sometimes worry that "this" is going to be the fight or panic attack that scars them

So, there's lots of discussion about how very early childhood really sets the stage for kids development. I have very loving parents, but can definitely see where my dad's drinking/temper problems and the resulting interactions have played a role in shaping who I am today.

I can't help but wonder what or if there is some threshold. What's the critical mass, where "ordinary" stress and disagreements spill over into imprinting unstable attachment and all the other little bits and pieces that go into developing a child's psyche.

My husband and I have a pretty healthy relationship, and I think we model very good communication around our children the vast majority of time. Screaming fights are very rare....almost never.

almost.....we had one last week, and he left for an hour to cool off (coming back before the kids' bedtime so he'd be there to tuck them in.) But prior, he was yelling, I was yelling, crying. And my kids were definitely stressed out (they are 3 and 5). And because I was crying they were trying to "take care" of me. my son was rubbing my back etc.

Or back when my anxiety disorder was first diagnosed and out of control. The very visible "mommy's not well" times were only over a few months, and I tried to explain so they kind of understood

So again, these incidents are not regular occurences....there not even "seasonally" occurrences. But I still remember as a kid how terrifying the screaming matches in my house were growing up. It just kills me to think that a lapse of judgement and control with my husband and I to let our anger take priority over the mental wellbeing of the little people we created kind of kills me inside.

anyone else who can relate?

my earliest memories was when there were awkward times in between my mother and father, when they were arguing, even though on each occassion we were sent to our bedrooms, and they were trying to argue quietly, these are my earliest memories that are like an imprint on my brain.

One of my biggest fears in life is screwing up my kids the way my mom screwed me up. She wasn't the worst mother in the world, but it was the emotional stress she put me through day in and day out (suspect narcissism or something).

I have been snapping at my kids, and my heart broke the other day when I heard my oldest snap at one of my younger children.

I don't know how to help you but know that you aren't alone :/ We can only try our best and hope the health care system is robust enough to help them through their issues when the time comes