Nephew Compulsive Lying

So, I need advice on this issue. My nephew is 14.

He seems to lie about everything almost like he is just lies to lie.

Here is an example. We were on skype voice chat. He talks to himself a lot out loud and mentions he is opening a program which is related to another voice chat. I ask, "Why are you opening Overwolf?" He says, "no reason".

Okay no big deal. Then he stops talking and gets quiet like he is listening to something. Then says,"Hold on a sec." I ask, "Who are you talking to?" Since I was not talking I know it was not directed at me. He stutters and says I'm talking to no one.

I tell him, if you want to talk to other people in the game you're playing that's cool, just let me know and I'll get off skype.

He proceeds to deny being on the other voice chat. At this point he is talking but I can't ell if he is talking to me or someone else and I say again. It's okay, we can stop skyping. Then he goes into, yes he is on the other voice service but he didn't think I needed to know, as if I was invading his privacy by asking.

I explain, Its fine if you want to talk to other people, you just shouldn't lie about it, there is no reason to lie about it. I have no issue getting off skype so you can talk to other ppl.

At that point he stops responding and I end the call.

Yoof, what can you say? Their brains are yet to be fully formed and are apt to dorkish behaviour. He will grow out of it. Stick with the kid, he will get better later.

Thanks for the advice.

There is probably little you can do other than tell him that you don't appreciate him lying to you and it makes you so you can't trust him. He will need to make the decision to stop lying. It isn't something that we can force him to do. Provide him with information about how you see it impacting your relationship with him and his life. If you are close he will probably listen to you more than he would his parents at this age.

This was the approach I've attempted, but he responds with ignoring me for days on end. We've always been close up until recent, now he treats everyone badly. I've witnessed his parents and older siblings lying a lot and not being able to take responsibility of their actions, so I would guess he has modeled this behavior to survive the house hold.

I understand part of this is his age; and he does care, but if you confront him on something then because he is so sensitive he gets hurt, even if he is in the wrong.

That's another issue he used to tell me how when he would admit to being wrong to his dad then his dad would make fun of him or call him names. So I can understand after years of this behavior that he would see apologizing or admitting to a wrong as being bad because from a certain point of view he was punished emotionally.

I did let him know I love him and that I'm sorry if I hurt him. I'm trying to show him through my actions rather than tell him how to act, but since I don't see him much there is little impact.

Sorry for the rant, I just need to get this out. I watched over him for many years and saw and heard the verbal and emotional abuse. And I was there for him, but after trying to talk to my sister about how he was feeling, I was shut down, told I didn't know what I was talking about and he was not allowed to see me much. That's when his behavior started to decline.

When he saw I was caring and giving and selfless then he would be the same. Now he acts like his parents. Breaks my heart. He's had to act like they do to survive and It blows my mind that it happened in just 2 years.

I'm sorry you are in such a hard place. It sounds like it is something he does to survive his environment. I hope that you are able to continue to support him. Hopefully he will look back and appreciate your help and support.

At the same time, setting appropriate limits with him and maintaining boundaries of what is reasonable/acceptable behavior when he is interacting with you may upset him, but in the long run will likely help you earn his respect-and as an adult, he should demonstrate some level of respect for you, IMHO. You could tell him something to the effect of, "I do not like it when you lie to me and it hurts me when you do so. If I catch you lying to me in the future, I will immediately end the conversation".

I completely agree

I agree with the above, he will out grow it. Teenagers are in the craziest stage of their life. Teenagers are weird, especially boys... I have, well, most my friends just lie and lie. Even to authority figures. I imagine that it has something to do with them thinking they are smarter .

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My 7 year old daughter has been telling lies for so long. Luckily I tend to know which are the truths and which are the lies, and I'm not the kind of mum to fly off the handle at every single thing.

She said she was the only girl in the class not to be invited to a party, and made a huge deal of it. I tried to explain that maybe they couldn't invite everyone but she made up a huge elaborate tale. Eventually I said that I would speak to the mother about it to see if there was some mistake, and when she refused to let me do anything eventually she admitted she had made the whole thing up. There have been so many other incidences of this I've lost count, and when I know she's lying I just ask her what she thinks she's getting out of making things up and I find it hurtful that she can't tell me the truth. It doesn't seem to stop her but it has eased off slightly. Its one of the many things that baffles me daily!

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