Teenage son's relationship driving us insane

Hi everyone. I just wanted to say upfront for any helpful replies. I'm literally at the end of my rope and feel like I'm failing miserably at parenting.

Alittle brief background. Two teenage sons (one 17 and 16), both in school and doing well. I am also a single mom,legally blind and recently had heart surgery.

My younger son (16) had got into some trouble with a friend late last year and is now on supervised probation until he graduates. That includes a 8pm curfew every night unless out with me. He has to have no tardies etc with school etc and not allowed to be around anyone that is also on probation or has been convinced of a felony within the last 2 years. Normal probation rules for this state. Here's my problem..

This past spring he began dating a girl (age 14 at the time) from school. No issues with her really. She seemed alittle controlling when it came to texting and calling but meh..teenage relationship, I didnt pay much attention. What we did notice is that after a while, when they were texting each other, he would get up and leave the room and when he came back he was a completely different person. Quiet, grumpy. If you asked what was wrong, he didnt want to talk. He would snap verbally if you asked and basically any topic that had to do with 'her' would cause anger.His grades began to start dropping and I began getting news that he's friend choice at school had got bad. Getting him to do his chores around the house was becoming impossible without an argument.I thought ok it will run its course and be done because my son is the type that doesnt like drama.

At the end of the school year, her and her family moved out of town, 40 or so minutes away and we thought k, she's out of town and has trust issues, the stress should end soon and I won't have to step in. I wanted very much not to say anything, normal teenager stuff you know. But my son and I have always been close. Now I will say that he knows how I feel about her. I have said that he has changed since dating her and not for the better. What makes it all worse is I have worked with her mother in the past. She has a past record of theft and drug use and I know for a fact her and her boyfriend are still in the habit. And my old son is fairly certain that my younger son and girlfriend had sex at some point before she moved (not at our house). I asked him about it and he said yes but in the last argument (just last night) he said no they hadn't.

I'm lost right now. The mother has called before asking if my son can go places with them. but with the curfew and other issues, I tell her no. They all probably think I'm trying to keep them apart because I don't like her but it's more so because of the way he's acting and her manipulating messages and even the mothers manipulation. She has also send him emails saying that if he wants the relationship to work then he needs to spend more time with her.

Sorry for the long-winded post. Like I said before I'm lost. I never wanted to be the "evil" parent but it feels I'm turning out that way.

Welcome to the "evil parent" club, aka mothers of teens...

Joking aside, I hear you very well. His gf is clearly manipulative and is texting him things that she knows will keep him with her (possibly starting arguments simply because she can then "forgive" him, telling him she's leaving him just so she can have a change of heart...things that leave him in a perpetual state of gratitude toward her).

You can't win this. I speak from experience here. My son also fell for a manipulator who only cared about her own needs. I tried to show him what she was doing but of course I only ended up alienating him. So I chose to welcome her into our family, not because I thought I could change anything, but rather so that I could at least see my son occasionally.

There isn't much else you can do except wait for the inevitable break up.

You CAN stand firm with your rules when you speak to his mother.

Good luck. You are not failing at all.

Ugh, I know this one. My step son was going through the same thing, only was a bit older, 19-20 yrs old. And she lived in VA and he moved here to TX. There were a lot of crazy texts, midnight phone calls with fights and him hysterical. There were several times he threatened violence against himself, he was a wreck!

We talked to him about it, we talked to his mom, his mom talked to him, everyone talked to everyone. But in the end, it had to be him to make the decision to end it.

In the end, he finally did, but it had to be him.

I had to help my son see and get out of manipulative see saw girlfriend relationships. One high school girlfriend had him texting 11,000 texts per month! Another one threatened suicide (text) while I was sitting with him in a parent/teen workshop about self image. Lots of drama, and my son seems to be drawn to it.

The best you can do is talk to your son and explain what is healthy and what isn't. I've said "We want you to end this relationship because it is making you unhappy. Relationships aren't supposed to be like this."

He's in college now, and is still in a see saw relationship. My other son, also in college, hasn't had any romantic relationship at all as far as I know. He says he's scared because of his brother's dramas.

Good luck.