ADHD child & other parents perceptions

I am new here I have a six year old diagnosed with ADHD.

I am struggling with dealing with other parents on this issue.

I enrolled my child in girl scouts this past year. One of the moms in the troop had a specific problem with my child being hyper at one of the Girl Scout events. I had accompanied by daughter to this event and did not witness any seriously wrongful behavior - she just got a little out of control, talked back at one point, and kept jumping up and down uncontrollably. This mom then tried to get my daughter removed from Scouts by complaining to the GS Council. The Council did not remove my daughter, they simply asked her to sit out the next event, which we graciously complied with. However, the complaining mom was so incensed, she felt my daughter should have been punished more harshly, so she reacted to this by removing herself from our FB troop page and stopped attending troop events (so her and her child wouldn't have to be around my daughter). I guess she got over it, and then after a few weeks, put herself back on the troop page. I didn't ask any questions, but thought it was strange. She deliberately avoids me now.

Ever since then, her and another mom in the troop have acted strange around me. One of them, a mom I had been on friendly terms with before this incident, now acts weird around me and even stutters when she talks to me now. She told me the other day "Um, I won't be in your troop next year, because I am, um, having my child join, um, a different troop". I am not sure why she told me this because A) I never asked and B) I don't care. My daughter has no particular interest in her daughter, and its certainly not something we even cared to know about.

The "incident" where my daughter misbehaved was months ago but it seems to have followed us like a black cloud that won't go away.

Sometimes, when she does things like run around in circles, there are a few parents who find it intolerable even though it doesn't really affect them. I explain that she has ADHD and therefore, an abundance of energy; she's also impulsive and blurts things out sometimes. She has never hurt or bullied another child. She is not capable of that.

I'd be curious to know if any other parents of children with ADHD have had similar issues with other parents.

Welcome to PC.
I don't have kids. But I work with kids. My response to this would be good riddance. I think it is ridiculous that this parent had such a strong reaction that she would try to get your daughter kicked out of the troop, but wonder if she was triggered in some way. I wonder if more than just one or two kids are going to a new troop. If maybe there was more going on before you and your daughter joined the troop (mommy politics) and this mom is using this incident to make her own troop (or to put pressure on an already existing schism in the troop), and knows this isn't a PC thing to do, so the other moms joining her in the new troop are uncomfortable around you because of this.

Don't know if this is the case, but just a guess.

Wow, what the spirit of scouting. As far as I know Girl Scouts (I am Canadian so it is Girl Guides here) is an inclusive organization. These 2 parents are showing they cannot accept the basic tenets of the organization.

I have a son with ADHD and Autism. He is in Cub Scouts and included in everything. Yes, there are some adoptions the leader needs to make in the program but they do it with love and acceptance. We actually have another boy who is autistic so they adapt the program in two different ways following the boys strengths.

Yes, there are politics in the troop even though its a small one. Two of the moms have been best friends for years. I believe they decided to make my daughter the "scapegoat" so their own daughters would not be blamed, and so this mom complained to the council. So I don't know if its entirely an ADHD issue, perhaps not. My daughter was hyper, but so were the 3 girls at this event.

I do know that many troops split up or disband after every school year. There are lots of politics amongst parents. The scary truth is that if a parent doesn't like your child (or has something personal against you) they can plot against your child behind your back, by keeping her out of events, not inviting or including her with other kids, and gossiping about her to other parents. This woman wanted my daughter kicked out of Girl Scouts. That is kind of chilling to me.

Many parents believe ADHD isn't real, that its just a smokescreen for poor behavior. They will say "that kid just needs a good spanking". Truth is, we have spanked her quite a few times. But its not going to change her impulsivity or energy level. Spanking a child won't change his basic neurological makeup.

I should have told everyone upfront that my daughter had ADHD. And this coming year, whatever troop she is in (I hope she will be in a new one), I plan to take the other moms aside and explain it to them. I will also tell them that if they are having an issue with my daughter, to talk to me, and not talk behind my back.

I feel sometimes people don't recognize ADHD as a disability because it isn't always an obvious disability.

Very true. I have the added challenge of my son having autism as well as the ADHD. His meltdowns can be very bad and I know I am judged that my kid is a spoiled brat when really he is too overwhelmed to deal with the situation.

Yes, meltdowns are what my daughter has. To other parents, she is just "throwing a tantrum" and "being a brat". They don't understand that she acts this way when she is tired and overwhelmed. She doesn't have them often, but she does have them occasionally.

I believe Girl Scouts receives some federal funding, and so they are required to comply with the ADA (Americans with Disabilities). I believe ADHD is considered a disability by the ADA, does anyone know??

I realized now that a few of the moms are planning to form a new troop in the fall, and I know they are doing this to exclude my daughter. There are no other troops in the area that she can join. I know if I ask the Council about it, though, they will probably tell me to Juliette her. Juliette means that a Girl Scout earns badges and attends Girl Scout functions on her own, without being in a troop. I wouldn't mind doing this, but the fact is my daughter will see her former troop members at these functions, and ask why she isn't included in the troop anymore. It will make her feel ostracized and excluded. Because at age six, she didn't always exhibit perfect behavior.

To be honest, some of the other girls in the troop were poorly behaved, but it never got commented on. And some were physically too rough with each other, which is something my daughter never did (my daughter does not ever touch anyone or roughhouse with other kids). One of the troop girls jumped on my back when I was pregnant, and I had placenta previa which posed a danger to my pregnancy. I could have wound up in the hospital if something had happened. I did not make an issue of it at the time. I guess my point about that is that I've been extremely accommodating and forgiving, while I haven't been granted the same consideration by these parents.

Also, some of these moms are on my facebook friend list, as we had all friended each other last year when I formed our troop. Should I just remove them all? I don't feel comfortable with what is going on.

Also if anyone has experience with scouting, can they really exclude my daughter like this based on one incident? I thought a kid had to do something really horrible to get kicked out of scouting.

Another thing I want to say, is how can others expect my daughter to learn good behavior when she is constantly excluded from everything? If she can't be around other kids, she can't learn social skills at all.

This may be a common problem for many children with special needs.

Unfortunately you are correct, so often kids are ostracised due to being special needs.

I wanted to give an update to my situation.

A few days ago, I finally unfriended this mom on my facebook page.

I still can't figure out why I didn't do this a long time ago.

This woman tried to create a social situation wherein my child would be ostracized within a group. Not acceptable to me at all. Not just for my child, but for ANYONE's child.

It felt good letting her go off my FB page. I may block her as well. She doesn't need to see my name & face anymore at all.

Good for you. How is your daughter doing? I had to pull my son from school as they were causing him to have meltdowns and then punishing him for having the meltdowns. Life is hard for us special needs mommas.

Thanks my daughter is doing well. I am glad that I'm working to remove toxic people from her life and mine. The scary truth is that sometimes there are adults who can be cruel to children, although in indirect ways that are hard to recognize at first. This isn't the first mom who has tried to get my daughter ostracized. It never works because I've eventually recognized what's going on and I stop it from happening. Besides, my daughter makes friends easily and she isn't going to be totally alone. This woman and her best friend stopped bringing their daughters to troop events, so...... we showed them we could have a great time without them. We posted pictures of our troop activities on our facebook page and talked about what a great time we had and how valuable it was for the girls who did show up to participate.

Sorry to hear you had to pull your son out of the school, are you homeschooling now or did you put him into a private school?

We are homeschooling. Not an easy thing to do starting in grade 5 but we are figuring things out. Meltdowns are less and he is learning a lot.