow thankfully.

That's good to hear. It is a very hard and sometimes thankless job, motherhood. You came into it not at the beginning with time to know and adjust to each other, but after 5 years of pain and dis function have scarred the poor girl. Good for you for looking after her! Make sure you get some support as well, fostering an abused and abandoned 5-year-old is no easy job. Are there any parenting classes or other resources you could reach out to? You will never have all the answers, but they can help. Good luck!

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