[gloamingone]

My 17-year-old is really starting to have a problem with pot. Granted, we aren't sure that he's used since he ran away last month. But last night his dad let him go out with his friends. He came home three hours late, stoned out of his mind. To top it off, my ex didn't feel like arguing with him this morning and let him stay home from school. To me that's unacceptable!

My son is already seeing a substance abuse counselor, but it's been a month now and he hasn't remotely changed his ways. He's still failing all his classes and smoking pot.

I don't know what to do. My ex's therapist and I both say our son needs boundaries, consequences, and stability, which he doesn't get at home. My ex doesn't feel like "rocking the boat," so he does nothing.

I'm starting to wonder if my son needs some more intensive treatment, like an outpatient program. I just don't know what to do anymore.

If I talked to my son's counselor, would it be considered appropriate? I try to let them maintain their patient-client confidentiality, but now I'm not sure if that's the best thing.

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I was thinking inpatient rehab.

[gloamingone]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I was thinking inpatient rehab.

I'm starting to think that, too. I just spoke with my son's counselor. He's going to talk to my ex and my son about it. I'm going to start investigating impatient.

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[hypermic]

How often is he smoking Marijuana?

The Marijuana smoking is likely to be a symptom of some fundamental problem that needs to be addressed.'

If you put him in an inpatient unit for Marijuana he may associate with people using much more dangerous drugs.

Wanting to have fun with one's friends at that age is pretty normal, and some degree of experimentation with substances is within the realm of normal.

[Travelinglady]

That's a tough one. I am concerned that now that some states are okaying marijuana use, trying to stop young people from using it is going to get tougher and tougher.

He still might need consequences after inpatient treatment, I fear. I am sorry to be a downer. I am concerned that my young adult son is going to start using, if he hasn't already.

Have you considered going into therapy yourself? A therapist can help us parents by giving support for setting consequences. I wish your husband would be able to get some support, too.

[Trippin2.0]

I've seen this kind of thing over and over and over in my community.....


Truth is, nobody can make anyone else stop. You can spend your life's savings on the best care out there, and it wont do jack unless he actually wants to quit the stuff.


I hope he sees the light soon, I hope he can look at himself and his failing classes and want more for himself.


I smoked a boat load of pot during HS, but I never came home stoned off my a.s.s and my grades never suffered. I remained one of the top students, so guess that's why nobody suspected I was doing anything wrong in my free time....


Your son sounds like he's on a different level all together though, its long past harmless experimentation and enjoyment if he's failing and acts like he doesn't have a care in the world.


I really hope he wants better for himself.

[BioAdoptMom3]

I would take him to a psychiatrist, especially if he has any other symptoms that COULD indicated a mental illness like depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder, such as wide mood swings, difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, depressed mood for a significant period of time, rages, unusual fears, social anxiety, etc. In many cases substance abuse indicates a need to self medicate for something and in those instances medication is probably needed in addition to therapy.

Nancy

[ToeJam]

Not sure if this will be controversial... but my parents took a passive educational role and for me it worked... I stuck to weed for the most part at that age and only 'experimented' with anything else. These days I don't do anything:

Was told I could do what I liked but the house was off limits.

That I should trust the source of the drugs (did the one dealing use his own supply, did I know others who did... were there any adverse effects).

If I was going to use, do my best to differentiate between recreational and habitual (i.e. 'try not to do it on a school night')

That if I got into trouble with the law for example... then to know that my parents loved me but in this I would have to deal with the consequences myself.

Now all of this 'may' be preventative advice rather than at the stage you're at now... but a proper chat by which you speak to him as a peer and simply state that 'yes' he is responsible for his own life... and the consequences that go with it, could help.