Daughter's suicide attempt

I'm really not sure what to make of this: my 14-year-old daughter attempted suicide last week. She has a history of seemingly-normal moodiness but for the most part she is a pretty well-adjusted kid who laughs frequently, seems to enjoy time with her friends, gets good grades, doesn't do drugs, and hasn't experienced any problems with bullying, bad relationships, etc. She has a "boyfriend" who is a nice kid and they get along fine. She has never attempted suicide or engaged in any self-harm before.

Last week she was texting her friends on a group chat and said several times, "I'm bored", and then asked, "How many mucinex would it take to od?" Then she told her friends she was dizzy and nauseous, one of the friends' moms called my wife, and she was taken to the ER. There, she told the doctor that it was a suicide attempt, and she was placed in a psychiatric facility on an emergency hold for evaluation. Since then, she has seemed upbeat and nonchalant about the whole thing, seeming to treat it as an adventure. She made a comment to my wife that her belongings were taken away "just like when you were in rehab!" (my wife is a recovering alcoholic, sober for 2 years, and the kids have gone to Alateen once a week for several years).

My wife and I are in the midst of a divorce, but it has been pretty amicable and low-drama. My daughter has said repeatedly, when asked, that she "doesn't care" that we're getting divorced, and as counter-intuitive as it seems, I tend to believe her. She is a detached child who shows mild disdain for her family and really only puts on a display of affection when she wants something. She shows a level of contempt for her older brother that goes beyond normal sibling rivalry, and it's sometimes jarring because her brother is nicer to her than most brothers are. She's not a pathological liar, but she won't hesitate to lie if she thinks she can get away with it, and she has also admitted to cheating on tests in school.

When we sat with her therapist in the psychiatric ward, the woman seemed as perplexed as we were. She asked our daughter what was causing her stress and she said "homework" and then said that she has a friend who is sometimes mean, not to her, but to her other friends. She then added that it was "everything going on in my life" but when the therapist asked her what that meant, she couldn't explain it. She seemed to be trying to come up with something that sounded plausible.

So we've got a combination of mild depression, an alcoholic parent, and a divorce, but that doesn't seem to explain the suicide attempt. There have been no obvious warning signs, and her best friend said that she's been happy and upbeat when they're with her (her friend saw no warning signs and was as shocked as we were). As much as I hate to say it, I can't get over the feeling that this "suicide attempt" was an attempt to impress her friends (she's also been telling some of them that she's bisexual, which is apparently fashionable among teens lately). Earlier in the day, she had been wondering aloud what kind of injury she'd need to sustain to get out of band practice. She doesn't show any comprehension of the devastation she has brought on her family (and on her mother in particular, who was on the verge of a breakdown). I don't expect 14-year-olds to fully understand things like this, but it's hard to believe someone could be totally oblivious to the very real emotional anguish right in front of them. I want to feel sympathetic towards her, but I can't shake the feeling that this is some kind of game to her, and my wife has the same feeling.

Has anyone experienced anything like this before? It's very confusing.

hi ga dad
i am sorry you are having to go through this. i can see why it is confusing for you. your post is contradictory in a way. you view your daughter in one light "pretty well-adjusted kid who laughs frequently, seems to enjoy time with her friends, gets good grades, doesn't do drugs, and hasn't experienced any problems with bullying, bad relationships, etc. She has a "boyfriend" who is a nice kid and they get along fine. She has never attempted suicide or engaged in any self-harm before." so it can be difficult to see the challenges that could lead to a suicide attempt, for whatever reason she may have done it.

Being the child of an alcoholic can have devastating consequences, alateen or not. just because she is going, doesnt mean she is getting the coping skills she needs to deal with the inner turmoil or relationship issues that resulted as a resulted from her mothers problems.

"im bored" and "i dont care" indicate she lacks connection with her life. no interests or hobbies to bring her joy or happiness, to distract her when she is down. divorce is a major trauma. kids do care. it is a great loss. everything they knew is falling apart. they do have feelings about it, yet she is unable to express these feelings or unable, uncomfortable being able to share them with you. why is this?

lying and cheating- lack of moral compass? is this how you raised her? is this what was modeled in the family? how does this fit in with your introductory paragraph of her?

Not being able to explain how she feels isnt unusual. you are confused about her. you describe her kind of ideally in your first paragraph and then go on to contradict that description in further paragraphs. how much has she been taught to identify and talk about her feelings? she is probably as confused as you are about where she is at and needs help putting it into words. you are most likely right about the suicide attempt not being about dying. many times it is not. it is most often about escaping pain. people do not have the coping skills to deal with the emotional pain they are in so the idea of death is the only way out. and no, they do not think about the devastating consequences to others when they do it. they are not being selfish, they are only trying to escape the pain.

so while your daughter may seem on the outside to be well adjusted, this was a cry for help. please make sure she gets it. dont accept the "i dont cares".

welcome to Psych Central.

I was a kid that had everything. My parents thought I was happy. Negative things didn't phase me. I felt dead inside. Turns out I was bipolar. I would not brush it off that she doesn't care.

Yes, please get her evaluated for some sort of diorder. I know suicide attempts are a cry for attention sometimes, but that doesn't mean they are really manipulative.

Welcome to Psych Central! I hope your daughter will be better soon. Is she going to be in therapy?

My sister was 15 when she tried to commit suicide. No warning no divorce she wasn't depressed etc.

She did it on a Friday night when she new my dad always goes out after work with his friends and my mom did grocery shopping on her way home. She went into my parents room and took a whole bottle of Valium. My mom had just filled it. I was sick with chicken pox and my grandmother had just left. If it was not for my sisters friend who was over watching TV with me she would have died. Her friend went into her room and found her and we called for help. Back then if you knew the ER doctor then you did not have to go to the psych hospital. So she came home the next day and did not get the help she needed.

We were told not to talk about it and to this day we still do not talk about it.

Make sure your daughter gets the help she needs and please make sure the friend who called your wife does not get picked on by other students. She did the right thing. I have always been upfront with my kids about stuff like that. And our house has been the house that the kids always came to. Because of that I was able to stop 2 kids from trying suicide.

Just know you are not alone.

Hi ga_dad, welcome to Psych Central, but oh how painful the situation sounds you are in with the divorce, and aftermath of daughter's in patient, your world must be in turmoil.

Kaliope has given you excellent guidance in my opinion. I feel your daughter's cry for help. It sounds like she does not know where to turn. Her identity and world are shattered so she cannot even tell anyone what is bothering her.

Sounds like the need for support for your daughter is very great right now. And self care for you is so important. You really have a lot on your shoulders.

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression chat meets on Thursday night at 9pm EST and Anxiety Wednesday at 8PM.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

As someone who attempted Sui at that age, I can relate to the seemingly unattached manner in which she is behaving. For me, it really wasn't a big deal, it was simply a logical way to escape the pain I was feeling. I truly never thought of how it would affect anyone else. It certainly was not for attention and I felt embarrassed afterward.

Fortunately for her, she has parents who care enough to look for answers. Something I did not have after my 2 failed attempts. I went many more years before I found some help and still to this day battle severe depression. In my case I turned to drugs and alcohol to ease the pain and undiagnosed depression.

I encourage you to stay open-minded and teachable on this issue. The commenters above have great insight into what may be happening with your daughter. Perhaps it's a passing thing but in my case I needed professional help then and need it even more now. I know it's hard to imagine why a seemingly normal kid without obvious problems would want to die but I can assure you that even someone so young can live with unbearable emotional pain.

Sending you a hug for being such a caring parent...best wishes for your family's recovery.

I am so sorry you are going through this experience.

I think that my parents would have described me similarly to how you describe your daughter without the cheating and lying. However, I spent my whole high school career suicidal and not telling anyone until I was a junior. So a person can appear okay on the outside and be feeling empty and depressed on the inside. Many cases of suicide attempts happen when others say that there were no signs the person was suicidal. Often the individual as kaliope stated is impulsive (as it sounds like your daughter's attempt was) and is not thinking about the long term consequences. The attempt is to avoid pain instead of end their life.

I know that you think that you child has nothing big happening, but a divorce is huge for a child. That her mom had to go to rehab is a huge trauma for a child. So she has been through multiple traumas. I am not saying that your daughter is bisexual, but GLBT youth have a much higher suicide rate than their peers. Even if she is just questioning her sexual identity it puts her in that category of being at higher risk.

I understand that this has been very stressful for you and her mother. However, blaming her for the stress that this has brought to the family is just going to drive her further away. You two need to process the trauma you two have now experienced independently from her with your own support systems.

Please make sure that she continues to get help once she is discharged from the hospital she and you and her mom will need it. You all need to work together to figure out what is happening.

I am sorry for the pain you and your wife are feeling right now and can definitely relate. A couple of years ago my then 15 year old daughter swallowed too many extra strength tylenol. I managed to convince her to let me take her to the ER where they determined that it wasn't enough to have to pump her stomach or give her any anti-poison (or whatever it's called) treatment. However, the ER doctor considered it a suicide attempt and he had her Baker acted meaning mandatory pediatric psychiatric unit for a few days. She had shown no signs of depression or anxiety and kept insisting her only problem was that her boyfriend was treating her badly. She had always been a challenging child and I am convinced she is on the milder side of the attachment disorder spectrum (internationally adopted at 8 months). BUT, there were not signs of depression, some issues with outbursts of rage and definitely impulsive.
She had also always refused therapy, but I told her that it was part of the hospital releasing her that I would assure she got follow up. They also released with a prescription of prozac which we never filled. She cooperated in therapy for about 6 sessions and then refused to go anymore. I wish she had continued.
She has had no other attempts or even any cutting (she had cut on a couple of occasions before that). And although she has tried just about all the high risk behaviors, she seems to be doing ok now.
I hope the best for your daughter and both of you. Try to get her help and also get your own counselor if you can. I have gone off and on for therapy ever since she has been about 11 and it has gotten me through many "what have I done wrong with my daughter?" time periods.

I attempted at 15, for about 1.5 years prior had cutting behavior. I was going through a major life upheaval. Didn't do the hospital route, back then myself. And I wouldn't quite say that I wasn't unhappy, but was happy go lucky even back then. But wouldn't say in a detached way, could voice my sadness and displeasure in life, back then, I just didn't voice that I wanted my pain to end.

Your description of your daughter, doesn't sound relatable for how I was. However the rest certainly sounds worthy of extra observations by her counseling team. Does sound like something underlying there, not just environmental factors.

You've some good support here. Much needed as your family deserves support.

This is just a short note. When I am in a really stressful or fearful situation, I do the weirdest thing. I will be on the verge of totally freaking out on the inside, but this fear driven smile and happiness keeps me looking happy. This freaks a lot of people out, because I will be in a super stressful situation and be totally smiling. I literally can't stop it. An example is when my mother was talking about mental illness and crying, and I sat in my chair unmoving smiling. She looked at me in this way of "what is wrong with you" and left.

The point of this post is, especially in teens, be careful. I went for seven years suffering from multiple gastrointestinal disorders that were horrifyingly painful for me, without saying a word to anyone. I am trying to say that everyone, especially teens, are good at suffering in silence.

Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction, Irritable Bowel Syndrome - Alternating, Mild Social Anxiety Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - PI

Rx: Vyvanse 30mg, Propranolol 10mg PRN, Amitriptyline 25mg PRN

Previous Rx: Lots of Amoxicillin, Alprazolam, Ibuprofen 200mg

I'm in my 40's but I attempted at age 16. I would never want to talk to my parents about what was going on with me. Only in the privacy of one on one therapy was I able to work through my issues.

Maybe your daughter didn't feel safe enough to open up in front of you, a parent, and a new therapist she had only been seeing for a short time.

It isn't important that YOU know the why's, it is more important that your daughter learns for herself.