how to re-condition a split-second reflex

Apuleius · Dec 05, 2015 at 02:32 PM

I recently slapped one of my children. While the circumstances were extenuating, I was surprised by my split-second reaction. I therefore began to wonder if there was anything I could do to rewire this reflex to ensure that I don't do it again.

Does anyone know of techniques that might be particularly appropriate?

I've approached a general psychoanalyst with experience in mentalization-based therapists about this, and was skeptical: while I like these techniques, I (1) think I'm already generally able to mentalize well; and (2) they seem designed for more general situations, rather than this split-second one.

Thank you very much,

Apuleius

lowinmood · Dec 06, 2015 at 11:23 AM

all I can suggest is mindfulness, which helps you to become aware of your emotions before you respond to your emotions.

Mygrandjourney · Dec 07, 2015 at 11:51 AM

Look up the term "habit reversal" and see if you think it will work for you.

Patagonia · Dec 07, 2015 at 01:59 PM

I've had this issue yrs ago too. My parents spanked, hit, paddled etc & I started to understand why when I was getting angry over a situation.

I had to explain it to my husband that I didn't wanto carry on this "tradition." So when I get angry I try to find him & say "switch" which means I need him to jump in & I need out!
If I'm alone I bite the inside if my cheek & walk onto the back porch to catch my breath. I know I need a break. I need to remove myself.
It's helped a great deal. I don't feel that urge or that split second snap to smack. I just remove myself....even into the bathroom for a minute or 2.

I hope you find something that helps you.

Apuleius · Dec 08, 2015 at 04:56 PM

Thanks you for your replies.

lowinmood: have you seen any examples of mindfulness-based techniques being used in cases like mine? I'd love to read something on this (e.g. a case study, etc.).

mygrandjourney: at first glance, I'm not sure if habit reversal training sounds like a good fit, as this was a one-off rather than a habit. Have you seen it successfully used in such cases?

Patagonia: I wish that I could blame my parents! (No: I like being responsible for my actions.) What you've been able to do sounds wonderful - and hopeful - thank you.

Mygrandjourney · Dec 28, 2015 at 06:00 PM

mygrandjourney: at first glance, I'm not sure if habit reversal training sounds like a good fit, as this was a one-off rather than a habit. Have you seen it successfully used in such cases?

I have seen it work effectively, but it requires commitment and consistency. Mindfulness, stress reduction/relaxation, tai chi, yoga are all well researched tools. Therapy is generally about slowing down and understanding your own anger process and factors that might have contributed to your actions. Don't reject them until you try them.

Apuleius · Jan 10, 2016 at 10:25 AM

thank you mygrandjourney.

I fully agree about the benefits of mindfulness and self-awareness. I've been wondering how much more I can gain from them - and somewhat frustrated by the practitioners I've encountered - who are convinced that they can help, but who exhibit fascinating body language (e.g. suddenly arms crossed on chest) when I ask them for any sort of evidence to this effect. I'm seeing someone new later this week, and shall ask him about them as well.

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lowinmood Member Member Since Nov 2015 Location: UK Posts: 451 8	Dec 06, 2015 at 11:23 AM #2 all I can suggest is mindfulness, which helps you to become aware of your emotions before you respond to your emotions. __________________ Diagnosis: Free Thinker - Daydreamer - Campaigner -Animal lover - foodie - anti-psychiatry - anti-labels Medication: food, air and water
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Mygrandjourney Veteran Member Member Since Nov 2014 Location: Denver Posts: 567 9 30 hugs given	Dec 07, 2015 at 11:51 AM #3 Look up the term "habit reversal" and see if you think it will work for you.
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