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Member
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 137
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Sep 18, 2014 at 11:17 PM
#1
So my fiancé asked today if he could sleep over tomorrow night because he had an early meeting moments away from my home. But I can't tell if it would be bad for my little girl or if it would scare her because he's a man. Does anyone think it would be bad for her if he stayed over? Be honest because I don't want her to be scared.
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2011
Location: missing
Posts: 6,693
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Sep 19, 2014 at 04:10 AM
#2
has she had a lot of contact with him yet? is she familiar with him? I guess those would be my first big questions.
If he has been around her and they interact with each other during the day....I would think it's okay. Just make sure you prepare her and let her know he will be sleeping at the house and that he will not hurt her. He is a safe man that wants to care about her and keep her safe. Make sure to ask her before what she thinks about it and validate whatever she says...you don't necessarily need to do what she says, just let her know you understand what she is thinking/feeling and give her a chance to express it, if she is visibly scared or upset - maybe take that as a signal that this is too much for her right now. I personally think she needs to see that not all men will hurt her... |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 137
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Sep 19, 2014 at 07:52 AM
#3
We just talked about it. She said she's okay with it but she isn't okay with him being in the house during bath time, pajama time or "scar time" (she has abuse scars that I have to put cream on that are in some sensitive places). So we agreed we would do these things when he went to pick up dinner. This is way earlier than normal but she said she is okay with that and just doesn't want him here when she has to be naked. She also asked if she's getting punished if he can go In another room and if at bed time he can stay downstairs while I lay down with her. I don't think any of these things are unreasonable and am more than willing to make them happen for her.
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2011
Location: missing
Posts: 6,693
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Sep 19, 2014 at 09:20 AM
#4
 That is so sweet how she told you exactly what she needs...and they are all absolutely reasonable/healthy boundaries! Yippee to both of you! |
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 unaluna
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Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2013
Location: Gallifrey
Posts: 4,166
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Sep 19, 2014 at 04:30 PM
#5
That's sooooo excellent that she was having such an in-depth conversation with you!!! And for actually making requests to help her feel comfortable!
That's absolutely an awesome step for communication! As an extra bit of security for her, maybe ask your bf to talk quite a bit when she's not in the same room as him, so that she can hear where he is and not have to worry about being snuck up on? __________________ "The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 137
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Sep 19, 2014 at 05:42 PM
#6
Quote:
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Member
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 137
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Oct 02, 2014 at 01:43 PM
#7
He wants to stay the night again. Looks like she and I will be having another conversation and I will ask if she has any other boundary requests.
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Can't Stop Crying
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Member
Member Since Aug 2014
Location: The Land of Oz but now live in the Concrete Jungle
Posts: 68
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Oct 02, 2014 at 01:51 PM
#8
Quote:
I am assuming she has seen your fiance before. I don't think it would frighten her at all... |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 137
9 22 hugs
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Oct 02, 2014 at 01:56 PM
#9
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
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Oct 02, 2014 at 01:57 PM
#10
This sounds so great, its bringing tears to my eyes. She has probably never felt this amount of control over her life. It reminds me of things that happened in my therapy that were more like accidents or even mistakes AT FIRST, but that turned out to be really pivotal moments of growth, like miracles, that i am so thankful for. You just never know.
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Can't Stop Crying
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